Diary of a Quitter - Day 50

First off, apologies for not posting for a while. I had some real-life stuff to attend to, I'm sure you've all been there.

Anyhoo, the good news first. It's been a whole 50 days since I smoked! That's a little over a 7th of a year. And I have to confess, sometimes it feels like an eternity. The craves are less frequent, but I still want to smoke... A lot.

In other more interesting news, i'm having a mid-life crisis. It's official.

The first hint that such a catastrophe was imminent was when I recently became overwhelmed with a desire to learn Kung-fu.

After having duly signed up and paid for lessons with my local Sensei, I applied my newly harmonised and feng-shui'd mind to the task at hand.

Now, as any self-respecting middle aged, slightly overweight and balding man knows, the first thing you have to do when taking on a task of this magnitude is go out and waste a fortune buying all the gear.

Picture if you will, the scene where 'Hodges San' emerges from local sports shop minus 250 quid (oblivious to the sniggering of spotty shop assistants).

He clutches a pair of pristine white pyjamas under one arm, and a variety of pointy ninja weapons under the other. He strides off up the street, confident in his ability to unleash a can of whoop-ass on the inevitable gang of thugs that will, for sure, be menacing a beautiful virgin in the next available alleyway.

Fast forward to first lesson. Hodges cannot help but notice that everyone is 20 years younger than him and looks like a handsome version of The Incredible Hulk.

Sensei decides that after teaching us a few cursory moves, the best way for us to learn is to pair off and have a scrap, or 'learn from each other' as he put's it. Needless to say, I was paired off with Jean Claude Van Damme on PCP. Anyway, my fight went roughly like this:

Jean Claude opens with: Death-grip-to-the-neck.

Hodges counters with: Farts-with-alacrity.

Jean Claude ripostes with: Swift-kick-to-the-nuts.

Jean Claude follows up with: Bend-thumb-to-impossible-angle.

Hodges responds with: Scream-in-agony-whilst-trying-to look-cool.

You can imagine the rest...

With the benefit of hindsight, I think that maybe I should have just bought a pair of shades and a Harley Davidson instead.

Onwards and Upwards

6 Replies

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  • Welcome back Hodges, I've really missed you and your wonderful posts!

    So sorry real life got on the way and I do hope that the lovely and very long-suffering Mrs Hodges is doing OK and things are on the mend for her.

    Really well done on the 50 days - fantastic!

  • Lovely to hear from you, glad it is going well.

    Good luck with your next lesson :D

  • I so enjoyed reading your post it made me laugh so much. Well done on your quit.

  • Good to see you back Hodges San and in such fine form. Thanks for the smile. Happy Easter to you and yours.

    Jen

  • hi hodges i have never laughed so much than when i was reading your post about learning kung fu everytime i think about it it makes me laugh theank you for cheering me up sharing that story:)

  • That made me laugh. Your mid life crisis' sounds like fun.

    I hate it when i have to explain to other people around me why i'm laughing at the laptop xxx

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