First off, apologies for not posting for a while. I had some real-life stuff to attend to, I'm sure you've all been there.
Anyhoo, the good news first. It's been a whole 50 days since I smoked! That's a little over a 7th of a year. And I have to confess, sometimes it feels like an eternity. The craves are less frequent, but I still want to smoke... A lot.
In other more interesting news, i'm having a mid-life crisis. It's official.
The first hint that such a catastrophe was imminent was when I recently became overwhelmed with a desire to learn Kung-fu.
After having duly signed up and paid for lessons with my local Sensei, I applied my newly harmonised and feng-shui'd mind to the task at hand.
Now, as any self-respecting middle aged, slightly overweight and balding man knows, the first thing you have to do when taking on a task of this magnitude is go out and waste a fortune buying all the gear.
Picture if you will, the scene where 'Hodges San' emerges from local sports shop minus 250 quid (oblivious to the sniggering of spotty shop assistants).
He clutches a pair of pristine white pyjamas under one arm, and a variety of pointy ninja weapons under the other. He strides off up the street, confident in his ability to unleash a can of whoop-ass on the inevitable gang of thugs that will, for sure, be menacing a beautiful virgin in the next available alleyway.
Fast forward to first lesson. Hodges cannot help but notice that everyone is 20 years younger than him and looks like a handsome version of The Incredible Hulk.
Sensei decides that after teaching us a few cursory moves, the best way for us to learn is to pair off and have a scrap, or 'learn from each other' as he put's it. Needless to say, I was paired off with Jean Claude Van Damme on PCP. Anyway, my fight went roughly like this:
Jean Claude opens with: Death-grip-to-the-neck.
Hodges counters with: Farts-with-alacrity.
Jean Claude ripostes with: Swift-kick-to-the-nuts.
Jean Claude follows up with: Bend-thumb-to-impossible-angle.
Hodges responds with: Scream-in-agony-whilst-trying-to look-cool.
You can imagine the rest...
With the benefit of hindsight, I think that maybe I should have just bought a pair of shades and a Harley Davidson instead.
Onwards and Upwards