Deep Emotions but Life is Good! :)

*** Warning - Waffle Alert! ***

If you are allergic to the ramblings of an idiot - please change the channel now!

Hi All

I hope you are well?

Firstly I would like to congratulate everybody for doing so damn well with your quit. This journey we are on is a long and winding one with many a rollercoaster moment, it is heart warming to see so many people doing so well as they travel its rocky road.

I must say that I have been a "Gentleman's Sausage" of late!

I have found myself avoiding the forum, as I have been experiencing some very strong and strange emotions.

I have been struggling to understand .... what it all means.

I know for a fact that I have been withdrawing into my shell, convincing myself that I didn't need anybody for my quit anymore. I've always been a loner in life to a degree and have never really shared my emotions with anybody...especially via the medium of a forum.

When I first joined the forum my life was upside down with the seismic change of quitting smoking!

I felt emotionally open and enjoyed the opportunity to share my feelings with anybody that cared to listen....it was liberating.

As my quit has lengthened and my life has slowly started to return to some resemblance of normality my old "I don't need anybody" voice began to sing....I suddenly realised how open I had been and my defence mechanisms kicked in to close me down - shut me off!

This has been followed with a vast array of powerful emotions and states of mind.

These included, but were not limited to, anger, resentment, sadness, lethargy, procrastination (my old arch enemy from my smoking days), a bit more anger, a bit more sadness, loss of self confidence (what....again? pfft!), confusion (about why I'm quitting), loss of direction.

All of these can be seriously harmful in the wrong hands.....mine!

So, today, it was time to sit and think long and hard about what exactly is going on here?

What am I doing?

What do I want to do?

Who and what do I need in my life?

I hope that what I have been and am still going through is just another part of my personal quit.

I thought of those words again - "Keep your memory green"

I went back to my original reasons and pulled them close to me.

For some strange reason (probably a dip in confidence .... perhaps backed up by comments I have received from some of the people in my life) that my quit wasn't working ... my quit wasn't good enough .... well I got news for them .... it's my quit and I'm doing it my way!

I am over the moon that:

I no longer suck smoke in to my body.

I am fitter than I ever have been.

My weight has continued to fall to the level I was aiming at before I quit.

I feel physically stronger than I ever have before.

When I add these up ..... maybe I'm not doing too bad! :)

Again I want to say congratulations to everybody for your quit.

I wish you all the greatest strength in the world.

At the moment:

I feel closer to my quit buddies than I ever have....and that feels good.

I'm trying to weave myself back into the tapestry of life - this time without smoking.

I've got a little glass of something to lubricate.

I've got The Jimi Hendrix Experience on .... turned up to 11!

As Jimi has just sang for all of us..... (heavily amended with poetic licence)

"We are highway children - Walk on brothers & sisters"

LIFE IS GOOD! :)

Take care

Greg

x

forum.nosmokingday.org.uk/p...

22 Replies

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  • Hi Greg, You are what you are.... a unique person.

    We all deal with things differently, quitting is one of them things. You have quit something that featured in your life on a daily basis and it takes some adjusting to. The strong emotions that you are feeling are part and parcel of quitting and are normal (for you)

    You can come and go as you please and we will be here for you so dont worry about that. I am not an expert on quitting but I know it is complicated and emotional experience and it can be difficult at times, I know.... I have been there. Glad you are back posting and sharing!

  • Greg, you are very eloquent in your postings, and they make an awful lot of sense. I, too am a loner, and like to do things alone, deal with emotions, pain etc, and as much as I get support from the people on this forum, I know I can always log off for however long I want to and not report back if I don't want to and people will understand as it's my quit.

    As you said, this is YOUR quit, and you MUST do what feels right for you. You will need this forum less and less, the longer your quit goes on, just keep your memory green and have belief in yourself.

    I think you are amazing.

    Yeah, his guitar slung across his back

    His dusty boots is his Cadillac

    Flamin' hair just a blowin' in the wind

    Ain't seen a bed in so long it's a sin

    He left home when he was seventeen

    The rest of the world he had longed to see

    But everybody knows the Boss

    A rolling stone who gathers no moss

  • Hi Nifty,

    It's probably your brain telling you to get on with phase 3 in my view.

    This is just a personal pearl of nutcaseness but I think there are three phases.

    Phase 1 is the decision, the act of putting out your last fag and vowing not to do it again. Takes a few seconds.

    Phase 2 is where we are now, dealing with the physical and psychological consequences of that decision, understanding and learning about life as a non-smoker. And this forum helps us to do that. I do however agree with Karri, in that I frequently read posts (NOT yours!) that may me think "for fcks sake, get a grip!!!!" And I don't reply to those. This phase can last for days, weeks or months, have you noticed how the vast majority of these forum rooms are for those within three months of quitting? And that's where 95% of the traffic is???

    In posting here, if you don't open up to a certain extent, you come across as impersonal and a robot, it's a bit necessary really. And also ok, apart from your first name and location you're still anonymous.

    You're four months in and I just think you're ready for phase 3, moving on which is necessary. You mention getting back to some semblance of normality, is that what you want? Is that what we all want? Have we defined what that is yet? And those people are factually wrong, if you're not smoking then your quit's working.

