I need advice :(

Ok so we are here at day 1 again I have the patch on I haven't had a fag I posted on here saying I'm ready but somehow I think I am kidding myself....

My heart isn't in it totally I am giving up because I think it's the right thing to do... for a bit of background info I have "quit" too many times to mention I always get to 7/8 weeks mark and the panic attacks and depression starts so I give in and have a fag and then feel like cr4p because I'm hopeless..

My anxiety has been really bad for the past few weeks and although it was no excuse I smoked... Mainly because I couldn't bear my husband and kids seeing me as a blubbering mess all over Xmas.. The fags helped, in my anxious addled brain they helped although we all know of course they didn't it was just that bar steward rearing his ugly head at the 7 week mark wearing me down as usual...

I have devised a plan as I think I need planning and preparation bearing in mind my quit hasn't failed yet but as nothing has changed in my mindset I'm almost certain it will again.... The plan is as follows:

04/01/2014 - start diet and exercise again to feel good about myself

23/01/2014- docs get some Prozac again, I obviously need something

12/03/2014- no smoking day start quit with patches

In the meantime I will smoke no more than 5 fags a day I am trying so hard to make this work I have tried everything and I men everything.... Patches,gum,champix,cold turkey hypnosis the lot.... I'm a failure I know that it's almost like smoking helps my well being.. Ridiculous I know..

What do you think? I know people will say it's my quit etc and I have to do what's right for me which is true but I genuinely do want advice, if it was you what would you do? Carry on with this quit or go with the plan?

I'm so sorry for rambling on and on but without wanting to sound dramatic I really am despairing of my situation I want this to work I really do :(

Thanks to anyone who can advise x

32 Replies

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  • Donna,

    Well I would like to say...stick it out - you know it will get easier but you have already devised a plan...... I offer my sympathy and really hope you can get back on the road to recovery. However, whatever that may be. Only you can do this and I'm not going to waffle on because it sounds like you are going through hell. My advise would be just to get stronger. You have to be ready and it sounds like you are going into this quit because it is what others want you to do. I am so sorry but send you hugs and hope it all works out well in the end.

    Can I just say one thing though ...when I gave up quitting it really truly didn't make me feel any better but then you don't need to be told that do you.

    Best wishes xx

  • Hello Lovely

    I think that sounds like a plan

    It sounds like a good plan because it is yours. That is the only way it will work

    May I ask how old you are? You sound like I felt in my 30s

    I will keep my eye on this thread and pop back

    J x

    Hi Jenny

    I'm 37 x

  • Donna,

    Well I would like to say...stick it out - you know it will get easier but you have already devised a plan...... I offer my sympathy and really hope you can get back on the road to recovery. However, whatever that may be. Only you can do this and I'm not going to waffle on because it sounds like you are going through hell. My advise would be just to get stronger. You have to be ready and it sounds like you are going into this quit because it is what others want you to do. I am so sorry but send you hugs and hope it all works out well in the end.

    Can I just say one thing though ...when I gave up quitting it really truly didn't make me feel any better but then you don't need to be told that do you.

    Best wishes xx

    Hi woo

    I know it gets easier but I actually find when I get to 7or 8 weeks my anxiety is unbearable... Oddly enough the first couple of weeks I find a bit easier, maybe it's because the enthusiasm is still high... As I said I haven't had a cig yet my quit is still in tact but for how long is another matter I am just sick of being a failure at this i admire each and everyone on this forum who battles through the hard times and I really mean that

  • Donna get rescue remedy and kalms for weekend and get Prozac monday. Then u will feel better. You can then diet and exercise and not smoke at all win win x

    Hi deb

    Believe it or not I have diazepam for when I get a full blown panic attack I hate taking it tho just don't know if I can diet exercise and quit all at once it's so hard I want to be able to say "I don't want to smoke anymore" for myself but as u know at the moment it's for other reasons x

