First of all I would like to thank everyone associated with this site: users, readers, admins, compilers, mods and hosts for providing what is a fantastic support mechanism.
I'm a new non smoker and would love to help/inspire others quitting by relating my own experience.
I wanted to post in this forum because, I know from bitter experience how hard it is to quit smoking. But do you know what? No matter how hard it is to quit, no matter what physical and psychological (i prefer the word emotional) difficulties lie ahead, you've already dealt with the hardest thing you will face - that is making the courageous DECISION to quit. For that you should be congratulated by others and should be proud of yourself.
Please hold that thought in your mind and then imagine if you had that decision/option taken away from you? That is the position I find myself in. I have a decision/option too: it is: STOP SMOKING OR DIE! Thing is, unlike you guys, the decision/option isn't mine, it's been given to me! Please don't think me morbid, or a no hoper; I'm neither, and for the record I have every intention (and chance) of living to a ripe old age.
I promise to expand on what I'm saying but not just now. I will attempt to inspire all my fellow newbie quitters over the next few days with my own story but in the meantime I want to leave you with one piece of advice.
If you WANT to, and are READY to quit, you WILL succeed. It will be b****y hard but you'll do it. The harsh reality about stopping smoking is not rocket science. YOU NEED TO WANT IT. DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF - IF YOU DO YOU'LL FAIL. More later.
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Your post contradicts itself in parts. Don't sugar coat the issue. Smoke if you want, quit if you want. No-one is forcing the issue on any individual. It's a personal choice, the point I make is simple, if you WANT to quit you'll succeed. It really is that simple, live or die (early) = quit or smoke.
Hello Karri and Peter difficult topic to deal with in print as everyone's quit is so personal.
I belong to another dealing with alcohol addiction and their slant on wanting to stop the vicious cycle of abuse is that one must have an honest desire.
Wanting to stop for economic,health reasons doesn't seem to cut the mustard. Over my 42 years of smoking there were many occasions when I knew I should stop smoking and actually wanted to but I didn't have that honest desire which I
mention so needless to say I never succeeded. However I have to admit that the desire which triggered my quit was made in a cardiac ward of a Glasgow hospital the circumstances of which didn't seem quite as dire as Peters.
As I mentioned earlier our quit is so personal does it really matter how we get the destination as long as we arrive there.
Thank you Michael for your input. Our, and by "our" I mean all of us on this site, aim to inspire/help/support others who have decided to quit smoking.
I have no wish to upset/disagree with or contradict other members/contributors. The point I make is an genuine one. Be honest with yourself. If you WANT to QUIT, QUIT because you WANT to. If you don't you'll fail!
I will write more tomorrow about my own personal quit. The decision was taken away from me, did that make it easier or harder to stop? Who knows? Who cares?
One thing I do know is it's better to be in a position to make your own decisions than to have them made for you.
These are your words Karri: "This is a support board and saying that if you don't want to quit you will fail is not particularly supportive to someone like me".
Well: It's not about you so don't take it as personal. You are 350+ posts in and still smoking! So what is it?
Tell it as it is, people don't have to listen or agree!
There's too much empathy, sympathy, understanding and "treading on eggshells". Crikey, tell it how it is, give up and live a good life or continue to smoke and suffer. END OF!
I have a question by the way: How many people who didn't want to quit, failed to stop smoking? Answer: All of them!
Karri, Will you Fail? PLEASE PROVE ME WRONG!!!!!!!
"I have spent a week preparing to quit and although I don't want to quit I know I need to" - Karri's words.
Why do you need to quit Kerri? Surely if you NEED to quit you will WANT to quit.
"The point I'm making is that you are telling me that I will fail and that has completely deflated me and wiped out all the positivity I had" - Karri's words.
Karri - prove me wrong. Go for it! It's YOUR quit!
I will fail and that has completely deflated me and wiped out all the positivity I had.Not having a dig but this sounds like it's out the "just one last drag" bag of excuses a smoker uses, just take the plunge once and for all. Why not do it now?
Because I have a quit date set and I don't see my quit smoking adviser until tomorrow night. I am taking the plunge but I am doing it as planned.Ah right, good luck then on you're quit journey when ever you have planned to start.
Sounds to me Karri, like you do wish you could quit, but don't want the pain that goes along with it. If you could click your fingers and you didn't care about smoking at all, and wouldn't crave in the slightest, would you click?
If you'd click, then you absolutely want to quit. It will be tough for a few weeks, but it won't be forever.
I don't intend to offend or insult anyone but I do believe in straight talking. After all a spade is a spade no matter how you dress it up. I don't hold with the "kid glove" approach to problem solving.
Consider if you will, the doctor's method when he has to convey bad news? No matter his tone or body language, he tells it straight! No matter how bad the news, If you've got cancer he's going to tell you straight you've got cancer.
Like the doctor, I prefer to tell it straight. To succeed in your quit, the decision and commitment not to smoke has to be yours. You own that decision. Despite what you may read, hear, or be told, the only certain thing that will stop you smoking is you telling yourself that you WANT to stop. If that's true, you can, and will deal with ANY follow on after effects.
I'll leave you with a final thought to ponder:
We all know that smoking will kill us prematurely and it is very likely we will develop an incurable disease that will leave us in excruciating pain if we continue to smoke. When (not if) that happens isn't it strange that the individual concerned then does everything possible to continue to live!
None of us want to die, least of all from an incurable, painful disease we've had the "priviledge" to pay for ourselves by smoking. Stopping is a no brainer, if you WANT to.
Each to their own of course, but personally, as far as cigarettes go, I started out quitting because I was ill one day, then just got stubborn, with a bit of luck along the way and the support of this forum. There was no steely resolve; I went to bed the night before a fully paid-up smoker with no thoughts of quitting.