    So phase 3 - it's just life. it's a rich tapestry as you've said, but one that's now cleaner, fresher, calmer and more appealing, and you have more money to spend on it, and a different outlook to it. Lets get on with it, hey.

    If Hendrix and lovely alcoholic grape juice are with you than that's great. We're not dissimilar, we don't kick dogs, and you've articulated what I've been feeling for a few days now, I'm not far behind you Greg.

    :):)

  • Hi Nifty,

    It's probably your brain telling you to get on with phase 3 in my view.

    This is just a personal pearl of nutcaseness but I think there are three phases.

    Phase 1 is the decision, the act of putting out your last fag and vowing not to do it again. Takes a few seconds.

    Phase 2 is where we are now, dealing with the physical and psychological consequences of that decision, understanding and learning about life as a non-smoker. And this forum helps us to do that. I do however agree with Karri, in that I frequently read posts (NOT yours!) that may me think "for fcks sake, get a grip!!!!" And I don't reply to those. This phase can last for days, weeks or months, have you noticed how the vast majority of these forum rooms are for those within three months of quitting? And that's where 95% of the traffic is???

    In posting here, if you don't open up to a certain extent, you come across as impersonal and a robot, it's a bit necessary really. And also ok, apart from your first name and location you're still anonymous.

    You're four months in and I just think you're ready for phase 3, moving on which is necessary. You mention getting back to some semblance of normality, is that what you want? Is that what we all want? Have we defined what that is yet? And those people are factually wrong, if you're not smoking then your quit's working.

    So phase 3 - it's just life. it's a rich tapestry as you've said, but one that's now cleaner, fresher, calmer and more appealing, and you have more money to spend on it, and a different outlook to it. Lets get on with it, hey.

    If Hendrix and lovely alcoholic grape juice are with you than that's great. We're not dissimilar, we don't kick dogs, and you've articulated what I've been feeling for a few days now, I'm not far behind you Greg.

    :):)

    Couldn't have put it better myself!!! Greg you know my views, it's all part of the process but the main thing is its YOUR quit no one else's and you get to call the shots!! Welcome to phase 3 :-)

    Keep on dancin quit buddy!!

    Karen x

  • I agree Karen, that is a brilliant reply Hawkeye!:)

  • Nifty, I'm very much with you on this.

    You are very good at documenting the confusion.

    I'm not a bounce up and down quitter which is why I don't post much.

    I am a very determined quitter (8 months and counting) but I am totally confused by the mental and emotional side of my quit.

    All the physical benefits are good, but I think that long term smokers who have a predeliction to low self esteem, stress, anxiety and maybe even depression will find themselves with a recurrence of any or all of these symptoms. Dealing with this can be hard when you've given up your long term crutch. But deal with it we must. Hawkeye is right, it's another phase. We have to learn to face stuff, but not be afraid to ask for help.

    The not inconsiderable strength we have shown in kicking the habit shows that we are strong determined people. I think we just have to cut ourselves some slack, love ourselves a bit more and r.e.l.a.x. in a mindfulness kind of way. (Closet Bhuddist here).

    Sorry, to be long winded. May help some other new peeps who are flummoxed as to how they are feeling and feel lost on here.

    toucan xx

  • Just think, there must be a phase 4 where we don't even remember all the emotions, angst and worry of quitting and are just happy and content non smokers with a tonne of new friends. I've got my eye on that phase.

    I'm chuffed you've got to a positive place again Greg and I'm here if you need me quit buddy.

    Molly x

    Ps I love "All along the watchtower"

  • Hi Greg

    Nicotine is a mind altering drug and its effects are IMO much greater than is generally realised.

    I went through a whole range of emotions in the 1st year of quitting. At one point I went to the doctors concerned I was suffering from depressions and he diagnosed me with something which I cant remember the name of but he explained it as being just a really low mood and assured me that it would pass, it did. Other times I got really angry, other times would well up when watching some sad stuff on TV. Balancing that at other times there were feelings of elations, pride and achievement too.

    I think that our negative emotions are amplified a bit when we quit because we give away a psychological safety net, you then have to learn how to live your life with out it. It is of course very doable as non smokers don't have that net and cope just as well, its just that we have built up such a reliance on it that when its gone we don't know how to cope until we have a bit of practice.

    On the plus side you will come out of it more relaxed as you don't have to worry about getting all your fixes in and several of us found that we felt more confident and outgoing. My guess is because we don't feel like social outcasts any more but it also could be that nicotine has an effect of causing nervousness.

    IMO quitting is about finding a way to let go of the whole idea that smoking is rewarding or pleasurable and its about making sure you never ever let your guard down. Obviously if you just see it as abstinence and deprivation then you run the risk of it tempting you back at some point and you will always regret stopping. Alas I have seen people that quit ahead of me who didn't manage to adopt that mindset relapse even after several years so its its worth putting in the work early on. Getting to the point that you are happy with being a non smoker is personal and nobody else's business so don't listen to the nay sayers, just do it your way!

