*** Warning - Waffle Alert! ***
If you are allergic to the ramblings of an idiot - please change the channel now!
I hope you are well?
Firstly I would like to congratulate everybody for doing so damn well with your quit. This journey we are on is a long and winding one with many a rollercoaster moment, it is heart warming to see so many people doing so well as they travel its rocky road.
I must say that I have been a "Gentleman's Sausage" of late!
I have found myself avoiding the forum, as I have been experiencing some very strong and strange emotions.
I have been struggling to understand .... what it all means.
I know for a fact that I have been withdrawing into my shell, convincing myself that I didn't need anybody for my quit anymore. I've always been a loner in life to a degree and have never really shared my emotions with anybody...especially via the medium of a forum.
When I first joined the forum my life was upside down with the seismic change of quitting smoking!
I felt emotionally open and enjoyed the opportunity to share my feelings with anybody that cared to listen....it was liberating.
As my quit has lengthened and my life has slowly started to return to some resemblance of normality my old "I don't need anybody" voice began to sing....I suddenly realised how open I had been and my defence mechanisms kicked in to close me down - shut me off!
This has been followed with a vast array of powerful emotions and states of mind.
These included, but were not limited to, anger, resentment, sadness, lethargy, procrastination (my old arch enemy from my smoking days), a bit more anger, a bit more sadness, loss of self confidence (what....again? pfft!), confusion (about why I'm quitting), loss of direction.
All of these can be seriously harmful in the wrong hands.....mine!
So, today, it was time to sit and think long and hard about what exactly is going on here?
What am I doing?
What do I want to do?
Who and what do I need in my life?
I hope that what I have been and am still going through is just another part of my personal quit.
I thought of those words again - "Keep your memory green"
I went back to my original reasons and pulled them close to me.
For some strange reason (probably a dip in confidence .... perhaps backed up by comments I have received from some of the people in my life) that my quit wasn't working ... my quit wasn't good enough .... well I got news for them .... it's my quit and I'm doing it my way!
I am over the moon that:
I no longer suck smoke in to my body.
I am fitter than I ever have been.
My weight has continued to fall to the level I was aiming at before I quit.
I feel physically stronger than I ever have before.
When I add these up ..... maybe I'm not doing too bad!
Again I want to say congratulations to everybody for your quit.
I wish you all the greatest strength in the world.
At the moment:
I feel closer to my quit buddies than I ever have....and that feels good.
I'm trying to weave myself back into the tapestry of life - this time without smoking.
I've got a little glass of something to lubricate.
I've got The Jimi Hendrix Experience on .... turned up to 11!
As Jimi has just sang for all of us..... (heavily amended with poetic licence)
"We are highway children - Walk on brothers & sisters"
LIFE IS GOOD!