To say you'll fail if you don't 100% want to quit is like saying a night out with your mates will be rubbish if not properly planned; we all know that's not true, well I think so anyway all the best ones are unplanned I say!
Everyone "wants" to quit in some form or they wouldn't consider it, surely, but my quit, now 17 months, was largely started by fluke.....
Many quitters I know didn't 100% want to stop. I didn't. If only it was that simple....
Each to their own of course, but personally, as far as cigarettes go, I started out quitting because I was ill one day, then just got stubborn, with a bit of luck along the way and the support of this forum. There was no steely resolve; I went to bed the night before a fully paid-up smoker with no thoughts of quitting.
To say you'll fail if you don't 100% want to quit is like saying a night out with your mates will be rubbish if not properly planned; we all know that's not true, well I think so anyway all the best ones are unplanned I say!
Everyone "wants" to quit in some form or they wouldn't consider it, surely, but my quit, now approaching 17 months, was largely started by fluke.....
My 2 longest quits were unplanned.
The 18 month one was like yours, I was ill and got guilted into seeing how long I could go before starting again - I actually had no intention of quitting, yet managed to for a long time. The last one went from me saying "I'm going to stop soon" to buying patches the same day.
Some people respond well to the sledgehammer approach, others don't - because we're all different, smoke(d) and quit for different reasons etc.
Can think of several people who didn't 100% want to quit at first but are now confirmed non-smokers and do think that too much "plain speaking" can deter people from stopping.
I wasnt totally committed to quitting either...had a chest infection, lay of the ciggies for a week, ended up doing Stoptober...then stubborness kicked in and im 8 weeks in with my quit. Everybody has different reasons for stopping.
Quit methods, feelings, experiences etc are individual...thats what makes this forum a supportive place...nobody should feel or be made to feel (either directly or indirectly) bad or a failure should their quit not go too well. Quits are difficult, emotional and demanding.....and everybody has a different mechanism for coping....everybody has different triggers.....and its all that is different that supports and helps each individual quit.
In fairness, each reason is sort of not relevant, what is relevant is that we are all cruising towards the same destination. We are all on the same journey of discovery and change, and that's where we all join together to help each other, some need more guidance than others, thats life, its one of those things. Its what makes the world totally diverse!
Can think of several people who didn't 100% want to quit at first but are now confirmed non-smokers and do think that too much "plain speaking" can deter people from stopping.
I agree, everyone's different, I don't imagine everyone gets 100% out of every post on here; like I said, it's not that simple!
I've had periods in my quit where I've needed a kick up the a*se, and this forum's kindly obliged but personally I've had to "remain teachable", and be open to others' approaches....just don't mention "slips" or "blips"
Some people respond well to the sledgehammer approach, others don't - because we're all different, smoke(d) and quit for different reasons etc.
I agree, and I think you have to be careful with this approach. For those who are unsure or who have struggled, I dont feel (and this is my opinion) that this is a productive approach.
Can think of several people who didn't 100% want to quit at first but are now confirmed non-smokers and do think that too much "plain speaking" can deter people from stopping.
Snap!! I think there are more people in this category than any other! lol
I agree, everyone's different, I don't imagine everyone gets 100% out of every post on here; like I said, it's not that simple!
I've had periods in my quit where I've needed a kick up the a*se, and this forum's kindly obliged but personally I've had to "remain teachable", and be open to others' approaches....just don't mention "slips" or "blips"
Exactly, I remember being the opposite much to someone's horror on here when he thought he'd made me cave.
I wish there was a one size fits all method of quitting, but there isn't.
Some people (me for example) respond better to coaxing and support, others need a kick up the bum.
Well, while I understand that it is good for us all to quit smoking, or as you say we will die, and to be honest it is a scary thought but even more scary is to have a stroke and be left in a lock in condition, unable to move and stuck inside a body that can't communicate or look after itself. That would be HELL.
However on two things I disagree, one is the if you don't want to do it you will fail, this as karrie said is discouraging. I knew I had to stop, I knew it was a situation if I don't stop I will shorten my life, ruin my skin, and be doomed to standing on the street smoking . So like going for a walk on a wet cold day, I just decided to bite the bullet, and stop no messing about. I didn't want to stop, want wasn't even in the equation, I WANTED to be able to enjoy my habit and be told that it was perfectly safe and acceptable to do so. I wanted to be able to smoke where I liked when I liked, . I do realise though that what I want and what I get are almost always two different things. I made a choice to be an adult and quit the messing about. The odd thing is once you have made the choice and commit to it, want to succeed kicks in, and then you are on the right side of the game.
I also disagree that the softly approach doesn't work, one can of course say it straight and the point they are making is correct. However it fuels the fear of quitting that a lot of people have, it also tends to make them more defensive. If you state the circumstances and then convince the smoker that they of course can do it encouragement will more often have a better result. I also think that the repeated mantra that it is hell to give up smoking is compounding the fear that smokers have of quitting. I think we should be always stating the positive ie promote that new high we have of being in control something we hadn't realised we lost.
Out of interest how long have you been smoke free?
) but personally I've had to "remain teachable", and be open to others' approaches....just don't mention "slips" or "blips"
Thats the same for me to, Im constantly on this forum reading experiences and searching on line to "educate"myself. It works for us, but may not suit others....but thats what makes the forum so helpful!
I promise to expand on what I'm saying but not just now. I will attempt to inspire all my fellow newbie quitters over the next few days with my own story...
YOU NEED TO WANT IT. DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF - IF YOU DO YOU'LL FAIL. More later.
Well, while I understand that it is good for us all to quit smoking, or as you say we will die, and to be honest it is a scary thought but even more scary is to have a stroke and be left in a lock in condition, unable to move and stuck inside a body that can't communicate or look after itself. That would be HELL.
