The last week hasn't been the easiest, but on the other hand not as bad as I expected, or had found before going cold turkey. However I nearly fell at a hurdle when I heard of the death of someone. Automatically I thought of a cigarette (and thank my good sense to have thrown all of my smokes and tobacco out and not keep an 'emergency' one like I've done in the past).
I thought it will relieve the stress, make me feel better and no-one could dispute my excuse for starting smoking again. After all a death is highly stressful and no-one could blame me right?? I would just smoke the one day, maybe two to help me get through it and then start my quit again.
Then I thought again. Would it relieve stress and make me feel better? No. The problem would still be there but I'd be adding to it by starting smoking. It would stress me out that I'd thrown 4 days (then) down the drain and I would feel worse. I would also feel guilty for using it as an excuse when the person who had died hated smoking and would have told me well done on stopping. One day?? Don't make me laugh. That would be me right back on the 20 a day again until another while down the road when I screwed up the courage to try and quit. How many more of those 'I'll quit next times.. later' can I give myself before I get diagnosed with something that will seriously affect my future and therefore my child's??
Amazing how many times I have failed quits before by using excuses of why it's ok to start/ have one/ stop again tomorrow. Not ground-breaking but I'm glad to finally see my addiction with a bit more clarity and stop lying to myself.