woke up this morning *music plays* and before i got out of bed i started getting quite short of breath. i'd forgotten to raise the blinds before sleeping and before i quit that was always bad news. now with my lungs starting to heal it wasn't as bad, but i was hit by a new fear that said 'what if i don't make it and quit this time, smoking will make you really sick'.
half an hour later i'm feeling better and i have my new non-smoker like lungs back again - nice deep breaths!
but i have to face it, i have the beginings of very dark and scary things happening to my lungs. if i went to see a doctor about it she/he would say similarly dark and scary things to me.
i'm not brave enough for that, not even close. there is no option this time, smoking is finished now, end of.