However on two things I disagree, one is the if you don't want to do it you will fail, this as karrie said is discouraging. I knew I had to stop, I knew it was a situation if I don't stop I will shorten my life, ruin my skin, and be doomed to standing on the street smoking . So like going for a walk on a wet cold day, I just decided to bite the bullet, and stop no messing about. I didn't want to stop, want wasn't even in the equation, I WANTED to be able to enjoy my habit and be told that it was perfectly safe and acceptable to do so. I wanted to be able to smoke where I liked when I liked, . I do realise though that what I want and what I get are almost always two different things. I made a choice to be an adult and quit the messing about. The odd thing is once you have made the choice and commit to it, want to succeed kicks in, and then you are on the right side of the game.
I also disagree that the softly approach doesn't work, one can of course say it straight and the point they are making is correct. However it fuels the fear of quitting that a lot of people have, it also tends to make them more defensive. If you state the circumstances and then convince the smoker that they of course can do it encouragement will more often have a better result. I also think that the repeated mantra that it is hell to give up smoking is compounding the fear that smokers have of quitting. I think we should be always stating the positive ie promote that new high we have of being in control something we hadn't realised we lost.
Out of interest how long have you been smoke free?
This made alot of sense to me. I was kind of the same. I wanted to smoke, I was only planning to stop for a week until I felt better, but ended up where I am now. Early stages I know, I have a way to go yet.
Quitting is not hell, it can be difficult and emotional, and I think its best to look forward to the process knowing you will come out of it with a big smile after beating it!
I have to say, that while I am not here very long, I find your post peter a most unusual post for a first post,. Most of us will introduce ourselves and tell our story, but you come in like a long term poster and pontificate at people some who have just joined, and some who are here a very long time . Why do the instalments? why not just tell your story? It is also pretty amazing that you could quote Karrie so fast, I have been searching this forum for the last few weeks, yet I wouldn't know off hand who was doing well or who was having a difficult time .
I have a question by the way: How many people who didn't want to quit, failed to stop smoking? Answer: All of them!
No failure here.
I'm not saying it's about me. I have spent a week preparing to quit and although I don't want to quit I know I need to. The point I'm making is that you are telling me that I will fail and that has completely deflated me and wiped out all the positivity I had.
Karri ... wtf!! You've trodden these boards long enough that posts and comments such as Peter's making ought not ever demoralise you. And well you know that some folk set out not in the 'right frame of mind set' - and are years down the line still not smoking.
Grab back your positivity, your belief and hope in yourself. It's your quit, own it, treasure it and don't let it go. Enjoy your journey.
I maintain that to stop smoking you have to WANT to stop. If you make a decision not to smoke it's because you WANT to stop.
I didn't want to stop smoking; I wanted to be a non-smoker. In my mind those were/are two totally different things. One of those things was way too hard for me to even contemplate......the thought of never being able to have another fag in my entire life was enough to reduce me to the brink of tears. But the desire to be a non-smoker.......now, that was different. That was what I wanted to be and I knew that I could become that person if I put my mind to it.
So far, my transformation into a non-smoker is going very well. I became a non-smoker on August 30th and was doing fine until 11th October when I bought ten fags and smoked them all. I had had an extremely difficult day, compounded by Champix side effects. Some may say that was just an excuse or somesuch, but becoming that non-smoking person is a learning process and it takes time. There may well be mistakes along the way.......I made one on 11th October, but I learned some vital and very necessary lessons from it. Since then, the transformation is back on course and even picking up speed.
The thing is, we are all different. As with so many things, when it comes to quitting (or whatever you wish to call it), "one size" does not fit all.
I didn't want to stop smoking; I wanted to be a non-smoker. In my mind those were/are two totally different things. One of those things was way too hard for me to even contemplate......the thought of never being able to have another fag in my entire life was enough to reduce me to the brink of tears. But the desire to be a non-smoker.......now, that was different. That was what I wanted to be and I knew that I could become that person if I put my mind to it.
l
I am not here to advise people on how to approach quitting; how to quit; or how to deal with the effects of quitting. That is personal, difficult, challenging, individual and something we all have to deal with in our own way.
I don't want to come onto the forum and tell everyone how wonderful being a non-smoker, ex-smoker, reformed smoker - call it what you will, IS. Nor do I want to tell people how wonderful life is as a non smoker. Furthermore I don't want to come here and tell people how hard (or easy) it is to stop smoking, the pains, the gains, etc, we all know them, we've heard, read, seen and experienced them thousands of times from thousands of sources.
All I want to do is be honest with people in the hope that they will be honest with themselves.
I've said enough I think, perhaps becoming a member was a mistake, I didn't join the forum to wind people up or offend them. I joined to help people. Whether you WANT to stop smoking, or you WANT to be a non-smoker, YOU WANT!
That was all I was trying to say to people. If you are to succeed to need to WANT.
Hi Peter, I agree with you. In my case, in previous attempts, I didn't WANT to quit and kept failing, I think this time I really wanted to quit and with the help of Champix I have managed it so far (2 years in Feb) I have just read a post from a quitter of 14 months and he ends his post saying 'You WILL do it if you WANT to'.
That was his advice to new quitters so you are not alone in your view.
and no you didn't say you will 100% fail if you don't want to quit! It surely makes it harder though if you don't want to?
I do hope you stick around because as Max said I feel that you have something to offer too
I'm a new non smoker and would love to help/inspire others quitting by relating my own experience....
I wanted to post in this forum because, I know from bitter experience how hard it is to quit smoking......
Please hold that thought in your mind and then imagine if you had that decision/option taken away from you? That is the position I find myself in. I have a decision/option too: it is: STOP SMOKING OR DIE!
