New Here And Not Sure I Can Quit!

Hi!

I'm new here, only just registered. I am 49 and been smoking since I was 17. I class myself as a heavy smoker, at least 20 a day.

I'm sat here smoking cig no9 of the day as I write this. Sunday is my quit day and my first ever attempt. Tomorrow night I have a party which is why I've chosen Sunday as my quit day, wasn't sure a party was a good way to start as I know there'll be people there smoking.

I have health issues, some smoking related others (according to my doctor) are not, yet I still keep lighting up and puffing away, while all the time in my head are the health issues - they're not going to go away while I'm still a smoker and I hate myself because of that.

I had a scare about 4 years ago where I was coughing up blood, not continuously but on and on over a period of months. I eventually pulled my head out of the sand and saw my doctor. After numerous tests it turned out to be a nasty lung infection and thankfully the antibiotics put a stop to it. I promised myself whatever the outcome of the tests, I would quit.

Four years on I've moved no further forward.

Last year I had moments of finding blood in my mouth and I thought the problem had returned. Another batch of endless tests were carried out and eventually I was diagnosed with Essential Thrombocythemia, a Myloproliferative disorder of the blood. My consultant says this isn't as a result of smoking but I'm not convinced. I'm now on lifelong medication to control the problem - there is no cure.

During these tests it was revealed I have shadows on both lungs - this has been diagnosed as bronchiectasis........another condition for which there is no cure. My lungs are rubbish and are older than I am - the tests 4 years ago revealed I had the lungs of a 64 year old......I was 45!

I know I have to stop smoking but I'm scared I can't! That's why I've joined the forum, I've visited the forum and read people's stories which has inspired me to join up and attempt the quit.

Sorry for the endless rant!

24 Replies

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  • Toni,

    Welcome to the site.

    I don't need to tell you all the good reasons for giving up smoking in terms of your health, because clearly you know all that. But I can tell you another good reason that you might not have thought of.

    Giving up smoking FEELS BLOODY GREAT. It's freedom. I know when you're contemplating life without fags it's scary - I felt the same. I identified myself as a smoker. I couldn't imagine facing my day without cigarettes. But a few weeks of withdrawal down the line and I promise you, I can't imagine voluntarily going back to being a slave to nicotene. Life is immeasurably better without it.

    Giving up smoking is not a sacrifice, it's a gain.

    Everyone on this site has been where you are. We've all felt the fear. And we'll all tell you the same thing:

    Of course it's not easy. But it absolutely can be done. Take it one day at a time (focus on one hour/one crave at a time in those early days). Drink lots of water, find something to occupy your hands when you're antsy. Read as much as you can to educate yourself/reinforce your quit. Post here, often. Walk away from that prison and don't look back.

    Helen x

    I highly recommend you read woofmang.com/tales

  • hi and welcome

    it is said that fear is the biggest reason people dont quit or fail a quit either they fear facing so many situations even everyday situations without a cigarette that they never quit or never seriously try to quit

    or they quit but never let go of the fear of coping without cigarettes so as soon as a reasonable excuse comes up [be it stress,something happening etc] they will turn back to what they know best to cope, cigarettes

    i myself considered i was a dependant smoker needed them for every emotion every situation, they helped me etc

    NO they didnt at all six months on i see smoking for wat it is

    did i beleive i would get to this point? no not in a million years but i have done it

    i feel my key personally was arming myself with as much knowledge as possible understand why u are feeling like u do, going on here knowing other people feel like u is such a comfort

    i recommend the allan carr easyway book i didnt solely use this i read it a couple of weeks into my quit but i truely believe it contributed massively to me getting this far

    are u going to use any NRT if u feel u need to then use it do wat ever it takes to quit i found the NRT got me in the right place mentally then once i felt strong enough i came off the NRT

    i will say quitting smoking is the best thing i have ever done in my life i never thought i would hear myself say that and i used to read it endlessly on long term quitters and never believed i would feel like that but i do it just gets better by the day, its not easy at the start but take each hour at a time and it will get better and esasier

    and all of us on here will see u through this

  • Hi Tony and welcome. Everything Helen said is so true, quiting smoking is the best thing I have ever done, it is the best feeling in the world to say I am a non smoker! It truly is FREEDOM and you do feel a lot better for it.

    Just read on here everything you can to prepare yourself and take one hour, one day at a time. I had been smoking over 35years so longer than you, and yes I struggled in the beginning but it was so worth it.

