So here I am, logged in as Ropemaker with a second tab opened and listening to 'The Voice by Celtic Women' (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nX2anEXG0eE). Don't ask how but that's been my music discovery of the day. Was looking for soothing female vocalists and came across this and others but this one has been on repeat for the past half hour or so. I recommend listening to it whilst you read. Will make this read abit more epic haha.
I start from where I left off in my last post (where I declared my quit day as today). So there I was, psyching myself up, knowing that this pack was my last pack. I looked inside and noticed that there were 2 cigarettes remaining. This was the typical amount that remained around just before bed. One being the Pre-Bed Ciggy and the other being breakfast ciggy/OMG NEED TO BUY A NEW PACK OF TEN Ciggy.
As there wasn't going to be a morning ciggy, I thought I'd smoke these back to back just to remind myself why I'm quitting.
One second people, need to click 'replay'.
So yeah, I smoked my bedtime ciggy (or whatever I call it) and then within a few minutes I sparked the next one up. The Last One. I'm not sure about you guys but I tend to find it difficult to smoke two, I can feel my airways clogged up and can't take deep pulls. Smoked about half and was about to flick it away but stopped and told myself "Might as well finish it all", took another pull and thought "f**k it, just launch it".
Which I did
I was pretty tired, so went straight to bed. One thing I knew was that I was going to have a lie in since I don't work Saturdays and that the lie in would be about 9-10 hours. And that when I would wake up, my nicotine levels would be low, along with caffeine and blood sugar levels I guess!
Note to all Day One's, know that when you wake up from sleep, you're waking up from a fast. Energy levels are low, along with everything else. You're in a state of a chemical imbalance (inbalance?). We then begin to restore this balance. We break the fast, hence 'breakfast'. But it's what you break the fast with that will determine (or partially) how you will cope with your first day of not smoking. Don't want to get too much into this but if you want more info, ask). Anyways, get some carbs down ya! Should spike your insulin and get you going for the day.
When I woke up, I layed in bed for a few minutes (okay okay, about 20 minutes). I actually said to myself that I should have saved that last cigarette for now, this morning. I layed there thinking about smoking. I didn't think that I should go buy a pack or that I wanted a cigarette, just thought about smoking. Can't really explain it properly. It was weird. That when I realised that the mind games with myself had begun! Thought "screw it, I want some tea." Drank my tea and watched abit of TV (normally I'd have breakfast on the weekend but was stuffed from last nights Nandos!)
I then went to have a little smoke of my e-cig. I bought the e-cig like a month ago but didn't use it because the cherry flavour gave me a headache and it was a low nicotine one), I pressed the button five times and it lit up (battery life had reserved itself.. Hooorah). Took a few drags and it gave me a headache. Put it in my pocket, put my jacket on and went out to pick up some food shopping.
I went past my local shop and actually thought about buying a single (they sell single cigs for 60p) and then remembered that it was these singles that made me go back to smoking about I went smoke free for 4 months (after 4 months I started having singles here and there and next thing you know..yup). And managed to put together enough will power to say No.
Note to self. Never buy a single.
Before I went food shopping, I walked around the shopping centre just in case there was something I wanted. Wasn't. Then I walked past the shop I bought my e-cig and went inside. I said to the guy "What's the most popular flavour of E-Liquid?", He replied "Just depends". Great answer eh?, I spotted the tobacco flavour and bought it. Bought the medium strength as I consider myself a medium smoker if you know what I mean"
I went to the nearest bin and emptied out my ecig of the cherry flavour. I bet those that saw me must have been thinking "What on earth is he doing?" I would too! I squeezed in the tobacco flavour and took a few drags. and I must admit, within the minute, I felt different, I felt like I just took a drag of a real cigarette (in terms of mental/craving satisfaction).
That's when I thought to myself:
1. This is the right strength and flavour for me.
2. No need for singles (last time I had no e-cig hence 'into singles' slipperly)
Writing the above 2 points and being one for having a psychology interest (love to read stuff on psychology, should have studied when I was back in uni). I can add to the above that I've appeared to have (hopefully) found my 'Replacement' which is both physical and mental.
Further note to Day One'ers, Smoking is a Habit. A Routine. It's apart of you. However, just as it was formed, it can be unformed. Alot of the time we lose interest in say a habit (not hobbit) when we find a replacment. Something overwrites it. For example, say you have a habit of something (can't think of a good example!) and you do this something everyday at the same time. The only way you'll stop doing it is if you a) get bored or b) replace it with something else c) etc. The problem with 'a) get bored' is that when we're bored, we slip back into old habits. Back into our comfort zone. And in the comfort zone, we do not think logically. Do we even think?? we just DO. So, what I'm saying is that you need to be smart and not think about smoking. "But that's so hard", I hear you say. Well it is. It seems as though everyone smokes. I remember when I quit last time, all I saw was smokers. It was like the whole world smoked except me. So even if you manage to 'not think about smoking', it's impossible to have smoking taken out of your mind because just by making eye contact with a cigarette, you've just technically 'thought' about it. So you will have to accept that it ain't going to happen. Don't say to yourself, "I'm not going to think about smoking or cigarettes" because that is impossible to accomplish unless of course you're Will Smith from I Am Legend. I love Will Smith, Iiiiiiiiinnnnn west f..Sthaaap! Focus!.. So I suggest you find a 'Replacement', an easy solution is a e-cig. Or better still, find something within yourself. Find something to focus on. A Dream maybe? A Goal? A Goal is a good one, because the goal won't be to stop smoking, the goal (being a replacment) will be to <insert goal here>
What on earth am I rambling about? I've got no idea wheres I'm going with this whatsoever. Guess I just wanted to share something, anything. Guess I'm trying to help myself by trying to helping people.
The main points of this post is that:
1) I have now gone 19 hours without smoking.
2) I understand myself better than compared to over a year ago and I know where my weaknesses are.
3) I will smoke the e-cig until Stopober (hopefully)
4) I will not buy a pack or single cigarette, ever.
5) My respiratory system seems to be more clearer.
6) I've eaten well today.
7) I've listened to The Voice by Celtic Women waaaayy too many times today! *hits replay* Looks like this songs has been escapism for today (cigarettes are also a form of escapism).
8) I tend to ramble.
9) This post is too long and I'm not going to spell check it etc, so sorry for the mistakes people!!
10) I'm hungry.
Love you all!