I promise to expand on what I'm saying but not just now. I will attempt to inspire all my fellow newbie quitters over the next few days with my own story..... More later.
PETER!!!!!! For heaven's sake can we get the next instalment? :D you can't write the stuff above and then not elaborate for crying out loud! I'm sure your intentions are honourable and after all this forum is about sharing knowledge, sharing journeys, supporting others and getting help when needed. But only alluding makes you seem like a cryptic guru type thingy and compromises your credibility. You've clearly drawn a conclusion about what is going to work for you, well done. Is it just 'you have to want it'? :confused: I really want to know!
And yup, please share more of your circumstance and when you quit etc be more personable - that'd be good. Cheers!
Perhaps the want to quit is not the right terminology, but more like you must be determined to quit. I, like Max and others here, didn't exactly want to quit, but knew it was the right thing to do. I laid out a plan for myself and took the plunge.
We would like to hear your story, and I believe it would be helpful for people to read. Sharing all of our knowledge and methods for quitting is what makes this website so beneficial during our quits. I've definitely tried more than a few things people have suggested to keep my mind off smoking.
So good luck to you on your quit journey, and I hope that you can help others along the way.
Have only seen bits of this thread Peter,and I am sure you have valid advice to offer;however it is hard to escape the view that you came steaming in from the word go,in a slightly -dare I say condescending manner, with your own version or interpretation of a successful way to quit,and gave the feel of preaching about it when in reality there are a 1000 things that make a quit work.
I certainly don't believe I have given any interpretation or version of a successful way to quit Max - condescendingly or otherwise.
I make one simple point, a fact, a truism, the one thing that I believe we shouldn't deny, but must accept and that is, to stop smoking you have to WANT to.
I'll quote your own post if I may:
.............."I didn't 'want' to quit,I loved smoking,stupid to say though that is but the time had come for me to stop doing something that was clearly bad for me.............."
So you wanted to stop smoking. The WANT was there.
Let's not cloud the issue here Max. This post is for Day 1'ers. Remember just how difficult those first steps are for anyone. It takes a huge amount of courage to start a quit. It's heartbreaking when it fails (for whatever reason), and makes it harder for people to try again each time they relapse. Let's help newbies and give them a real valuable piece of advice. That is: There is no point in trying to quit unless you WANT to stop smoking. Dress it up as you will, that WANT is essential to success.
Peer pressure, family pressure, medical advice, illness will not see you quit unless you WANT to.
This is my first anniversary. I quit cold turkey a year ago and have used this forum to help me and give me inspiration and support. That is has and I will be eternally grateful to all on here. Only now, a year in do I have the self-confidence to class myself as a non-smoker. Every day I remind myself I don't WANT to smoke. As long as I don't WANT to smoke, I won't. That's true for everyone.
To be a successful quitter or to make it easier on yourself you really do need to want to stop, if you don't want to stop but you do anyway then good luck to you whoever it may be but I don't know many if any that are on a pack in smoking board who don't want to stop or haven't alraedy. lol.
Not read all the thread so apologies if I'm going over old ground.
Sure if you don't want to quit you won't but really its not about that.
Quitting is about how to maintain the desire to stay stopped, day in, day out. Its about retraining your brain so you don't see quitting as a sacrifice or a loss of pleasure as if you think you are missing out then one day it will creep back in during a vulnerable moment.
Its also about learning (through experience) how to cope without the drug which has become your constant companion and crutch, after all most of us knew no adult life without nicotine.
Everybody deals with it differently, and we have diverse backgrounds; some of us woke up and decided that enough was enough, others had a health imposed period of abstinence and just chose to continue that on and various other reasons.
Good luck with your journey and keep up your positive nature.
Here's my first ever post, I'm 39 now not 37 I just kept taking a run at it until eventually I knocked it down, turned out at the time that this forum was all that was missing.
Although the quit seemed to take ages just over a month from now it'll be 2 years and trust me if I can get to it then YOU can, the 2yrs has flew.
Jan 2012
"Hi everyone, I've smoked since I was 13 and I'm now 37 and super unhealthy, I found this forum and have already watched the s17 posted smoking vids and thanks, I've tried to pack in loads of times and have failed but only 4 where really serious attempts with the longest going for 9 days, I hate smoking now but obviously don't hate It enough but now I'm fed up of It and this forum might be the missing key to it, It's not a new year thing It's just another attempt, I've now gone 5 hours from my 30 a day filth and I'm getting irrative, sooooo hard but I've not cracked yet also I'm In work and I can't move for another 9hrs thanks Lee."
Thanks to everyone, critics and supporters alike for their input into this thread.
Lively debate gets results and identifies opportunities.
I would like to share with you my experiences and how I eventually became a non smoker. I have no wish to be morbid, condescending, clever, superior or anything else. I just want you to know how I did it, when I did it and why WANT is so important to me.
The journey for me began 10 years ago when I was 30 years old. Living in Manchester, I was (still am) married to great woman, had a successful career and a young son 7 years old.
American Independence Day 2003, I was working in Huddersfield. Much like any other day except this one had a little surprise for me. It's funny looking back, the things you remember. Friday it was, I had just done a job in Vodafone in the town centre and got back into the car to drive home. Friday, early dart! What a good do!
Used to smoke Silk Cut back then, and I had the ability to open the car door, start the engine, get in, open a pack of cigs, light one, put my seat belt on and be rolling in one seamless motion. Happy days, ah, but before I get on the motorway just check I've got enough cigs for the journey back to Manchester. About 14 in the pack - should be enough!!
Just going past Syngenta on the bottom road, anyone know it?
Well, then things went wrong, I won't go into details but I had a major heart attack, without warning and then the next thing I know I'm in Huddersfield Hospital being looked after by the Cardiac Care Unit.