  • Donna,

    My heart goes out to you...so do I be hard and say

    YOU HAVE NOT FAILED but you planning to.....DONT QUIT Tonight...tomorrow is another day. Don't look ahead, take 1 hour at a time...I know exactly what you are saying though...I threw away a 6 month plus quit and have regretted it ever since. It is a fight... It is hell..be strong for tonight yeah ? xx

  • Donna,

    My heart goes out to you...so do I be hard and say

    YOU HAVE NOT FAILED but you planning to.....DONT QUIT Tonight...tomorrow is another day. Don't look ahead, take 1 hour at a time...I know exactly what you are saying though...I threw away a 6 month plus quit and have regretted it ever since. It is a fight... It is hell..be strong for tonight yeah ? xx

    Thank you u are right it's nearly 8pm I can surely get to day 2 thanks again xxx

  • I found taking my mental run up to my chosen date helpful. I carried on smoking but every cigarette I had I was thinking yuck, noticing what it was doing to me - the coughing, the breathlessness, the whistling nose, the heavy breathing, and the irritability and distractibility I experienced when I was in a class or exam where I couldn't go for a fag break.

    I really believe if you just gain a greater understanding and realise what you are doing to yourself, then you really won't want to do it anymore. Try reading about what smoking is doing to you whilst you have a fag in your hand. Go and read some posts on lung cancer forums or similar. It's not pleasant at all but you need to realise, I mean really realise, that smoking really isn't appealing when you look at the finer details!

    Have you tried speaking to the nurse at your local practice about quitting and the trouble you are having? I find the nurses at my practice much more helpful than some of the GPs I've had the misfortune of having to see. Perhaps you need more 'real' support too?

    It doesn't sound like this continuous cycle of quitting and re-quitting a few days later is really getting you anything but upset with yourself, and the more upset with yourself you are, the more likely you think you are just going to fail, and then you fall down again, and so on - it's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy!

    I don't know if any of my rambling is helpful but I wish you all the best xx

  • You are right it is for other reasons but thats one hell of a reason. And why are

    You worry about what might happen at 7

    Weeks dont think that far ahead x

    I always worry and think ahead it's part of the anxiety and depression I used to be a glass half full person, think I need a little help to get there again, it's just I read stories on here and I can't find anyone who has failed as many times as me... It's depressing lol xx

  • Oddly enough posting and talking has actually helped I won't have a cig tonight I don't know how I will feel tomorrow but like you say take one day at a time x

  • Donna,

    I don't know if you work, but why not have a nice hot bath, a bit of a pamper, make you feel nice, because you still smell nice right !

    Even when brushing your teeth, take time and imagine how much better your teeth are going to look SOON. Get into bed with a magazine or book and try to think of anything BUT smoking and drift off to sleep.....

    Now I know that sounds easy, because early in my quit I don't fall asleep until early hours, but I don't work so I can lay in....do you get my drift....I want you to think of something nice that will make YOU feel nice.

    Chat tomorrow ok. And I wish you a very relaxing night.....

  • Donna,

    I don't know if you work, but why not have a nice hot bath, a bit of a pamper, make you feel nice, because you still smell nice right !

    Even when brushing your teeth, take time and imagine how much better your teeth are going to look SOON. Get into bed with a magazine or book and try to think of anything BUT smoking and drift off to sleep.....

    Now I know that sounds easy, because early in my quit I don't fall asleep until early hours, but I don't work so I can lay in....do you get my drift....I want you to think of something nice that will make YOU feel nice.

    Chat tomorrow ok. And I wish you a very relaxing night.....

    Thanks reading always helps a book an early night and a nice hot chocolate with squirty cream should do it xx

  • And I do work although being made redundant soon... Oh the joys lol

  • Oh bless you Hun....sending (hugs) xxx

  • Hi Lovely

    Are you able to do this above? I don't know anything about this but it sounds like it could help to me

    Back soon

    J x

    I have rescue remedy, my doctors appt is 23rd Jan and Prozac takes a month to kick in, that's why I changed the quit date to the official no smoking day I should feel a lot better by then as it will be spring and the tablets will have kicked in x

  • Your opening post Donna,cries out 'planning to fail' :( You are one day without ciggies,and you have already devised a plan to FAIL and put it all off for weeks and weeks- until March in fact are you kidding???.:rolleyes:

    Nah.