    Remember you are not giving up anything you are just stopping a stinking filthy habit and addiction.

    I wish you well and any time you want help just ask on here they are all brilliant.

    Maria. x

  • Thank you everyone for the welcome and words of advice. I'm not sure if when I say I'm scared whether I'm scared of the withdrawals/symptoms or just scared of not having cigs in my life, they've been a part of my life for so long I can't remember a time without them.

    For the person who asked about my method, I'm planning on patches, after reading all the info I can on quitting I feel they're the best method for me, so going to give them a go.

  • i think most of us on here have not experience any part of adult life without cigarettes i was 15 when i started and 40 wen i quit so its all i knew too

    u just have to get to know the new you

  • Hi Toni,

    Welcome to the forum! There are lots of people who can help you on here, give you advice and support, so for that reason you have come to the right place. But, you need to know that nobody can stop you from smoking, so first you need to be absolutely convinced that you are committed to stopping before you even begin. I will assume for a moment that this is the case... and pause here for now.

    Alex.

  • Hi Toni,

    Welcome to the forum! There are lots of people who can help you on here, give you advice and support, so for that reason you have come to the right place. But, you need to know that nobody can stop you from smoking, so first you need to be absolutely convinced that you are committed to stopping before you even begin. I will assume for a moment that this is the case... and pause here for now.

    Alex.

    Alex you're absolutely right, no one can stop me/us from smoking and since I started reading the posts on here I know I am 100% committed to quitting, in fact writing and talking about it, I'm starting to get excited about it.

  • Toni when I read your post I was like this :eek: and then :eek: and then again :eek:

    I am 48, have smoked since I was 17 and have been struggling to quit for the last 5 months. The spookiest bit of all though is I have no P1A1 antigen on my platelets so we suffer similarly with blood problems :eek:

    I have found that I have the desire to quit, I know I need to do it for health reasons and I don't want to be a slave to nicotine. The biggest obstacle I have is that I can imagine not smoking for a week or so but I can't imagine myself never smoking.

    I have read just about everything available on the internet to educate myself, bought a load of keep busy gadgets, books, dvds etc but to date nothing has kept me quit.

    I am at the moment trying to educate myself on why I smoke as this seems to be the key for me. I am reading a book which was recommended by a friend called How To Stop Smoking And Stay Stopped For Good by Gillian Riley. I seem to be nodding my head a lot in agreement which is quite unusual for me. I would definately recommend it as it is changing the way I think quite dramatically.

    There are so many people on the forum who have quit so it can be done. I wish you lots of success with your quit x x

    Thank you! I've just ordered the book which will be here tomorrow. x

  • good luck for Sunday Toni,

    I know I have to stop smoking but I'm scared I can't!

    you should be scared to carry on smoking! but i know what you are talking about, the feeling that trying and failing would be worse than just carrying on, i felt that too, but i think that soon goes once you have a few days under your belt, then you get the hope instead :)

    fear is often a good thing, e.g. fear of heights, guns etc, but (i think!) you need to recognise that fear of quitting smoking is a mistake, and that because of that you can put it aside, simply don't allow yourself to be afraid, like when we were kids and learnt not to be afraid of the dark just by telling ourselves there was nothing there!

  • Toni,

    It certainly sounds like you have enough going on with your body to need to stop right now, regardless of wanting to or not! Still, great to hear that you are committed to stopping.

    I'm also 49 years-old, and used to smoke anywhere between 30 and 60 a day. I stopped last year after getting a blood clot in my left leg, and was subsequently told some further clots had travelled to my lungs. Aside from an almost five-year interval of not smoking several years ago, I have been smoking heavily since I was eighteeen.

    Basically, I knew that I was putting my life in danger, and somewhere in the back of my head I knew that I could get lung cancer, and die a long and slow painful death. I wasn't aware, however, that smoking could kill me from one day to the next... Like you, the doctor said my blood clots "might or might not be related to smoking." I no longer want to take that chance.

    The strange this is, we all think we can have just a few more, smoke for a few more days or weeks, quit soon, push the thought of a potential impending catastrophe away, ignore the signs etc. UNTIL IT HAPPENS!

    I know I'm preaching to the choir here... You've been warned, and you have enough conditions to warrant stopping right now. I'm just trying to reinforce the message you bring.

    Don't hesistate to reach out. We're here for you!

    Alex.

