Oh have so much to vent and really trying to organize my thoughts... ok breathe.
Let's start by me telling you that I am hanging on to this quit tonight by the slimmest of threads imaginable. Yes I know I have a flare for the dramatic but I really mean it. So on with it....
I came home tonight with the best of news and went to dinner to celebrate. When the conversation with the BF turned to this site and I spoke of some of you I consider my online friends and some of the issues or topics we were discussing. I like to tell of your personalities and so forth and some of the funny moments etc.
Never did I expect him to react as he did. He basically called me a weirdo and said that online friends don't exist and I am living in a fantasy world.
sorry, feel free to censor me here but WTF??
I tried to talk about the difference between chat sites and a site that is support driven for addiction but nope, told me I am "F*d up and need to not be thinking that anyone online is anything close to a friend. What????
Apparently I am told that I waste too much time thinking about smoking and am delusional if I think I really know any of you and basically I need help. WOW!!! Some support system.
Then he tried to cover by saying I take things too personally and that's just his opinion and I am making too much of a big deal of it. Again wow!!
So I ask you, how many of you feel that this has been your lifeline and have met people that you feel connected to or that you have come to define as a friend. Please tell me.... am I delusional? Shall I be so cynical as to think that everyone here is just as needy, crazy and weird as me?
I am absolutely gutted that someone purported to be "my partner" would think so little of me and those that have addictions who seek like minds for support and friendship. Lest I ramble on too long, I would appreciate any thoughts on this. :confused:
At the moment I am just trying to hang on to this quit. My first reaction obviously was to run to the store and buy the very thing that will give me a temporary security blanket, a place to feel safe, right and maybe some measure of relief from the anger, and hurt that I feel right now. I don't know what to do honestly. This was my time, my quit, I was so positive I was doing the right thing. now I don't know what to think.....
I am just a hairs breath away from packing a bag and leaving but I realize it isn't a financial option.
Anyway, I know most of you are sleeping so I will wait for a reply hopefully in the morning. Not sure where this night will see me but no matter what I will check in tomorrow morning.
I'm sorry this is all such personal stuff but I don't have any family so I guess to some degree you guys are it. I guess that does make me weird after all no?