    I am sorry but my opinion is that you are giving up before even trying.

    If you don't lean hard and put your shoulder into this,it will never work.How do you think any of us succeeded in giving up smokes?:confused:

    We took the bad times on the chin,we battled through,we were determined DETERMINED to beat it,and day after day we kept Nicdemon at arms length as his poisonous skinny yellow arms flailed about inches in front of us,but after a few weeks he was getting further and further away.Now I don't see him anywhere ;)

    I thought you HAD to do this to get the IVF on the road?

    Is smoking more important than IVF then?

    Get rid of your silly plan to postpone it all-they are just excuses-and knuckle down with the rest,get this done and get this over with.

    I do have to do it for the IVF and of course smoking isnt more important that's a rhetorical question but we have been trying to quit for the IVF for a long time and my mental health issues just always get in the way... It's so difficult when u feel fragile mentally, I know from past quits that you have to be focused mentally and very very strong and I'm sorry I just don't feel like that at the moment I thought I was but I'm not otherwise I wouldn't have crumbled 2 weeks ago in a suicidal anxious mess...it's not solely the quitting that made me feel that way and I wish oh god do I wish I was strong like u Max but right now I'm not I'm a mess.... I'm trying really hard I haven't had a fag but going to bed now

  • Donna....maybe you have had more unsuccessful quit attempts than anyone else, I don't really know. But, you can be a successful quitter by taking it one crave at a time and by thinking like a winner rather than a loser.

    For goodness' sake don't start fretting about how it'll be in 7/8 weeks' time. Get through one crave or one day or one hour at a time for now. Thinking about 7/8 weeks is too much to think about all at once and it can be dealt with nearer the time.

    Think like a winner.....know that you can do it. I doubted my own capabilities right at the start of my quit, but then I saw that other people had succeeded and that they were just ordinary everyday people like me (and like you!). They didn't have any special powers....just a dogged determination to get through this bumpy old journey to smokefreeness. There are difficult times of course, but the way to a successful quit is by getting through those times, by whatever means you can.

    So, go to bed if need be......be glad you've got today under your belt and start tomorrow off when you wake with a positive and confident attitude. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you can do it. Because you can.

    It's not always easy, but it is do-able.

    Val

  • Donna....maybe you have had more unsuccessful quit attempts than anyone else, I don't really know. But, you can be a successful quitter by taking it one crave at a time and by thinking like a winner rather than a loser.

    For goodness' sake don't start fretting about how it'll be in 7/8 weeks' time. Get through one crave or one day or one hour at a time for now. Thinking about 7/8 weeks is too much to think about all at once and it can be dealt with nearer the time.

    Think like a winner.....know that you can do it. I doubted my own capabilities right at the start of my quit, but then I saw that other people had succeeded and that they were just ordinary everyday people like me (and like you!). They didn't have any special powers....just a dogged determination to get through this bumpy old journey to smokefreeness. There are difficult times of course, but the way to a successful quit is by getting through those times, by whatever means you can.

    So, go to bed if need be......be glad you've got today under your belt and start tomorrow off when you wake with a positive and confident attitude. Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you can do it. Because you can.

    It's not always easy, but it is do-able.

    Val

    Thanks Val I find it ok the first couple of weeks I find it harder as time goes on so if I put my mind to it I can easily do 2 weeks without really thinking about it, it's the fear of what happens at 2 months that makes me fail I have gone wrong each time at that point that's why the anxiety is so bad right now.... Think I will aim for 23rd Jan when I see doc to get Prozac and take it from there

  • I can only speak from my own perspective and I'm sure that some people will disagree, but for me, wanting to do it was one of the most fundamental building blocks for success.