  • Hi Tony welcome to the playground, I read your fear differently, I see it as a fear of losing your best friend who has been there for you through thick and thin, whenever there has been a problem in your life he has been there, health worries he has been there, major problems he has been there, how can you possibly continue to live without him, your whole life will have to change want it.

    You will have to learn to breath better, walk further, smell nicer, have cleaner teeth, cleaner hair, nicer smelling car etc etc the list is endless and I am sure that even though you are lead to believe that some of your health problems are not smoking related I bet it’s a contributing factor which doesn’t help.

    Mourn your quit by all means like an old “friend” but remember he was two faced and was out to ruin your life not enhance it, think of quitting smoking like you would taking up a new hobby, its got to be better for you and no matter what age we quit it will extend your life and give you a better quality of life.

    I want tell you it’s going to be easy or that there will never be days where you want think that you felt better when you smoked, cause there will, but the further you get into your quit the more you will feel the benefits, and this forum will help you keep focussed, also remember that even if you have only been quit a day you have more experience about quitting than someone who has only been quit a minute so you can support from day one.

    Wow that was a ramble and a half, good luck.

  • Welcome to the forum, I see you have had some fantastic advice already.

    I was also really scarred to quit, didnt think I could handle life without a cigarette in my hand. My god over 5 months now and my life is unbelievaly better. I am more relaxed and happy, something I never thought I could be without a cigarette. I wont lie I still regularly think about it and in times of stress my head tries to convince me I need one, but it is easy now to say no. From a health point of view I dont use my ventolin inhaler at all - I used to get through one a month - clearly I only used it to facilitate my habit :o

    Just take one day at a time, dont plan too far ahead or forever.

    Read as much as you can and have faith in yourself, its not as hard as it seems, good luck

    Tracey

  • Toni

    It is fantastic that you are now getting excited about quitting smoking, and as others have pointed out, we have all had that trepidation and fear about stopping.

    But it's the nicotine which is trembling with fear right now because you have decided to take your life back - You really can show that lousy monster the door with a swift boot up the rear end Toni.

    Just be good to yourself, eat that naughty but nice ice cream etc, drink lots of water ( Flavoured waters are yummy and so good for you )

    Post here often, we are a crazy but very supportive lot.

    ((((HUGS))))

    Ian :)

  • Hello again Toni,

    Was just reading this, and thought it might be an appropriate read for you!

    talesfromthequit.com/worry

    H x

  • I was to -

    Hi, I read your post and litteraly just joined the site! I appreciate everything your wrote and I agree with you..Im on day 7 and its been very difficult but not impossible. Today however is a different story, I cant find my patches and feel I feel literaly like a dog thats been hit by a car and made it home! Ive only been up 3-4 hours. I ALMOST gave in to 1 - still thought about it which is why I came here. What stops me...for now here. But my eyes and head feel shaky. Feel a tad swollen in body. It day 7 without nicotine - last 6 days i used nicoderm step 1. This almost feels unsafe! I have an expired patch i think im going to dive for it now....(bytheway i ususally am not the frum type, i just need to vent,thanks) Hi!

    I'm new here, only just registered. I am 49 and been smoking since I was 17. I class myself as a heavy smoker, at least 20 a day.

    I'm sat here smoking cig no9 of the day as I write this. Sunday is my quit day and my first ever attempt. Tomorrow night I have a party which is why I've chosen Sunday as my quit day, wasn't sure a party was a good way to start as I know there'll be people there smoking.

    I have health issues, some smoking related others (according to my doctor) are not, yet I still keep lighting up and puffing away, while all the time in my head are the health issues - they're not going to go away while I'm still a smoker and I hate myself because of that.

    I had a scare about 4 years ago where I was coughing up blood, not continuously but on and on over a period of months. I eventually pulled my head out of the sand and saw my doctor. After numerous tests it turned out to be a nasty lung infection and thankfully the antibiotics put a stop to it. I promised myself whatever the outcome of the tests, I would quit.

    Four years on I've moved no further forward.

    Last year I had moments of finding blood in my mouth and I thought the problem had returned. Another batch of endless tests were carried out and eventually I was diagnosed with Essential Thrombocythemia, a Myloproliferative disorder of the blood. My consultant says this isn't as a result of smoking but I'm not convinced. I'm now on lifelong medication to control the problem - there is no cure.

    During these tests it was revealed I have shadows on both lungs - this has been diagnosed as bronchiectasis........another condition for which there is no cure. My lungs are rubbish and are older than I am - the tests 4 years ago revealed I had the lungs of a 64 year old......I was 45!