Phoned my brother, he told the wife and they both came up that evening to see me.
Great the staff in Huddersfield, linked me up to a portable ECG so I could go outside and get some fresh air. By the time wife and bro had arrived, the arrangements for me to go to Leeds (Jimmy's) for heart surgery the following morning had been made. If all went well, so they were told I'd be home on the Monday.
They came out to find me, nurse had said I was outside getting some fresh air. By the time the came I'd already had about 6 cigs, and must have had another 4 with them. Well, it'd been a while since I'd had a cig, and was going to be a while before I could have another.
All was well, until I got back. Think (Know) the staff knew I'd been smoking but I thought who cares. Had a shower later that evening and suffered another heart attack, all hell broke loose and my journey to Jimmy's was brought forward, as was the surgery.
Lying in bed after, I witnessed 2 guys die from cardiac arrest that day, they were a lot older than me, in a lot worse condition than me. Strangely I cried for them, strangers I didn't know yet I was upset at their passing. I remember thinking about my son a lot whilst I was in hospital. I kept wondering what would have happened if I had died. Worse still I then became terrified I would die in hospital and never see him again. Thankfully that never happened and I was allowed home to begin the rest of my life.
Cardiac rehab followed, together with all the advice and physical activity you get back to normal. Best thing you can do for yourself is to stop smoking of course but you know what: I was 30, I enjoyed smoking, I'd been "fixed", things were back to normal - I didn't want to stop smoking, - happy days. Went through the motions of stopping of course, to please/appease family, friends and medical staff but you know what, "It was just too hard, I couldn't do it", over time people accepted that but the truth was I didn't want to quit. No need to change my lifestyle, no need to change anything - and nothing changed. A further 9 years would pass before things changed. It would be another 9 years before I WANTED to stop smoking.
That's a brief history up to the point I stopped smoking a year ago.
I'll tell you the rest tomorrow, in the meantime I hope you'll all agree with me - wasn't I a ****** fool 10 years ago!
Yeah looking back what an idiot I was. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Back then though, like most late 20's, early 30's I thought I was invincible.
My story does have a happy ending, I'm here, fit & healthy (I hope :)) and a non smoker. Looking forward to the rest of my life and enjoying every minute. I've still got a lot to tell and it will take some time to write.
I apologise to those with whom I appear to have got off to a bad start. No harm was intended, however, If I'm going to bare my soul in an effort to inspire people I need to generate interest and discussion within the thread to engage people.
It's hard to share personal experiences and feelings, particularly as a man. It's not like expressing an opinion or giving an answer.
If I can inspire just one person to quit, it will have all been worth it.
@Peter (Couldn't quote as every time I pressed quote it would ask me to log in although I already was :confused: )
At least now everything's turned out good I must admit, I wasn't exactly the picture of health either, pint in one hand fag in the other, chippy on the way home and repeat very regular.
Hopefully you're experience will push someone that little bit of an extra step that's sometimes needed as sometimes that's all it takes.
You and me both my friend. Still like that pint and the chippy on the way home home. And you know what Fixer, like you I enjoy them both a whole lot more without the fags.
In the early stages I didn't half miss them though, I could spot someone smoking around 100 meters away :eek:
It was a bit creepy when you'd be staring at someone smoking virtually burning holes in their head, gagging. I don't miss that though, tbh these days I don't miss any of it although it took time as most things I even did before my quit I usually had a ciggie in me gob so it did take some adjustments.
Wow Peter, that is some story, two heart attacks at thirty , bloomin hell. I am glad that you managed to quit. I would have wanted to quit far sooner, if want is the word you choose to use. You are right though bullying won't make people stop, every smoker knows the health risks they just choose to believe it won't happen to them. For me determination is the word, this time I am determined.
every smoker knows the health risks they just choose to believe it won't happen to them.
That true and a perfect demonstration of the fact that we can choose how we think and what we believe, as I always bang on about quitting is about choosing to think a different way. If you can adopt a mind set where you see it as a positive thing, i.e. regaining health, wealth and control rather that losing a pleasure you will be in for a much easier ride.
Nicfirth, we are on the same page, I said it is about regaining control, in an earlier post. I agree with you, while we are starting to smoke we are still in control, we tell people we can give up when we want to, as we don't realise the symptoms that nicotine can give us, for me it was chronic stupidity when I was craving a smoke. When we change our way of thinking, start to see every hour without a smoke as a bonus, start to realise that no that smoking doesn't taste nice, doesn't feel nice, doesn't help any situation, that it actually forces us into situations we really would rather not be in. Fighting your way through a huge room to find the door to stand outside in the wind and rain so you can smoke, eeeeeeeh no that isn't a great feeling at all. Once the crave kicks in, if you imagine one of your horrible experiences instead of this tv ad we have in our head of us enjoying a smoke and feeling mellow, In no time you find that your brain is ahead of the crave so it cuts them down. Dealing with triggers can be different but again a different mind set will help to deal with them too.
Like you I too have been quit for 1 year, my final quit date 25/11/2012. Just wish I'd done it sooner but better late than never.
New quitters - just never give up on giving up. No matter how many times it takes it is achievable and the freedom you'll feel when you actually succeed is worth more than words can say.
The advice in the above posts about changing your mindset to what the positives if not smoking can bring is so true, the members going through you're early stages of the quit you might think that people bang on too much about "it gets better" people bang on about it as it's TRUE! It just takes time and is worth it's weight in gold once you get there, might take a couple of months, might take a year but it's there.
Karri ... wtf!! You've trodden these boards long enough that posts and comments such as Peter's making ought not ever demoralise you. And well you know that some folk set out not in the 'right frame of mind set' - and are years down the line still not smoking.
Grab back your positivity, your belief and hope in yourself. It's your quit, own it, treasure it and don't let it go. Enjoy your journey.
