Until they let me into the penthouse and I can barely contain the excitement 
I am loving life as a non-smoker and I am finding it hard to reconcile the new me with the one who was convinced that quitting was just too hard. It's absolutely amazing the changes of attitude to smoking and smokers I seem to have gone through, so please forgive me for waffling on but I'm going to work this out here and now :
1. The total belief that there was no way I could "give up" smoking, I enjoyed it, needed it, used it as a reward for a good job done or a consolation for a bad job done, the first thing I'd look for as soon as I got up, to fill any downtime, receiving any bad news and any good news - any excuse really, even having a severe asthma attack and not being able to breathe was not enough to make me stop and anyone who suggested it would be met with a "It's my life" attitude.
2. Deciding I might like to try and "give up" and starting on a ten month cycle of wearing full strength patches and still smoking about 10 a day - everyone at work thought I'd quit as I would only have one in the morning, at least half an hour before going to work then I would go all day until I got home, I can't believe I put myself through 10 months of "almost" day ones, I remember being in a constant state of craving and giving in every day as soon as I got home - what an idiot, and a liar, I must have been a nightmare to be around because I just remember feeling permanently stressed :rolleyes:
3. Getting sussed by the Quit Nurse was the best thing that happened to me, she realised what I was doing and gave me the choice of Champix or nothing, after all, I was getting patches on prescription and not even trying and I think she'd just about had enough of all my whining and feeble excuses of how hard it was, I realise now that I did not want to quit, I was talking the talk but had no intention of walking the walk
4. Deciding to bite the bullet. I Started taking Champix on the 19th July 2013, I had been told to smoke as normal at first and then between days 8 & 14 to stop, well by day 9 I still didn't feel like I didn't want to smoke but I decided to see how long I could go without one, even when the OH greeted me at the door that evening with a fag I said "I was going to try not to" - even then I didn't think I could do it, but I was going to give it a go.
5. Feeling a sense of loss, misery and generally downright sorry for myself I found this place, started reading through the posts and gave myself a fright when I read some of the Champix horror stories, I clearly remember my first post almost begging for someone to say "Stop taking the tablets and keep smoking!" of course no one did, but so many offered their wholehearted support and encouragement together with the occasional kick in the behind when I needed it.
6. I started noticing the benefits and after about a week I became the ex smoker from hell, I would glare at anyone who dared smoke anywhere near me, the OH had a constant barrage of my opinion that he should stop too, after all, if I'd quit then anyone could, he stank, all smokers stank, everyone who was still smoking was an absolute idiot, didn't they realise the damage they were doing to themselves - tut tut. :rolleyes:
7. The OH quit for twelve weeks then smoked a cigar - I went ballistic! The poor bloke was threatened with everything from homelessness to emasculation all because he decided he still wanted to smoke. Thankfully this place was here for me and many of you, although sympathetic, put me back in my box by making me realise that my quit is all I should be worrying about, after all, I might not like it but the OH is a grown man and he has every right to smoke if he wants.:mad:
8. The money saved started adding up, now I was treating myself to a six weekly tint at the hairdresser, I rediscovered my enjoyment of food and am still loving cooking, lots of little treats like days out and all of them without worrying when I could have the next fag.
9. I encountered a personal situation that made me really want to smoke, it was really difficult to deal with on top of the raw emotion I was feeling but somehow, I'm not sure how but you lovely people really have to take most of the credit, I did not smoke - and I am so glad I didn't.
10. I noticed that I was less evangelistic in my approach, people smoking no longer bothered me (except my MIL but that's a whole other story!) This was a very gradual transformation and sort of snuck up on me - one of the many benefits that still keep coming :cool:
11. My health has improved so much I can go to the gym every evening and give it some welly - I couldn't breathe a year ago, now I'm happy to get out of breath - that is something I would not have believed, ever :eek:
Now, that was quite cathartic, I think sometimes those of us who have been lucky enough to sustain their quits have almost forgotten the hell of the early days and how hard it really is to stop and stay stopped. I always thought I could never do it and I am so proud of myself.
I am proud of every single member who face this war head on, many fight more than one battle while a few others are victoriously undefeated - I am especially proud of the ones who try so hard, putting themselves through the most difficult early stages time after time in their dogged determination to win the war once and for all - your forever quit will come and I will be cheering loudly as you each reach your milestones
