Need some Advice for a Friend

Hey Guys,

Hope I am not bringing the mood down here but I have just found out that a friend of ours (who recently just got the all clear after having breast cancer) has found another lump and is still smoking.

I find it amazing that she still wants to smoke after going through Chemo and whatever else and knowing how difficult it is, but who am I to judge?!

Can yous suggest any way of me trying to help her quit the smoking or suggest that this would be a sensible idea? From experience I KNOW that no amount of people bartering and prodding will stop you smoking. She just usually says "I would love to stop, but it keeps me sane"

Thanks for reading and I hope you days are going great

Jill xx

9 Replies

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  • Hi Jill

    so sorry to hear about your friend finding a lump :(

    it is a hard one to call but at the end of the day you have to be there for support its no good trying to drop hints to her about stopping smoking just tell her that your worried and would love to see her stop but will support her regardless you could also suggest she has a look on this forum and see what she thinks but she has to make that decision herself and want to give up for herself hopefully she will realise that fact on her own and will stop

    regards Carol

    (smokers always have a reason or 3 to carry on mine was well its the only habit i have that doesnt upset my stomach and i enjoy yes i said that word i enjoyed smoking)

  • Sorry for you and your friend...

    wow, what a difficult situation... to be fair she should cope with it however she likes but also she should be able to make an informed decision.

    If she doesn't know how much better she'll feel if she's not smoking then how can she be sure that cigs will 'keep her sane'?

    Like you said, telling her might actually make it worse. Why don't you find some studies linking good/bad reaction to chemo with smoking/not smoking? Talk through it logically without preaching... maybe don't even talk to her about it and just leave her some info.

  • I am not sure there is anything you can say to your friend. However, I think that seeing you quit and stay quit will show her it can be done. Also when she sees the postive benefits, perhaps it will inspire her and she may feel quitting is a possibility for her.

  • Hi Jill,

    I am sorry to hear about your friend. I think we all know that you can only quit if YOU want to & no amount of trying to persuade someone will work unless they want to. My sons are both trying to stop again & I keep saying, read this, do that, it helped me. Of course we are all different but there is always the chance that what worked for me might work for them. They still haven't read the info though!

    I had breast Cancer 15 years ago & at the time had quit smoking for just over a year, lost loads of weight, exercised every day & was the fittest I had ever been in my life. After I had all my treatment & all clear all I could think about everyday for a couple of months was smoking again. It was relentless. By that point I had been quit 2 years. I fought and fought it but eventually bought 10. I had a couple of puffs thought what the hell am I doing to myself especially after what had happened, put the fag out & threw the packet away. Eventually I did start smoking again properly after a couple of buying, puffing & throwing episodes.

    I could not understand why I was doing something so blatantly stupid given what had happened to me, I know it made no sense but here I am many years down the line, after many, many attempts to stop.

    Don't know if any of this helps but sometimes there is just no rational reason why we continue to smoke knowing the health threats possible or the fact is affecting our health.

    Gaynor

  • Hi Jill

    I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I really do not think there is anything you can do or say to make her quit. Maybe you being so strong with your quit will inspire her to have a go?

    A friend of mine had throat cancer she had to have her voice box removed. She obvioulsy talks now by putting her finger over a tube that is in her neck (she has to do it manually as she couldn't get on with the automatic thing). The shocking part is they even 'taught' her how to continue smoking through this tube, thankfully she didn't.

    I wish your friend all the best and maybe like Carol said point her in the direction of this forum.

    Tinks xx

  • Hey- sorry about your friend's cancer and new lump.

    this may not be the popular opinion but I am gonna say it because I guess its worth looking at this from every angle.

    She has made it clear that she loves smoking and has no intention of quitting, right? The bottom line is this is HER choice! I would have thought she would be acutely aware of the reality of the treatments for cancer having been through them once already. My feelings are however much you and all of us KNOW she would benefit from NOT smoking she has to come to that decision herself.... we all agree the gentle ( and sometimes not so gentle) prodding doesn't work, so she will take that step when she is ready. In situations like this it can be perceived as a reformed smoker preaching (not that I am saying its is what your doing, honest.), and that never goes down well.

    from an emotional point of view, she probably see's it as a comfort blanket, so letting it go at a time of high stress is gonna be more difficult that at any other time... I worked in mental health for YEARS, and although smoking goes against the NHS ethos, we made sure that the in-patients had a dedicated smoking area and didn't apply any pressure for them to give up... we did it because they were going through enough already without having a crutch removed aswell.

    Despite the obvious health benefits, sometimes, its just NOT the right time. I strongly beleive that if she wants to give up, she will.... if she doesn't, not amount of scary health stories will make her give up.

    I hope you don't think I am being too outspoken, and I hope I haven't offended.

  • hi

    sorry to hear about your friend

    i agree with no fags vic

    its up to your friend

    it is her choice,

    and to be honest, if i was smoking and someone who had only given up less then a month , tried talking me into stop smoking i would tell them to p*ss off :D

    but its just my opinion, im sorry, truly about your friends condition

  • gosh thats really tough for her trouble is when your feeling down and stressed which she understandably is thats the time the urge to smoke is greatest however much you know it is totally wrong all you can do is support her as best you can and not be too hard on her regarding her smoking just be a friend best wishes to you bothxx

  • Hey everyone!

    Sorry, I didn't get on here last night.

    Thanks everyone for the advice and thank you for the people who have been through it for sharing how you's felt, it must have been hard.

    What I think I am going is just be there for her. Hopefully this new one is nothing but if it is then I will just be there to guide her, if she asks my opinion I will be honest though, tell her I think that when she is feeling stronger she should think about giving up and of course I will point her in the direction of this forum, I couldn't have done it without you guys!

    Thanks again everyone.

    Jill xxxx

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