So I pop in after months and who do I see posting? My fabulous buddy Pol.... how lovely Xxxxx Was just talking about you today haha
And Karri... come on... stop being argumentative... Peter is quite right... you've got to want it... why else would you go on this crap journey of quitting.... it's a lousy journey but when you get to your destination you'll be so happy you made the trek. If you want it, you'll learn whatever you need to learn to be successful at it... you've got to want it cause otherwise you'll start mourning the past and that'll drag you back... you've got to want to be free... it's your fuel for the journey... the want, the desire, the hope... whatever you want to call it... it's what will push you along when it get's tough. Good to see you on the boards again... and best of luck!
Ive just logged in and read your post....explaining your reasons etc. Thankyou for sharing it. This is the kind of post that has helped me to stay focused and stay quit. Although it was one of the most difficult times in your life, its the sharing of this kind of post that others read and think...id read stories like this and think "I dont want that to happen to me", not once did I think "I want to stop"....thats what leads to the "Ill do it eventually" or "Ive got time yet, Im young".....
So, well done on your first year, it is an amazing achievement!! And I hope your health is brilliant too!
For nine years after my heart attack I continued where I had left off as if nothing had changed. Well, it hadn’t had it? I’d had a health problem and the doctors had fixed it. Worst part of the whole thing was being in hospital for a few days – nothing worse when you’re imprisoned and can’t do what you want to do – drives you mad, or at least it does me. Anyway I digress, right through my 30’s I worked hard, played hard and, best of all, watched my son grow up into a fine young man. Looking back I was very fortunate, things could have been so different.
I certainly lead a charmed life. I have a great family and am lucky we can enjoy some of the good things in life. My son’s now in further education and looking forward to University. He want to become a Sports Teacher. He’s as fit as a butcher’s dog, loves sport and lives his life to the full.
In a nutshell that’s the most of the last 10 years; apart from the last year. This last year has been somewhat different.
You see a year ago I had another heart attack and was very lucky to survive that one. I became the proud owner of 7, yes 7 stents such was the condition of my arteries. Emergency surgery saved my life. The consultant was brilliant. He’d saved my life and told me straight, all my arteries are “f****d” – his words not mine. He told me stents were not really the solution but had been the only option, bypass surgery was needed such was the state of my heart but he had no time to do that, and didn’t think I’d survive open heart surgery.
Just like before I was okay again. I’d been fixed. Happy days. Unbelievable to think like that but I did; initially! I remember lying in bed again but not so ****-sure this time. I didn’t cry for others, I cried for myself. The consultant was brutally honest with me. He told me if I was lucky, very, very lucky, I’d go another 10 years without a problem. But he did say that problem would come sooner or later and when it did I wouldn’t survive. His guess was that my arteries would burst and kill me instantly when I next had a heart attack.
I was almost 10 years older and by continuing to smoke had done 10 years more damage. I was petrified. Not so clever now, not 30 but nearly 40 and s**t scared. He offered me a deal, stop smoking and he’d continue to see me in his clinic and assess me for suitability for bypass surgery when he considered I was fit enough. I agreed! – I Lied!
STOP SMOKING!? I had not thought about it and had every intention of continuing to smoke even after this second heart attack, - I enjoyed it. I remember thinking “I have to see the consultant again in 2 months, I’ll brush my teeth really well that morning, chew some mints and he’ll never know”.
2 months hadn’t passed. I was sat at home watching telly when I got a call. Sue rang and told me Mal was in hospital having tests. Mal’s my best mate from school and Sue’s his wife. Turned out he had testicular cancer. Boy did I take the p**s! Only to lighten the mood when appropriate. Anyway we talked like best mates do, no actually we talked like brothers, no holds barred, I remember telling him I loved him. Not like that! I hope you know what I mean.
Anyway, I remember getting home from the hospital being upset. Worrying for my best friend, I’d never known anyone with cancer; cancer for f**k sake, anything but cancer I thought.
Caz, that’s my wife by the way, new I was really upset. She’s brilliant, she knew exactly how I felt. She told me I had to be there for Mal, she said Mal would always be there for me and, looking back he always had been.
She left me alone, downstairs drinking and smoking and went to bed. I was upset about Mal, no actually I was ‘kin angry that it could happen to such a great guy. Caz knew it and knew I needed space.
I sat there most of the night on my own getting p****d and feeling sorry for myself. I ran out of fags, f**k I ran out of fags, angry, screaming, f**k cancer, f**k heart attacks, f**k life, f**k fags, f**k, f**k, f**k. F**K I DON’T WANT TO DIE. F**K I DON’T WANT MAL TO DIE.
I woke up feeling like I was going to die but the first thing I said to Caz was I didn’t want to die and I didn’t want Mal to die. She told me, she didn’t want me to die. She told me she loved me.
I knew then if I didn’t want to die I had to stop smoking. But do you know what; you can’t tell people you don’t want to die, crikey you’d get locked up. What you can do though is disguise it and tell people you WANT to stop smoking. That is if you really WANT to.
Mal’s okay, cured so they say – I hope so, I love him. As for me, I stopped a year ago. I’m going to have my bypass surgery according to the consultant. It’s been a year, I’m celebrating but not gloating. I’m not there yet but I’m alive.
I never wanted to stop smoking until I wanted to stop smoking. That should make sense but I know it doesn’t.
I wish I’d known 10 years ago I wanted to stop smoking. Funny isn’t it, do you remember your elder’s saying to you: “You don’t know what you want!”. God we don’t but I wish we did. Good luck!
I hope Mal will be ok, testicular cancer is very curable so I hope in a few years time as old men you can joke about your close calls. You really had yourself blinkered about smoking, the fact that even after the second heart attack you even considered picking up the ciggerettes. I am glad that you have quit, and well done being a year down the road.