    If you know you need to do it but deep down you don't want to - really want to like it's the most important thing in the world - then you are making the whole process so much harder than it can be, to the point where it's doomed to failure.

    Not only do you have to want to do it, you have to want to do it for the most selfish of reasons - you have to want to do it for yourself, because you really are worth it. Doing it for any other reason, however well intentioned, ultimately feels like you are making a sacrifice. Again you are making the whole process so much harder than it can be. Do it for yourself and all those other reasons will take care of themselves anyway. Never even entertain the idea that you're making a sacrifice - without wishing to sound overly dramatic, you're reclaiming your life from the jaws of a crippling drug addiction. That is the plain truth, though not something we like to think about.

    I know serial quitting knocks your confidence with every failure, and you end up despairing that you will ever be able to beat this addiction. My advice is to never doubt that you can do this, but think long and hard about your motivation. If you can get it clear in your mind that you really want this, it makes the whole process massively easier.

    It might even help to start with if you write a list of all the reasons why you don't want to quit (i.e. all the reasons your 'heart isn't really in it' in your own words). I think if you look at these reasons you will find they are ALL addiction talking - the mind of a drug addict justifying continued feeding of its own deadly habit. We've all been through this junkie thinking, and learning to recognise it for what it is starts to tip the scales in your favour in the battle to regain your freedom. Beating an addiction is nothing to do with luck, and everything to do with educating yourself and adopting the right mindset for lasting success. It doesn't matter if you're a pauper or a millionaire, money cannot buy freedom from addiction, it's something that has to come from within each of us; you have to do it for yourself, no-one can do it for you.

    YOU CAN DO THIS BUT FIRST YOU MUST WANT IT MORE THAN ANYTHING!!!

  • thoughts are with you

    Hi

    I so understand what you describe ' I imagine lots of us will

    Im in no position to advise really as im only on day 2 - but we all have

    to do what works for us - the beauty is our uniqueness

    So - go with your plan and keep us posted

    All the very very best

    Lexilou x

  • Hey Donna, it seems to me that there are other issues here that are stopping you from getting on, and I don't think it's just putting it off, it's obviously self-esteem stuff. I've had that years gone by, I know about anxiety suffering too.

    I would say that this needs sorting before you can get anything right in your mind, but it shouldn't take till March, that WOULD be putting it off :p

    I hope you find some strength soon, feeling like this is debilitating but it can be sorted out. And if you've got to day 2, so much the better.

  • Hey Donna, it seems to me that there are other issues here that are stopping you from getting on, and I don't think it's just putting it off, it's obviously self-esteem stuff. I've had that years gone by, I know about anxiety suffering too.

    I would say that this needs sorting before you can get anything right in your mind, but it shouldn't take till March, that WOULD be putting it off :p

    I hope you find some strength soon, feeling like this is debilitating but it can be sorted out. And if you've got to day 2, so much the better.

    Hiya

    The reason I said March 12th is because it's no smoking day and to be honest it's the only time of year I haven't attempted! I always try early January October and summertime I dunno, my heads shot... However I have woken up on day 2 of no smoking **yay**

  • Hi Donna hope you're ok. Just wanted to say that I too had many failed quits which lasted 2 to 3 months because, like you, it was easier at the start and then just got harder and harder!

    I am nearly 2 years quit this time and I know this is the one.

    Maybe you are over thinking the whole thing? Try to take one day at a time, just don't smoke for that day and before you know it :eek: ride the waves because I promise you it does get easier.

    I joined a gym on the day I quit and although I still go I put on over a stone in weight. That is my goal now to lose it as smoking is no longer an issue for me.

    GOOD LUCK XXX

  • Hi Donna hope you're ok. Just wanted to say that I too had many failed quits which lasted 2 to 3 months because, like you, it was easier at the start and then just got harder and harder!

    I am nearly 2 years quit this time and I know this is the one.

