Here again...

[nsd_user663_4633]

For the third time this year I'm back...I've been feeling such a failure everytime I stop I seem to start again...i have cut down however I am just really really sick of smoking...I had what I really want to be my last cig twenty mins ago after reading a list of other uses for some of the toxic ingredients in a cigarette...have to say it made me feel quite physically sick....anyways here I am.

Sorry for rant!

I do have a quandry as a side issue to this that I wondered if anyone else could help/had experience with....my partner smoke heavily and has no intention of giving up, when I speak about it it seems to just irrate him however thats his decision I have no problem with that, the thing that has been bothering me more than anything is his continuation in smoking in the house (albeit only in the kitchen)...I feel angry that I am making efforts to stop and still smelling of/breathing in smoke...he gets treally annoyed/angry when I raise the subject, perhaps I'm going about it the wrong way?? He just doesn't seem to grasp that although he is in one room smoking it DOES filter through the rest of the house...i'm thinking of suggesting he sit in the kitchen at the back door as a pre starter to going outside...:confused: am I being unreasonable??? Any advice appreciated!!!!

Again a rant!!

Good luck to all others on their first day x

[nsd_user663_5920]

Hi Miss Brew

I don't think your being unreasonable to want him to smoke less in the house and or near the kitchen door on the way to being outside eventually. I also believe that as it's also his home, he has the right to smoke where he wants.

Sorry, I know I'm sitting on the fence, but I live with a smoker (and was a smoker) and I have no expectations of him and his smoking. What he chooses to do is up to him as it was up to me. He doesn't smoke that much to be honest, just in the evenings and it can be the lounge, the study or the kitchen, anywhere in fact (though I object to the kitchen as that's a food prep area) and definitely not upstairs. Regardless of where though, your right, it does effect all over the home.

It was my choice to stop and mine alone to deal with it in the best way that is available to me. If OH chooses to carry on smoking in the house, then so be it.... it made it hard to begin with but he did keep it from the lounge for a week or so (woop-ee-doo:rolleyes but I coped and maybe it made me more determined and more bloody minded to succeed. I'm now at nearly 4.5 months smoke free (not including his 2nd hand smoke) and he's still a smoker and we both respect each other in what we choose to do.

You can do this with or without his cooperating in a manner which would best suit you........ if he comes round then great, if not, remember it's your quit and you can do this -)

I do wish you all the best.

[nsd_user663_7469]

Hi Both thats a hard one and Im not sure how to advice you, in fact I cant as I am in the lucky position of having OH who has never smoked but in your position I would leave him ( Only Joking I Think) how about a compromise you offer him se* every night if he smokes out side (Ok thats no good either) Ok next solution if he want smoke out side you go and sit out side and take the telly with you and if you have a shed then move in there , was that helpfull, No what your trying to say is Pi** off OK xx bye

[nsd_user663_4026]

Hi. My husband smoked after I quit and at first I made him hide the smokes and smoke in the garden! After a couple of weeks I relaxed about it and realised I could be a non smoker and he a smoker in the same house. He would occasionally smoke in the kitchen but as we have children we never did house smoking anyway. Pol I think you're much more tolerant than I was! I've had to have several words with myself and post on the forum with my husbands recent slips! I do agree you should accept it but there could be some compromise if you're struggling with it. After all, isn't that what marriage is all about? X

[nsd_user663_4633]

A resolve was Met

hey thanks guys...i did stand my ground on it a bit am afraid...when i moved into this house I never smoked in it then when I met him 5 years ago i lapsed on it and when he moved in i continued with it so my own fault really...however did express my feelings on it and after he threw a wobbly :rolleyes: calm was back and compromise is at the back door, I'm fine with that, smoke still comes back in to the house but not as much as b4 and the stinking ashtray permantly stays outside!

Did like the take the tele outside idea lol...maybe it may have come to that!!

[nsd_user663_4625]

Hi MissBrew,

Glad your OH is being kinder & smoking at least by the door now LOL. It is hard to quit when you are around someone who is still smoking but not impossible I hope he realises what a fantastic acheivement you quitting is.

My OH smokes outside, as we both did unless the weather was really cold! He even keeps his ciggies out of sight now so there is not even a visual reminder which is great. Also makes sure I can't pinch one which I wouldn't do now but have on many of my failed quit attempts

Keep strong.

Gaynor x

[nsd_user663_8351]

Hi Miss Brew

Good for you for sticking to your guns - smoking out of the back door seems like a good compromise, glad that's worked out for you.

It is difficult when your OH still smokes, mainly because you can smell it on them and temptation is never far away (easier and quicker to pinch a cig than go to the shop and buy some!) But, as Gaynor proves, it's not impossible.

Just a thought tho - interesting that he gets irritated when you bring up the subject of quitting... hm... think I recognise that response - don't give up on the idea of him quitting once you've proved how great it is to succeed with a quit, he could be closer to quitting than you think!

I'd agree with the others tho - it's your quit and this is all about you. Good luck, put words like 'failure' out of your head and focus on all the positives that await you!

Lottie x

[nsd_user663_7318]

Evenin' Miss Brew,

A difficult situation that, I'm afraid I can't offer any advice. My wife stopped smoking about 4 years before me; I stuck to the shed/garden.

Keep going at your quits, hopefully this'll be the last one, if not then there maybe another. How many times you try doesn't matter as long as you're doing what you feel is right for you.