Thank you for sharing this with us, I honestly hope you can inspire many more to WANT to quit. Too many try and do it for all the right reasons but haven't managed to convince themselves they really want to. I am so glad you're friend is in remission and also so happy you are recovering and making the necessary changes in your lifestyle for a longer, healthier life.
Thanks for the debate all, I do hope I have provided you a little food for thought with my input.
I’m a straight talking guy who calls a spade a spade. I didn’t really want to, but I made a promise to tell you what happened to me, and now I’ve done it I'm off.
I’ll never know what happens to you guys, we’ve never met and we never will. I stopped smoking simply because I wanted to.
You're here for one reason only and that is because you want to stop. Don’t kid yourself, don’t dress it up and don’t look for someone to do it for you – It’s your decision and in the end it’s yours alone. Whatever you decide, you have to be prepared to live with your decisions and their consequences.
Thanks for the debate all, I do hope I have provided you a little food for thought with my input.
I’m a straight talking guy who calls a spade a spade. I didn’t really want to, but I made a promise to tell you what happened to me, and now I’ve done it I'm off.
I’ll never know what happens to you guys, we’ve never met and we never will. I stopped smoking simply because I wanted to.
You're here for one reason only and that is because you want to stop. Don’t kid yourself, don’t dress it up and don’t look for someone to do it for you – It’s your decision and in the end it’s yours alone. Whatever you decide, you have to be prepared to live with your decisions and their consequences.
You get one innings! Life’s not a rehearsal.
Goodbye and Good Luck.
Okaaaay - I'm thinking this is a little bit weird - we get chapter and verse on how rubbish we are at quitting, followed by a heartfelt diatribe of Peter's illness and his friend and then he's buggering off with not intention of coming back with any follow up whatsoever, is this a new breed of supertroll :confused:
I figured as much when he arrived - no signature, no date of quit, no details of quit, no way to leave visitor messages. And zero response to my question as to why he hadn't joined up to share his quit journey with others and only wanted to post now he was a year in. My guess? Mistados again
Or someone with a massive case of cranio-rectal inversion syndrome.
"I stopped because I wanted to" - well bully for you, for us mere mortals it's not that simple!!
"I stopped because I wanted to" - well bully for you, for us mere mortals it's not that simple!!
I think it really is that simple Gemma....
Let's say you go window shopping and you see this great coat... and you say damn, I want that coat... but it's expensive, and you think, forget it, I'm fine with my old coat......
But you see all these people with these new styles of coat, and you realize the new coat has this cool hat that keeps peoples heads dry.. and you keep getting wet, and your hair gets all messy and you think... damn, I really, really want that coat.... but you just don't want to spend that kind of money so you say, forget it, I'm fine with this old one... after all, your coat is comfy, it's what you're used to.. it has kept you warm and even though you've not had a good hair day since you've had this coat, you just can't seem to let go...
But this new coat just won't leave your thoughts... and you want it more and more... and one day you want it so badly, you say screw it, I'm buying the damn coat....
And you're really happy with your purchase cause for once your hair stays nice and dry
When you really, really want something, you go after it, no matter what... just like you're doing right now... you really want this quit so you just do it.
Bella I understand your point, however Peter is incorrect, that the word want is most important in a quit. In honesty most people want to be able to enjoy their smoking care free, and have no health issues. But they decide that wanting and getting are two different things, so they stop because it is the right thing to do, they then want to stay stopped because after making the choice they realise that it is important to them and their lives,. So it is possible to have a successful quit even if the first few days are rocky. It is all about mind set, and how you think.
Let's say you go window shopping and you see this great coat... and you say damn, I want that coat... but it's expensive, and you think, forget it, I'm fine with my old coat......
But you see all these people with these new styles of coat, and you realize the new coat has this cool hat that keeps peoples heads dry.. and you keep getting wet, and your hair gets all messy and you think... damn, I really, really want that coat.... but you just don't want to spend that kind of money so you say, forget it, I'm fine with this old one... after all, your coat is comfy, it's what you're used to.. it has kept you warm and even though you've not had a good hair day since you've had this coat, you just can't seem to let go...
But this new coat just won't leave your thoughts... and you want it more and more... and one day you want it so badly, you say screw it, I'm buying the damn coat....
And you're really happy with your purchase cause for once your hair stays nice and dry
When you really, really want something, you go after it, no matter what... just like you're doing right now... you really want this quit so you just do it.
I get what you mean but I still think Peter's making it too simple.
With my quit, I really wanted it, fought so hard for it but in the end couldn't hold on to it.
Wish I could quit now, but am not able to - not because I don't want to but a load of other stuff :/
But they decide that wanting and getting are two different things, so they stop because it is the right thing to do
You think that's true? I don't know.... most people do not do things because it is the right thing to do.... it's not enough of a motivator... people know they should quit, it's unhealthy, expensive, smelly, etc... but they don't... there has to be a motivator that sparks the desire....
So it is possible to have a successful quit even if the first few days are rocky. It is all about mind set, and how you think
Just because you 'want' a quit badly doesn't mean it's going to be easy... some have super rocky days, weeks, even months... other's mind's are more easily re-set, reprogrammed into a different way of thinking that cuts down on the misery, so yeah, it's definitely all about how you think... but regardless of how rocky your days are, you won't go on the journey if the desire and want for something better aren't there... and that's really all Peter tried to say? I thought it was a good point. The 'wanting' of something helps switch the thinking... it keeps you looking for motivation, reasons to go on even when it's tough.
