I want to record why I think I sabatoged my quit today so I can look back at my next attempt and avoid messing up again. I might revise it when I understand more.
1. Self-pity. I think I felt I was having such a bad time mentally that nothing seemed to matter. Why do I feel sorry for myself? Lonely, sad...my marriage felt apart at this time of year. Went to the pantomime yesterday. (why!!!)..loads of kids sitting on their Mums laps. I'm not a Mum and at 48 will not be. I need to come to terms with this.
2. Family. Since stopping smoking, I have felt quite distant from my family. This could be a result of the Champix, overcoming my addiction or just reality.
Christmas...well I'd be spending two days with them. Some of them smoke...I couldn't face being with them.
3. Too much time. Forced to take a week off work. Facing a lack or routine/ lack of distraction.
4. Complacency/acceptance. Maybe quitting had all been a bit too easy...
Perhaps I think it will be just as easy next time so why can't I have a fag????
5. Not enough Champix. I had halved my dose many weeks ago and slowly the desire to smoke crept back. I spoke to the nurse last week and asked if I could re-double it again for xmas. She said sure. I had started to do that last Wednesday, but it interferred with my sleep. I think yesterday I didn't take a pill at all. (in preparation for failure!!)
6. I stopped posting here. Complacency again. The novelty had worn off.
7. I feel my life is empty and smoking fills the void. This I have to sort out.
8. I have a messy relationship which makes me feel insecure. I have to stop it.
No-one has died, nothing terrible has happened. Its just my life.
I am not giving up giving up. I will try again.
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Hi Elizabeth, i think you could write down whats important to you to quit that may help you to see things differently. I know its hard to quit ive been having a nasty 2days myself but i havent caved in because i know that having one will result in loads. Willpower plays a big part in our quits do you think that your willpower just ceased to exist. Because that can happen but dont beat yourself up over it their will be other times for you to quit. Try and be strong thats what is needed as that also can get the better of you. Boo told me this today as ive felt lile crap earlier. And keep reading posts. Good luck and merry xmas. Jacqui. N.O.P.E. group. Quit:14.11.11
So sorry to read this Lizzie. You had done so well, and made such a great contribution to this site.
I am relieved to hear that you are sticking with it. You know that smoking will not help any of the "life crap" that you have listed here. And you also know that if you go back to it, you are pushing your luck health-wise.
Upping the Champix for a while sounds like a really good idea. And getting more active on here would certainly help - especially while you have more time on your hands. I can't tell you how much it helped me in the earlier days.
It also sounds like it may be time for some serious thinking and the developing of a grand plan for your future. Think about what you really want, and what first steps you need to take to achieve that. Whatever your desired future looks like, make sure that it isn't shrouded in smoke....
Happy Christmas Lizzie - I hope that 2012 sees things turn around for you.
Come on, you are not the first, and won't be the last, person on this planet to have to restart a quit. Okay, you are feeling gutted right now, as you know I did when I broke my quit after 50 days, but you will soon get over that and be ready to start again. And no over- ana1ysing either, it's not necessary. The second time around is a lot easier, as you still have everything you learned the first time, you know what is happening to your body, so it's not the journey into the unknown you made before. And I am back into Day 21 now today already, so Month 1 tomorrow. And at least you can say nobody died. Wish I could. So for me a smoking blip doesn't seem a big deal in the grand scheme of things. I have had every reason in the book to smoke this week but didn't. So if I can get through horrible times anybody can cos I ain't brave. So pull yourself together Lizzie, relax and enjoy the rest of Christmas, and have a Happy New Year. You will soon have your 75 day quit back.
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