Day 8 and how I've been lying to myself

The last week hasn't been the easiest, but on the other hand not as bad as I expected, or had found before going cold turkey. However I nearly fell at a hurdle when I heard of the death of someone. Automatically I thought of a cigarette (and thank my good sense to have thrown all of my smokes and tobacco out and not keep an 'emergency' one like I've done in the past).

I thought it will relieve the stress, make me feel better and no-one could dispute my excuse for starting smoking again. After all a death is highly stressful and no-one could blame me right?? I would just smoke the one day, maybe two to help me get through it and then start my quit again.

Then I thought again. Would it relieve stress and make me feel better? No. The problem would still be there but I'd be adding to it by starting smoking. It would stress me out that I'd thrown 4 days (then) down the drain and I would feel worse. I would also feel guilty for using it as an excuse when the person who had died hated smoking and would have told me well done on stopping. One day?? Don't make me laugh. That would be me right back on the 20 a day again until another while down the road when I screwed up the courage to try and quit. How many more of those 'I'll quit next times.. later' can I give myself before I get diagnosed with something that will seriously affect my future and therefore my child's??

Amazing how many times I have failed quits before by using excuses of why it's ok to start/ have one/ stop again tomorrow. Not ground-breaking but I'm glad to finally see my addiction with a bit more clarity and stop lying to myself.

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  • Am about 15minutes away from being on day8 now....WELL DONE you for seeing addiction for what it is. Its still hard to stop but knowing the truth does help in setting you free!!

    xx stay free xx

  • The last week hasn't been the easiest, but on the other hand not as bad as I expected, or had found before going cold turkey. However I nearly fell at a hurdle when I heard of the death of someone. Automatically I thought of a cigarette (and thank my good sense to have thrown all of my smokes and tobacco out and not keep an 'emergency' one like I've done in the past).

    I thought it will relieve the stress, make me feel better and no-one could dispute my excuse for starting smoking again. After all a death is highly stressful and no-one could blame me right?? I would just smoke the one day, maybe two to help me get through it and then start my quit again.

    Then I thought again. Would it relieve stress and make me feel better? No. The problem would still be there but I'd be adding to it by starting smoking. It would stress me out that I'd thrown 4 days (then) down the drain and I would feel worse. I would also feel guilty for using it as an excuse when the person who had died hated smoking and would have told me well done on stopping. One day?? Don't make me laugh. That would be me right back on the 20 a day again until another while down the road when I screwed up the courage to try and quit. How many more of those 'I'll quit next times.. later' can I give myself before I get diagnosed with something that will seriously affect my future and therefore my child's??

    Amazing how many times I have failed quits before by using excuses of why it's ok to start/ have one/ stop again tomorrow. Not ground-breaking but I'm glad to finally see my addiction with a bit more clarity and stop lying to myself.

    Great post! Almost exactly what I have gone through...On day 14 today....Keep going you will make it for yourself and child!!

  • Thanks guys and well done to the both of you too :D

    It's the weekend now which I find tough but I'm going to grit my teeth and concentrate on not smoking today.

  • Growing up with tobacco

    I am 61 years of age and grew up in Glasgow in the 1950's in a house with 2 brothers, 2 sisters and both my parents who smoked. My father smoked a pipe, my mother cigarettes. As a young boy the ritual of my father sitting in his armchair, rubbing and preparing his tobacco, tapping, cleaning and lighting his pipe (he had an array of special implements for this purpose) made a strong impression on us as children. The pipe as 'theatrical prop' seemed to

    add gravitas and authority to his words.The impression of wisdom and thoughtfulness associated with pipe smoking was further reinforced by literary and cinematic heroes of the day (Sherlock Holmes, Douglas bader etc.)

    As an educational 'tool' the pipecleaner was employed to teach rudimentary craft skills. At Secondary school in the early 1960's our first woodwork class (I'm not joking) required us to make a pipe rack for home use, and (for those who might take up tailoring/textiles)an embroidered and hand stitched tobacco pouch! This was part of the official curriculum in Scottish schools in those days.Good Heavens!

    I'm pleased to say that despite these formative influences, neither myself nor my siblings have ever taken up smoking.

    I'm also pleased that both my parents eventually stopped. (they both did this abruptly, and employed different techniques for doing so in the 1960's)

    I wish you well in your struggle against the Foul Weed, and in the meantime send this short video (which I produced) for your amusement:

    Ginger Jock

  • Well done Wildflower for not smoking at such a powerful 'smoking ' time .even nonsmokers smoke at those times. youve been baptized with fire and can now face anything without smoking. iv found that by NOT smoking through these events we get to fully experience them and become enriched by it.

    Mash x

  • :D :D :D Ginger Jock. That video did make me grin. Very surreal. Funny I also remember making my mum an ashtray in primary school with pottery - and that was in the early 80s. How times have changed indeed.

    Yes mash. I read somewhere that the first year of stopping smoking is the year in which we are doing all these things for the first time that we possibly haven't done without a cigarette for most of our adult lives. We have to face all the circumstances to become accustomed to these events without one. For me this week it was my birthday challenge. Not too bad as I stayed totally sober :)

    Thank you felic2012. Not to say I haven't been tempted by the odd excuse but on day 18 now. Have even surprised myself with how far I've come.

  • Great post

    the first year of stopping smoking is the year in which we are doing all these things for the first time that we possibly haven't done without a cigarette for most of our adult lives.

    Or in my case all of my adult life so true and thought provoking, will file this away for a stressful day.

    Great post thank you

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