Egg's post prompted me - I’m working in the East Midlands today, and had a good chunk of time to think about this in the car. Lunch, and colleagues have ‘popped outside’, I’m eating instead.
Apologies if it seems brutal in any way, but best tell the truth and I have to tell it to myself. Also appreciate that it’s two months in now and I’m post-rationalising to a certain extent. Two main reasons from the many:
Money. I have a young(ish) family – wife, and three children all in school. While most chancellors are incompetent, this one has hit middle England (and with it us) very hard, and the austerity measures are biting. We’re collectively avoiding wasting any money. I have to uphold my end of the deal, and not literally burn money away. I’ve thought in the past that “it’s my discretionary income and I’ll spend it as I want”. That’s the former selfish smoker speaking, not me, and it’s totally wrong of me to do that. I can’t justify it to anyone, so I’ve stopped doing it.
Life and death. I'm 42, and I hope to God that in 20 years time my increased risk of dying from my history of smoking is negligable, and nothing happens in the meantime. I couldn’t live with myself (wouldn’t have to, I’d soon be dead!), but my legacy would be sorely compramised from what I want it to be.
It would be a sad thing for my family to live with the fact that I’d so selfishly, stupidly, ignorantly directly caused or contributed to my own death. That is a very real possibility, one I've ignored, and I wish someone could offer comfort and guarantee to me that now I’ve quit it’s not going to happen. Of course no-one can, and I have to lengthen the odds of it happening...and the sooner the better. Which is also why, although I’d dearly love to do a parachute jump, I’m sure I never will.
My quit is now 100% a psychological war. And with a nod to Adam Richman, in the battle of man vs plant, this time...man wins! What other war can you win simply by not doing what you’re trying so hard not to do??