My very first rant

OK here's my first rant on this forum, therefore I do apologies before I start.

I am my wifes carer as she has severe mental health problems. To make things worse for her, she has just lost her dad and her mother has been diagnosed with cancer after being clear for 11 years and only has a 30% chance of survival. I obviously do the best I can for her and in our own way we muddle through and always get to the light at the end of the tunnel. However, her family has decided to involve themselves in recent events and even though they obviously believe that they are helping, they are only making it much worse for my poor wife, by throwing unexpected things her way and expecting her to be the one to sort it all out.

Fair enough, most of the time I handle the problems and manage to keep things going in the right direction. But today they kept phoning with silly questions, suggestions and comments that my wife has no control over or abillity to rectify. To the point that she became very very distraught.

Because of this, I became so wound up myself that the only way I stayed away from have a cigarette was to make myself angry. That way, I was able to say to myself that I would not let anybody ruin all the good work that I have done over the last 4 weeks.

The thing that really gets me (yes I know they probably don't mean to), is that other people have the power to wind me up so much with their petty ways, that I have to get angry with myself to manage something that I have been able to do for a month in a calm and controlled way.

If I for some reason fall off the rails, then that is my own stupid fault. But I will NOT allow other people to push me to the point that I throw all my hard, productive work away.

Anyway folks, that is it, rant well and truely over. Normal service will resume shortly lol.

4 Replies

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  • hey there giz...i can totally understand what you are going through. my husband also has a mental illness and it is really tough. i have been quit for 5 weeks today and there has definatly been some times that i felt so close to having a cig...that is when i go into my room and shut the door and think to myself how hard i have worked to get to this point and i will just ruin it by smoking and all the problems will still be there. i physically feel so much better since quitting and that is my body's way of telling me i have made the right choice :D my mother really upsets me alot and this is what seems to push me to the point where i want to pull my hair out!!:eek: anyway i understand how hard it is and you are certainly entitled to a rant!! congrats on 4 weeks quit...a great accomplishment!! one miniute at a time and it can be done...stay strong and in case noone has told you, you are doing a great job..keep it up!!:D

  • Thanks im a quitter, I know what you mean. It just seems a little unfair that other people can push you to the point of nearly failing. I do no what you mean by feeling fitter and better as I have used some of the money I saved to pay for a gym membership. I am already able to run 3 miles on the treadmill before starting on the weights each morning and hope to increase this to 10 miles by Christmas. Then next year, I want to see about doing a marathon (please don't ask why I like to punish myself, I haven't got a clue). So yes I am feeling a hell of a lot better, I just wish others didn't make it so hard at times. But thank you for the encouragement, it is very appreciated.

    Ian

  • wow...running 3 miles!!:eek: i power walk three miles but running 3 miles-oh my!! thats great!! exercising is great..i love it...it always makes me feel better!! without smoking i no longer feel like i gotta slow down so i can breathe..now i am able to walk faster and run a little in between!!:D quitting is tricky..just when you think you got it something happens and you feel yourself losing it but when you ride it out and get through it your always happier that you didnt give in and smoke..:)

  • Well done for staying away from the cigarettes gizmo. I often wonder whether some make it hard(er) for others because they don't want to face their own concerns/challenges etc and are simply looking for a way to divert their attention on to something, or someone else.

    I don't feel my other half is being particularly supportive of me stopping smoking. We both stopped over 6 years ago (he stayed stopped and I started again after 12 months) and although he's never lectured me about stopping, I've always known that he would be pleased if I did, so I am surprised that I feel I have to remind him of where I am in my quit journey to get him to 'praise' me. What this has made me realise is that my quit is about me wanting to do it and nothing to do with doing it to keep others happy. Not sure any of that is relevant to your situation but I guess what I'm saying is we have to remind ourselves why we wanted to quit during those times when others make things difficult.

    Marilyn :)

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