Like many people I decided that I need to write something down as a little aide-mémoire to refer back to during times of temptation in the coming weeks and months.
After 18 years of smoking, with perhaps a year's worth of breaks along the way due to previous attempts at quitting, I'm determined to kick it for good this time with the aid of Champix.
I've never liked the fact I'm a smoker, I've always felt ashamed of myself every time I grab my coat and head outside the office for a smoke. Every time I do it I can feel the looks from my colleagues burning into me as I make the long walk of shame towards the door.
I'm tired of being tired, having managed to quit in the past for reasonable lengths of time I can remember what it's like to live without carbon monoxide coursing through my veins. The sudden increase in energy levels is astounding when you quit, and the decrease is similarly terrifying when you start again.
The real revelation came a couple of weeks ago, I was at home at the weekend, my 8 month old twins were playing on the floor and I wanted to play with them, but I just didn't have the energy, I felt stuck to the chair, out of breath and miserable. I remembered the feeling from my last relapse back into smoking and it suddenly became clear. Giving up smoking would make me a better, healthier and thus happier father. I've never had a better reason to quit or a stronger determination.
I'm fed up of waking up and feeling that weight on my chest, the discomfort when trying to take a deep breath and the sore throat because my mouth is so dry.
I'm sick of lying awake obsessing over my health, wondering when all these years of abusing my body will finally catch up with me leaving my children without a father and my wife without a husband.
And finally I'm sick of being a slave to nicotine, I'm fed up with dreading every flight or long train journey because I have to go without my precious drug. Tired of watching the clock in every meeting waiting for my next fix and then standing outside in whatever the great British weather has to offer whilst I suck up enough poison to get me through the next two hours.
Sometimes I like to wonder what an alien race would think if they looked down on us now, here we are, a (mostly) civilised society, yet a good percentage of us sees the benefit of taking a tube full of foliage, putting it in our mouths and then setting fire to it to inhale the harmful and addictive chemicals. This is a perfectly natural action for every smoker, it's when you look at what you're actually doing that you realise how ridiculous an action that is.
If tobacco were discovered tomorrow it would be made illegal just like every other harmful substance.
Anyway, there's my reasons for quitting, sorry if it's a bit lengthy and dramatic but it's how I truly feel and I imagine there will come a time in the near future that I need reminding of that.