I want to record why I think I sabatoged my quit today so I can look back at my next attempt and avoid messing up again. I might revise it when I understand more.
1. Self-pity. I think I felt I was having such a bad time mentally that nothing seemed to matter. Why do I feel sorry for myself? Lonely, sad...my marriage felt apart at this time of year. Went to the pantomime yesterday. (why!!!)..loads of kids sitting on their Mums laps. I'm not a Mum and at 48 will not be. I need to come to terms with this.
2. Family. Since stopping smoking, I have felt quite distant from my family. This could be a result of the Champix, overcoming my addiction or just reality.
Christmas...well I'd be spending two days with them. Some of them smoke...I couldn't face being with them.
3. Too much time. Forced to take a week off work. Facing a lack or routine/ lack of distraction.
4. Complacency/acceptance. Maybe quitting had all been a bit too easy...
Perhaps I think it will be just as easy next time so why can't I have a fag????
5. Not enough Champix. I had halved my dose many weeks ago and slowly the desire to smoke crept back. I spoke to the nurse last week and asked if I could re-double it again for xmas. She said sure. I had started to do that last Wednesday, but it interferred with my sleep. I think yesterday I didn't take a pill at all. (in preparation for failure!!)
6. I stopped posting here. Complacency again. The novelty had worn off.
7. I feel my life is empty and smoking fills the void. This I have to sort out.
8. I have a messy relationship which makes me feel insecure. I have to stop it.
No-one has died, nothing terrible has happened. Its just my life.
I am not giving up giving up. I will try again.