    Anyway just in case you were concerned everything you are experiencing is normal and settles down in due course. As you say its a journey there are people ahead for you to follow and people behind following you.

    My turn to quote song lyrics, lifted form Matthew Wilder:p

    Ain't nothin' gonna to break my stride

    Nobody's gonna slow me down, oh-no

    I got to keep on movin'

    Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride

    I'm running and I won't touch ground

    Oh-no, I got to keep on movin'

    You're on a roll and now you pray it lasts

    The road behind was rocky

    But now you're feeling cocky

    You look at me and you see your past

    Is that the reason why you're runnin' so fast

  • Brilliant!

    Another pearler from Nic Firth. BRILLIANT POST!

  • The not inconsiderable strength we have shown in kicking the habit shows that we are strong determined people. I think we just have to cut ourselves some slack, love ourselves a bit more and r.e.l.a.x. in a mindfulness kind of way. (Closet Bhuddist here).

    toucan xx

    This is very true!:)

  • Greg, You have had some brilliant replies here. I hope you feel much better after reading them:)

  • Nic, I find the whole psychology of this very interesting. I've simply taken away the reasons why I started to begin with and I'm finding that just fine as a motivator. Along with the reasons to quit which I've documented here and in my mind. I never thought about needing to negate the rewarding/pleasurable aspect, and I may at some point need to deal with that.

    So I think your post was thought provoking, supportive and clear - excellent in fact, thank you!

    Greg, i agree with Toucan that you're showing strength, and as Haze has said I hope we've contributed in some way :)

  • Thank you all for the fantastic support and insightful posts peeps.

    You all constantly amaze me with your ability to "read between the lines" of my rambling posts.

    Sorry that they go on a bit, it all just sort of "comes out" once I get going.

    Now, thanks to you all, I am armed with more information to continue moving forward with confidence.

    The ability to feel elated as well as down at the same time is definitely something new to me ... and something that I didn't think was even possible!

    I believe it when you say things will settle down....I believe this is what is starting to happen now ... and it's all good.

    I changed my signature in recent weeks, adding the midlife crisis comment. (thanks to Popo for reminding me in PM)

    I think that is exactly what I am going through, it started with getting a little fitter and realising that I could not get any better without stopping smoking....everything else has snowballed from there.

    I suppose as far as midlife crisis's go this isn't a bad one!

    Why couldn't I have been more interesting though ...... I could have run away with a secretary, changed sexual persuasion or bought a nnnnn'huge motorcycle and tried to wrap myself around a tree at 140mph!!

    Oh noooo....not me......had to just get fitter and stop smoking! pfft! :rolleyes: :)

    Thank you again folks,

    Your insights and comments are openly welcomed and very much appreciated.

    Have a great rest of the day

    Take care

    Greg

    x

    p.s Hawk ... I actually do look at my own posts and think .. Fcks sake .. get a grip! :D

    Dictionary entry for crisis:

    a stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; turning point.

    My money is on the "better" not the "worse" :)

  • Sometimes I think people tend to over think things.

  • Sometimes I think people tend to over think things.

    Yep....that'll be me then! :rolleyes:

  • And me. But it's what makes us who we are. Not wrong, just us.

  • And me. But it's what makes us who we are. Not wrong, just us.

    I didn't mean it was wrong, just people in general seem to over think things, I have also been known to do it on occasions :D

  • .

    That post was amazing :)

  • I didn't mean it was wrong, just people in general seem to over think things, I have also been known to do it on occasions :D

    Sorry Jane, I was a bit quick to post there. Apologies.

    I actually really, really wish I didn't overwork things!

  • So.....errrrrrr

    Which way is the over thinkers room .... 'cos I think I got a front row seat ticket! :)

    Do I detect a pattern here?

    Maybe only over-thinkers get addicted ... note to self .... stop thinking!

    forum.nosmokingday.org.uk/p...

  • Rewiring of an addicted brain

    Hi Nifty - I think you are doing great & at the stage you're at of your quit it is perfectly normal and common to feel the way you are at the moment. Your brain is rewiring itself from being an addict to a non-addict. It is a major change and "over thinking" things is part of the process due to the brain's plasticity.

    Around 4-6 months in I think that structural changes in the brain make us reconsider things. I found this on brain plasticity:

    Thinking is as important as doing. Physical contact is not a requirement when it comes to rewiring. Repeated thinking (and feeling) can also trigger a series of reactions which result in brain rewiring. We know that training for athletes and sports people is not limited to physical training. It also involves them visualising their moves and results. Why is this significant? This is because both doing and thinking can bring changes to the brain’s structure.

    Scientists have investigated the formation of synapses as a result of ‘thinking about doing something’ and found that, from a neuronal perspective, thinking can be as useful as doing.

    Read more: braintraining4all.com/posts...

    The things you're already doing such as bike riding and listening to music are great ways to help rewiring the brain. The feelings you are having now are perfectly normal & I have no idea how anyone can say someone's quit is "a bad quit."

    Your brain is making you feel "at sea" as it's rewiring and this too will pass.:)

  • Thanks Nonico

    That is really interesting, thank you for that.

    I'll read more at lunchtime when I get a proper break....grrr...pesky work!! :)

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