Fear is a good thing?

[nsd_user663_54554]

This is a bit of a reality check, I have them from time to time so forgive me but I think it’s good to reflect honestly now and again. I also very occasionally look back at my older posts, anyone else do this? It can be quite interesting and sometimes sobering too.

For context, I quit on a whim having intended to “stop because I really should” for quite a while. Literally threw a pack away and said “that’s it, no more, the time is now”.

Then spent the next month behaving like a werewolf with insomnia, and looking at all the stuff on t’internet I SHOULD have looked at before quitting: The health benefits, money saved, what happens to your body after a day, three days, a month....etc. Effin’ell, how many years to cut that risk in half? It’s how I kept focus, also how I found this forum, and explains the difference between my quit and join dates.

Quitting cold turkey can take steel, and grit, and the odd visit to some potentially dark places. We all hope we’ve dodged a bullet, and at the time I remember thinking “how much irrepairable damage have I done? What more would be done if I continued to smoke?” During those early weeks I think I scared myself very badly with these thoughts, the abject FEAR of smoking was my biggest emotion, and one that has influenced how far I’ve come.

If I picture the act of buying a packet, opening it and getting the first whiffy hit of the smell, then lifting the lid to see them there it’s not a good mental picture. It occasionally disturbs me now, but in a funny teenage horror film kind of way – the ‘hold head in hands and cower in a corner’ kind of way. The ‘no no no no no don’t do that don’t go in there it’s very bad indeed don’t open the cellar door Hawkeye’ kind of way.

So that’s how I see it occasionally now, smoking just one would be like stepping through the cellar door into a scary movie! Wierd! There’s a slim chance it might not, but I’m not going to gamble and open the cellar door - why risk it?? I really feel like I can maintain a smoke free life and I’m hugely optimistic about it, but just wanted to log the feeling of fear that accompanied the early days of my quit.

N.O.P.E.

Right, that’s that. Back to having fun!!

[nsd_user663_54554]

Keep denying them Max, you're one of my quit buddies and a great inspiration, and all I'm doing is logging some thoughts in a journal type thing here. We'll get to raise a toast with a beer in the penthouse for sure!