Yesterday I managed to *deleted* wrap my new(ish) car around a *censored* *censored* lamp-post. And it's all Frank *deleted* * expletive* Bruno's fault!
He was doing an interview on Radio 5, and made me laugh so *deleted* much that I momentarily forgot how a *censored* steering wheel works.
So, now I have no *censored* transport, and to add insult to *censored* injury, some *deleted* knuckle-dragger nicked the milk off my *censored* doorstep this morning!
If I ever get to lay my *censored* hands on the *censored* cretin responsible, I'm going to *deleted* insert a *expletive* red hot poker up their *deleted* jacksie!!!
In other news, I really want a fag! Who's stupid idea was it to give up smoking anyway?
/rantoff!
On a slightly more upbeat note, my first cookery class will be posted later today. Anyone who wants to 'come cook with Hodges' needs a string of onions, a stripy black and white top, and a squeaky bike. Beret optional.
Onwards and *deleted* upwards
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Oh Hodges I'm really sorry about your car and the *censored* cretin that stole your milk. BUT you did cheer me up! Still howling now. What a very nasty person I am to laugh so much at someone else's adversity...
However I note you have a secondary means of transport in the form of the pre-requisite squeaky bike, so all is not lost. Routing out the onions as I write. Will vertical black and white stripes do? Horizontal ones are SO unflattering!
The smoking. Very well done for merely fuming not lighting up during all this. You continue to be the most entertaining and inspirational member!
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