Right, I am not *expletive* happy!
Yesterday I managed to *deleted* wrap my new(ish) car around a *censored* *censored* lamp-post. And it's all Frank *deleted* * expletive* Bruno's fault!
He was doing an interview on Radio 5, and made me laugh so *deleted* much that I momentarily forgot how a *censored* steering wheel works.
So, now I have no *censored* transport, and to add insult to *censored* injury, some *deleted* knuckle-dragger nicked the milk off my *censored* doorstep this morning!
If I ever get to lay my *censored* hands on the *censored* cretin responsible, I'm going to *deleted* insert a *expletive* red hot poker up their *deleted* jacksie!!!
In other news, I really want a fag! Who's stupid idea was it to give up smoking anyway?
On a slightly more upbeat note, my first cookery class will be posted later today. Anyone who wants to 'come cook with Hodges' needs a string of onions, a stripy black and white top, and a squeaky bike. Beret optional.
Onwards and *deleted* upwards