Day 5 and feel odd

Well here i am at day 5 and i am sooo proud of myself :D but......

i feel kinda odd... sort of conflicting feelings that cant even describe really....

I dont want a cig though so thats a plus point but i think i need to vent and see if it makes me feel better....

Hubby is really trying my patience - he wanted to quit so we started it together but so far he hasnt managed one single day without a cig and although i've really tried to be supportive, i feel like its a one way street and hes acting like my cravings/struggles are insignificant next to his and thats why he caves in and i dont! To be honest i dont think he is even trying and i really couldnt care less if he gives up or not - my quit is for me not him, i just wish he'd either make the effort to quit and accept my support without constantly moaning that its 'soooo much harder for him than it is for me' or shut up and smoke!

I can feel resentment building too cos when we agreed we would do it together we agreed that we would use the money to buy newer cars... We would use our savings and get a small loan knowing we could comfortably afford it with the money we saved from smoking...

We planned our quit day and he was so confident "we could do it" that he arranged the loan, took the savings and by the end of day 1 he'd got his car....

The loan doesnt worry me, i know we cant afford it with him still smoking so he can call the bank and un-arrange it but..I feel like i've been cheated!

He is the one that was so confident we could do it but he hasnt had a single cig free day and yet he's got the reward! It's so unfair... I feel like he deliberately tricked me and i'm questioning the state of my marriage!:eek: I would claim the car off him as my reward but its older than my current car and way too small to be used as a family car so that would be pointless.... maybe thats why he bought it......

sorry for the rant, think i just needed to get it off my chest before i exploded!

9 Replies

oldestnewest
  • I can't see your problem, solution is simple, cut the brake cables on the car, get insurance payout for dead Hubby and insurance payout for car being written off. No debt and you're got cash in your pocket.:D

    Well that's what i would have done if it had been on the other foot when i was on day 5 ;):rolleyes:

  • Am really sorry to hear that Tamwill... I would be absolutely outraged if someone who I was qutting with caved in because their 'situation was so much more difficult'... have you thought about telling him that maybe you're just stronger and therefore you can beat your drug addiction?? To be fair tho, he's like any other smoker who will give himself any excuse to smoke so no one on here can judge that.

    The loan and car thing sounds really good as an idea on paper! But obviously in practice it hasn't worked out... I'm sure the reason why he was so confident that you both could manage to begin with was not because ultimately he just wanted a new car but because he honestly didn't think it would be so difficult to quit. You'd be amazed how many people don't think that bit through.

    I'm happy you came on here to vent, do not let anyone or anything take the feeling of pride you should have right now away from you! You've done so well, 5 days is such an amazing achievement... if it helps why don't you compare yourself to your hubby and think 'wow, 5 days ago I would have been like him, not being able to go 1 day without a cig... now I've done 5 and tomorrow I'll be on 6!'

  • CamperPete, you're on to something there... :D

  • Well here i am at day 5 and i am sooo proud of myself :D but......

    i feel kinda odd... sort of conflicting feelings that cant even describe really....

    I dont want a cig though so thats a plus point but i think i need to vent and see if it makes me feel better....

    Hubby is really trying my patience - he wanted to quit so we started it together but so far he hasnt managed one single day without a cig and although i've really tried to be supportive, i feel like its a one way street and hes acting like my cravings/struggles are insignificant next to his and thats why he caves in and i dont! To be honest i dont think he is even trying and i really couldnt care less if he gives up or not - my quit is for me not him, i just wish he'd either make the effort to quit and accept my support without constantly moaning that its 'soooo much harder for him than it is for me' or shut up and smoke!

    I can feel resentment building too cos when we agreed we would do it together we agreed that we would use the money to buy newer cars... We would use our savings and get a small loan knowing we could comfortably afford it with the money we saved from smoking...

    We planned our quit day and he was so confident "we could do it" that he arranged the loan, took the savings and by the end of day 1 he'd got his car....

    The loan doesnt worry me, i know we cant afford it with him still smoking so he can call the bank and un-arrange it but..I feel like i've been cheated!

    He is the one that was so confident we could do it but he hasnt had a single cig free day and yet he's got the reward! It's so unfair... I feel like he deliberately tricked me and i'm questioning the state of my marriage!:eek: I would claim the car off him as my reward but its older than my current car and way too small to be used as a family car so that would be pointless.... maybe thats why he bought it......

    sorry for the rant, think i just needed to get it off my chest before i exploded!

    I think there is only one word to discribe your husband.....................................genius!:D

  • You crack me up John :D:D:D

  • Im so glad i vented all that now cos some of your relplies have had me crying with laughter :D

    Camperpete..... love your suggestion but a holiday in prison doesnt really appeal to me at the moment :D

    John.... you're right it is genius - i should have thought of it first and then it wouldnt have mattered as much! LOL!

    SLB... i dont think i am stronger, i think i just deal with things differently....

    If i have a headache i take a couple of paracetomol and try to forget about it, if he has a headache he doesnt take any paracetomol but wanders round moaning "oh my head, ive got such an awful headache, it's killing me" and the more sympathy he gets the longer he goes on about it until the sympathy stops flowing.

    The 'meanie' part of me thinks thats what hes doing with the quit really - the more he whines about how hard it is the more he caves in and the more he caves in the more attention he gets from people whereas if he just quit and kept it to himself no one would be any wiser and he wouldnt have to keep re-starting the quit for more attention!

    The 'nice' part of me just feels sorry for him that he is still locked in the grip of the cigs and even sorrier for him that once he creeps back up to 20 a day i wont be kissing him! :( yuk! :eek: it'l be like kissing a dirty old ashtray! lol!

  • Not only have you given up but you've done it while living with a smoker..............thats not easy :)

    We always went outside unless we were in bed and then we leaned out of the window :rolleyes: and to be fair to him he hasnt smoked at home at all - not even outside so i cant really claim he's made it any harder on me

  • Tamwill great job on staying strong with you quit. Next time he's leaning out the window smoking give him a push. That is easy to make look like an accident. Nobody ever sides with a smoker anyway

  • Hey Tam

    Bad hubbie! But good for you for keeping up with your quit - sucks that he got the "reward" but you get the best reward of not having to smoke anymore:D

    It does sound like he may be going OTT on the headaches/stress and using it as an excuse to smoke....I've been there - manufactured arguements with my OH in order to say "this is too stressful, i have to smoke" Sounds like you managed to get the right mindset and he didnt, hopefully he will get there soon - is he planning to try again?

    Anyway - keep up the good work, be proud of yourself xx

You may also like...