    Maybe you are over thinking the whole thing? Try to take one day at a time, just don't smoke for that day and before you know it :eek: ride the waves because I promise you it does get easier.

    I joined a gym on the day I quit and although I still go I put on over a stone in weight. That is my goal now to lose it as smoking is no longer an issue for me.

    GOOD LUCK XXX

    thanks for ur reply I really appreciate it, it's very odd sailing through the first few weeks and then BAM it hits u like a ton of bricks! I think I have read too much online about how u SHOULD feel at certain points of the quit which leads to overthinking u are absoloutley right just going to do it day by day xx

  • Hi Donna,

    I agree that due to your depression you're both over-analysing things and subconciously looking for ways in which you can beat youself up if (or when) you fail to quit/lose weight/get fitter for IVF/sort out your mental health issues. I can feel your anxiety from here and no wonder.

    I think you need to step back, take a deep breath and focus on one thing at a time (and only one). As you've already started your quit journey, I think you should make that the one thing you focus on (to the exclusion of all else) at present. Never mind about the rest- it'll wait (though obviously see your GP about your depression sooner rather than later- that one should run in tandem with quitting).

    From experience, it's so easy to feel like a rat in a trap (no way out, no way out) and become overwhelmed to the point where your self-esteem plummets. If you can concentrate on doing just one positive, life-enhancing thing (and lets face it, quitting smoking definitely qualfies for that) you're almost certainly going to find your self-esteem and sense of self-worth improves, and the rest will follow naturally.

    So stick with it is my advice (for what it is worth). Keep posting won't you? :)

  • Hi all just to let you know I have had a think ( and watched a horrendous video on here :eek:) and just want to say I'm a fool I did the plan and it sounds good but it's putting off the inevitable.... I am still going to go to doctors to get prozac I'm sure that will help my depressin and anxiety and make the quit easier and I am going to try and diet and exercise but I'm not going to worry too much about that, you are all right and deep down even when posting this I knew I was being ridiculous.. If I gave in and have a fag there's no way I would wait til March to try again so what is the point in tormenting myself by doing this stop start method... Yes I am going to need shed loads of support when it nears the 7/8 week mark of that I am certain but I can do this along with all my fellow freedom fighters I'm sure of it! Xxx

  • Hi Donna - your last post is spot on! you've reflected on your quit and YOU have decided it's the most important thing.

    Take it from me, you need to concentrate on your quit first, then take a look at your diet and exercise - get to the 8 week mark - celebrate and then start your healthy new you... your there Donna, you could have caved in but you didn't.

    You've told yourself you can get to week 8 - now prove to yourself you can smash through 8 weeks .... I think you can do it ;)

  • Does this mean you're still quit on day 2? I think it does.....blo*dy well done, nice to see your last post, you'll get all sorts of support on here as you know, there will be the one that works for you, even though you might not think it at the time :)

  • Thank you Donna sense at last you doughnut. Now shut up lol and lets beat this demon once and for all x

    Yes cap'n :) March March forwaaaaard March :) xxx

    P.S angrybear yep still going day 2 today xx

  • I think Magwillz post swung it for me I have absoloute admiration that some one who struggles like me the further into the quit u get has now been smoke free for 2 years! Blinking awesome is what that is!!

  • Hi Donna, I've been reading through your various posts and IMHO I think you are putting too much store into what other people may have experienced. To be totally honest I don't really recall my 7/8 stage particularly clearly but I do remember hitting a really rough day around that time and pure bolshiness got me through(That and the sheer anger of my boss saying it looked like I needed a fag!). There are no hard and fast rules as to how you are going to feel at any particular stage, I struggled for the first couple of weeks yet my OH stopped after 7 days on Champix and then, apart from nausea, had no symptoms or cravings - he said it was like he'd never smoked!!!! Well I wanted to kill the smug git, I was four weeks ahead of him and still getting whopping cravings which you are not supposed to get with Champix! - then twelve weeks to the day after he stopped, he blew it all by having a cigar, he's still on the Café Crème's now! Go figure! Quitting is a unique, individual experience and although certain things are guaranteed not one of us can say exactly when these will hit us. There are a couple of posts on here which can really help with understanding how the brain reacts to smoking and quitting, have a look through, they are really helpful.

