I'm feeling like the walls are closing in on me. I thought that with the pressure from work easing this week, I would have got myself back together. Instead, it feels like I am fighting a new battle, with more things in my life going wrong.
Have tried getting out for a walk, but without going into much detail (I don't feel I can on an open forum) the atmosphere at home is far too oppressive, far too depressing.
I feel lost. In my head I have already smoked, though I haven't walked to the shop to pick up the evil stuff yet.
I'm desperately trying to reason with myself. I'm not stupid, I know that smoking isn't going to make my problems go away. But then I think that if I at least allow myself to smoke, then at least there will be one less battle going on inside me.
So although I'm still trying to be strong, I feel my resolve dwindling second by second.
I don't know if any of your messages of support would even help, so not sure why I'm typing this. Maybe it's because I just want to verbalise my feelings.