    I know I have to stop smoking but I'm scared I can't! That's why I've joined the forum, I've visited the forum and read people's stories which has inspired me to join up and attempt the quit.

    Sorry for the endless rant!

  • I also want to add

    I pray that you quit for you!

  • Hi, I just think I may have something that can help you. Have you heard of Tony Robbins? He's sort of studied why people do the things they do, if that makes sense!

    He believes that people either do things to avoid pain or to gain pleasure and that the average person will do more to avoid pain than to gain pleasure.

    Therefore, to help you quit, you should focus on all the pain that you'll feel if you DON'T give up smoking and this will help you to get in the right mindset.

    Hope this helps and good luck.

  • Out of curiosity I clicked on the link - don't usually do that. Man, the book might be the best thing since sliced bread but if I was browsing, that girl in the video would turn me off before I even started! If I were looking for support in anticipation of quitting I would not want to be told by some actressy girl young enough to be my daughter, and with no apparent medical (or any other) authority, a bunch of facts about the dangers of smoking (which all smokers already know). I would feel hugely patronised, and I would instantly switch off.

    Just thought I'd share my opinions. No offence intended - I'm sure the intention is good but the marketing is very misdirected.

  • Out of curiosity I clicked on the link - don't usually do that. Man, the book might be the best thing since sliced bread but if I was browsing, that girl in the video would turn me off before I even started! If I were looking for support in anticipation of quitting I would not want to be told by some actressy girl young enough to be my daughter, and with no apparent medical (or any other) authority, a bunch of facts about the dangers of smoking (which all smokers already know). I would feel hugely patronised, and I would instantly switch off.

    Just thought I'd share my opinions. No offence intended - I'm sure the intention is good but the marketing is very misdirected.

    Thanks for your input, I have actually changed it now, I see what you're saying and then wondered why it hadn't occurred to me before!

  • Just Stop!!!!

    Post Deleted.

  • Well I failed...........in fact tbh never even got off the ground! Have spent the last few weeks beating myself up and I've been so down and depressed! There's so much advice and help out there (and in here) yet I still haven't managed that first step!

    Am really ashamed of myself I have to say!

  • Don't think of it as failed, think of it as a small step. So you didn't make it this time but this is practice for when you try again and you know how it feels and what to expect.

    I am on Champix and will have my last cigarette tomorrow. I have gone through panic, become anxious and stressed because I am afraid of how I will be but unless I try I will never know. What I do know is I don't want to be a smoker anymore so that is driving me on.

    Don't be depressed or angry with yourself, look at it as a learning curve and next time you will know better.

    Good Luck

    Lingy

  • Hi Toni,

    Definitely not a fail, just an aborted attempt :D

    I think I actually managed a quit on my 4th or 5th attempt, that lasted 6 months with the odd blip.

    I've then tried another 2 - 3 times and "aborted".

    Here I am the heading in to week 3 and I've never felt so good (sorry I don't want to sound like I'm rubbing it in); I've done this cold turkey.

    In my opinion there are two methods to quitting and they suit different people.

    1. Cold turkey - You REALLY have to have it in your mind that you're quitting for this to work. I was also a heavy smoker but due to health concerns knew I needed to give up, I didn't want to, but I had mentally quitted before I started. I didn't pick a day. I smoked the morning my quit started, went on holiday and used the change of routine to suit my need to quit.

    2. All the other ways - there are things you can use to help take the edge (sometimes) off the side effects.

    I don't think the use of one means you're weaker than anybody else; if this quit fails then next time I think I'll try some form of NRT.

    Look at this 'aborted attempt' more as a tester...one that didn't quite go right and that you can tweak next time :)

  • Hello Toni49

    I thought it would be impossible for me to quit

    im 45 .. started smoking when i was 16 .. a heavy smoker of roll ups

    I live alone too .. how could i fill the space that smoking has filled

    I used the 24 hr Niquitin clear patches and the nicorette inhalator

    and .. amazingly they work !

    I have grieived for smoking .. that about the worst of it

    i come online a lot and read everything i can about not smoking

    you can trust the NRT .. And lean on it .. it really does work

    my arms aches to roll a ciggie

    my lungs want to inhale

    all the movements i used to make smoking

    i am deeply pleased with myself that i have stopped smoking

    i do miss it .. but only sometimes

    I wish you the very best

    its an adventure .. a journey

    and surprisingly there are lots of good things and feelings on the journey

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