    I do think motivation may be an issue for you too, you have to get your "reactional" part of your brain on board and to do that you have to get your conscious self to agree. You understand you both need to be smoke free to get IVF but that understanding is not motivational enough, many of us on here have witnessed the devastating effects of smoking on others close to us, but did nothing ourselves, except kept making excuses to ourselves as to why we couldn't quit, until the lightening bolt struck! That too is a unique thing, no one knows as and when their bolt will come, sadly though, for some it never does. Until you are 100% ready you will always see quitting as giving something up.

    Also, IMHO I don't think you are weak, you have put yourself through this how many times for crying out loud? a masochist maybe, but not weak. Just imagine, never having to go through that again ;) Just Imagine not feeling that anxiety about having to quit again.

    Stopping smoking is like that book, The Hobbit, frightening at first with many monsters to get past and obstacles to overcome but the riches and feeling of self worth at the end are beyond compare, I can promise you it really does get easier, and life becomes so much better without that ball and chain of addiction attached to you 24/7.

  • Yippee:)

    Well done

    6 to 8 weeks is my weak spot so we will watch out for one another :)

    Most definitely Jenny :) thanks xx

  • Hi Donna, I've been reading through your various posts and IMHO I think you are putting too much store into what other people may have experienced. To be totally honest I don't really recall my 7/8 stage particularly clearly but I do remember hitting a really rough day around that time and pure bolshiness got me through(That and the sheer anger of my boss saying it looked like I needed a fag!). There are no hard and fast rules as to how you are going to feel at any particular stage, I struggled for the first couple of weeks yet my OH stopped after 7 days on Champix and then, apart from nausea, had no symptoms or cravings - he said it was like he'd never smoked!!!! Well I wanted to kill the smug git, I was four weeks ahead of him and still getting whopping cravings which you are not supposed to get with Champix! - then twelve weeks to the day after he stopped, he blew it all by having a cigar, he's still on the Café Crème's now! Go figure! Quitting is a unique, individual experience and although certain things are guaranteed not one of us can say exactly when these will hit us. There are a couple of posts on here which can really help with understanding how the brain reacts to smoking and quitting, have a look through, they are really helpful.

    I do think motivation may be an issue for you too, you have to get your "reactional" part of your brain on board and to do that you have to get your conscious self to agree. You understand you both need to be smoke free to get IVF but that understanding is not motivational enough, many of us on here have witnessed the devastating effects of smoking on others close to us, but did nothing ourselves, except kept making excuses to ourselves as to why we couldn't quit, until the lightening bolt struck! That too is a unique thing, no one knows as and when their bolt will come, sadly though, for some it never does. Until you are 100% ready you will always see quitting as giving something up.

    Also, IMHO I don't think you are weak, you have put yourself through this how many times for crying out loud? a masochist maybe, but not weak. Just imagine, never having to go through that again ;) Just Imagine not feeling that anxiety about having to quit again.

    Stopping smoking is like that book, The Hobbit, frightening at first with many monsters to get past and obstacles to overcome but the riches and feeling of self worth at the end are beyond compare, I can promise you it really does get easier, and life becomes so much better without that ball and chain of addiction attached to you 24/7.

    Thank you for some brilliant words of wisdom I really appreciate it I think you are right the anxiety it causes working up to these quit attempts is ridiculous do I set myself up to fail however I have made it to day 2 and I have my iPad 2 coming so that has to be another incentive because there is no way on earth I can afford the 3 payments and buy fags! I may of been hasty doing that but I have committed now to at least 3 months of not smoking but I do want this to be my forever quit thanks again much appreciated xx

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