It's all just wording anyways, there is no real truth in any of what people say.... you can look at something so many different ways, and it's fun to have a discussion.... in the end, when it comes to posting on this forum, it's all about putting positive things in people's heads, change their thinking in regard to smoking, distract them a bit if they are struggling... help them 'want' their quit more and more.. not just feeling like they 'have' to quit for their health, money, etc...
I get what you mean but I still think Peter's making it too simple.
With my quit, I really wanted it, fought so hard for it but in the end couldn't hold on to it.
Wish I could quit now, but am not able to - not because I don't want to but a load of other stuff :/
Quitting is a tough thing Gemma... I so wanted it too previously and couldn't hang on to it.... but the want is a starting point, it's what helps you make the switch.... once you made the switch the work begins... and yeah, it's hard.... if you're stubborn like me, you've got to spend a lot of time reprogramming your thinking, cause that's what will help you stick with the quit... you'll do it, Gemma.. I'm sure of it, cause you're still here...
Bluebelle, you are missing my point, Peter said without wanting to quit, you WILL fail, I am saying that while it worked for him, he didn't want to quit until he had to. Others will succeed because they decide to give up because of the health risks, the cost, the smell, whatever, they would have loved to continue but decided enough is enough and quit, and then wanted to keep that quit. Perhaps we are focusing on the word want too much, there are a lot of people who want to quit and fail too...... they really want to quit, so by peters standards they should have instant success which doesn't happen. Perhaps why we want to quit is what we should be focusing on. Changing our mindset from missing a friend, to getting rid of an enemy is a big help.
I gave the quit a go for my health.......and then continued it because my view had changed....I was enjoying the feeling....I think maybe its more of a want to "try" or "give it a go" than it is to stop. I agree that if you could smoke and have a healthy life, then the majority if not all of smokers would carry on...I would!
I think if your determined to give it a go, and you go few days or a week, then the want kicks in....the want to stay off them..the want to stay quit....the longer you quit for....the bigger that want becomes.
Health issues are different I feel.....you are kind of given your options...your mindset differs because you have concerns in the background/forefront of your mind which then reflects your overall decision. So in Peter's case, yes, I agree with BiddyPat.....he only wanted it because he was facing a very big truth!
But that was just me....it was the trying that was a big thing for me, the want to give it go rather than the want to stop.....
Changing our mindset from missing a friend, to getting rid of an enemy is a big help.
True... I think we're focusing on the word 'want' too much and the connection want/or fail....
You're quite right in what you say above... that's really the trick, in that short statement of yours. It's a huge shift in thinking and some take longer than others to get there... and there is NO guarantee that you won't 'fail' cause we're only human after all.
But once you get what you said above... and once you have an effective 'no I will not smoke because' dialogue in your head that get's triggered every time you want to smoke, you are ready to to go through the stages of quitting... and you'll get to the point where it is so automatic that quitting no longer becomes a struggle.
What I was thinking though is to get to the point of saying 'okay, I'm gonna tackle this quit smoking thing'... you really have to want that, cause for most it is a huge undertaking... and 'I should quit because' never really got me anywhere....
It is the courage to take that big step too, because for us all it is a big step. I had wanted to be a non smoker for ages, but I kept putting it off, I was afraid of the first few days smoke free. However once I got those over I am happy enough to keep going. I want to keep going, good riddance to that horrid habit I had.
It is the courage to take that big step too, because for us all it is a big step. I had wanted to be a non smoker for ages, but I kept putting it off, I was afraid of the first few days smoke free. However once I got those over I am happy enough to keep going. I want to keep going, good riddance to that horrid habit I had.
Oh it takes great courage, doesn't it... You've totally got the right attitude... I can hear it in your words that you're gonna be successful. I wish I could put your way of thinking/attitude into a magic formula and hand it to people who struggle with their quit.. it really is all in the head.
I had a friend in college once who was very light hearted and easygoing... she smoked as much as me (a lot) and one day she just quit on the spot cause she didn't want to waste her money on it anymore... she quit, didn't struggle, just moved on... I was so freakin amazed! I would have robbed banks to come up with the money for fags! This really made me think about the type of person I am... and the type of person on these boards who struggles... the ones who struggle the most are intense personalities, often explosive, stubborn, strong minded... anything but easygoing... this would describe me haha I think for that type of personality is just takes a little while to get there as we cling on to our 'old truth' too much. Eventually we all get there if we want it badly enough I guess... our journey is just a little tougher
I know what you mean. I have had several failed quits, usually because I thought I punishing myself, so every day I was miserable and that smoke was just a sneak away. ( which I did, I would sneak an odd one then lie to myself that it was ok to have an ODD one). This time I think the coin has dropped, I would actually be punishing myself if I did smoke, because then I would want to smoke again and I would put myself in a constant crave, so no thanks. I have to stop snacking though it is terrible, I am eating everything in sight, and as for sugar I never used to eat sugar but I have discovered the joy of cadburys eclairs. Well I don't want to be fat, but you know its better than smoking and I can always get fit If I have a good pair of lungs.
Great post. Unfortunately, some people think that taking the decision to quit smoking is like taking the decision to turn off a tap. You can always take the decision to turn it on again.
I get what you mean, because I also took the decision to stop smoking and turn off that tap, irreversibly.
I don't need to be reminded that I can always go back to smoking. Of course I can. But, my life is so much better now. I made the right decision.
Everybody on this forum wants to stop smoking. We wouldn't be members if we didn't.
However, what lots of people don't want, is the aggravation that goes along with quitting.
There's never a good day to quit. There's always some reason why you should wait. "Oh well, if I just get this out the way, then I'll quit". No, sorry. There's never a good time. There's always excuses as to why it will be better if you wait a few weeks and then "try" to quit.
Everybody here wishes they could quit, that's why they're here.
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Why not do it now?
all the best ones are unplanned I say!
Day 1 Here we go!
Day 1 - for the last time
