Not sure whether I should even still be here, in this month, in this forum...
So I moved to my new flat last Tuesday, very stressful especially with the ex, big massive argument on Wednesday and stupidly, I drank a whole bottle of white wine, and because I seldom drink, I was in a right state, got to the corner shop and bought a pack of 10, the fight was carrying on all this time and I lit up and smoked half a cigarette, coughed my lungs out and feeling as miserable, weak and disgusted with myself, I threw the rest in the bin :eek:
I can't believe I failed so miserably, hate him, hate myself, because after all it was my stupid choice, nobody stuck a fag between my lips!
So, that was a week ago and haven't felt addicted nor had I any cravings, I suppose it makes me more determined than ever but I needed to tell the world.. well, this forum, that I had this moment of weakness and feel so ashamed about it
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Not sure whether I should even still be here, in this month, in this forum...
So I moved to my new flat last Tuesday, very stressful especially with the ex, big massive argument on Wednesday and stupidly, I drank a whole bottle of white wine, and because I seldom drink, I was in a right state, got to the corner shop and bought a pack of 10, the fight was carrying on all this time and I lit up and smoked half a cigarette, coughed my lungs out and feeling as miserable, weak and disgusted with myself, I threw the rest in the bin :eek:
I can't believe I failed so miserably, hate him, hate myself, because after all it was my stupid choice, nobody stuck a fag between my lips!
So, that was a week ago and haven't felt addicted nor had I any cravings, I suppose it makes me more determined than ever but I needed to tell the world.. well, this forum, that I had this moment of weakness and feel so ashamed about it
Hi Frenchy
Glad your back and stronger than ever sometimes s*hit and we do things we wouldn't normally but you had a slip but the most important thing is you realised quickly how digusting they are and you jumped straight back on the non smoking train well done you upwards and onwards now Frenchy
I think you must have been dreaming I certainly didnt see you smoke that half a cig. Thats not to say you didnt go to the shop and buy those 10 but you didnt smoke that half and i think if you checked the bin you would find that pack unopened.
So, in your dream you smoked half a fag that doesnt disqualify you from this room or from being an Octo. So lets just forget that dream and carry on as before eh hun.
Ah this seems familiar, i did a similar thing not so long ago. I had 3 tokes and gagged! Dont torture yourself over it, just take it for what it was... a little slip up! It doesnt have to have any effect on how far you have come. At the end of the day you reacted the way i did... "urgh"... treat it as a reminder to why you have quit.
Carry on, dont worry about it, these things happen. Noone's perfect... (though i am rather close haha)
I smoked half a cigarette - well about 3 puffs, when I was 4 months into my quit. I was extremely drunk and my OH had left one burning in the ashtray in front of me!
I coughed and spluttered and HATED the taste of chemicals and smoke. It really did put me off ever smoking again.
I didn't go back to day one in my mind, it was a little blip that taught me a lesson.
You should do the same - learn your lesson and keep going! Well done for admitting it, now carry on with your smoke free life and don't look back!
You had a blip, a nasty tasting throat burning moment of weakness and madness and it's happened to millions of others before and will happen to millions of folk to come.
Stay with us as an Octoquitter........... It already sounds like this has helped make you stronger and more determined. That is your choice now A mistake is not a mistake if we learn from it - stay stronger and stay quit.
It was a hell of a lot you had to deal with and your only human.
You must be off to France soon? Enjoy your break away and don't beat yourself up for what happened, it's already history hun.
I'll put my hand up rather red facedly as a Blipper....
I'm still with the De Novo's, after i was persuaded that we all make cock ups sometimes and i wasn't the huge failure i saw myself as..... and neither are you!!!
Be Strong, Be Proud... You've been a non smoker since October... Compared to all the smokes you haven't had, a little misdemeanour is nothing to worry about really.
Not sure whether I should even still be here, in this month, in this forum...
So I moved to my new flat last Tuesday, very stressful especially with the ex, big massive argument on Wednesday and stupidly, I drank a whole bottle of white wine, and because I seldom drink, I was in a right state, got to the corner shop and bought a pack of 10, the fight was carrying on all this time and I lit up and smoked half a cigarette, coughed my lungs out and feeling as miserable, weak and disgusted with myself, I threw the rest in the bin :eek:
I can't believe I failed so miserably, hate him, hate myself, because after all it was my stupid choice, nobody stuck a fag between my lips!
So, that was a week ago and haven't felt addicted nor had I any cravings, I suppose it makes me more determined than ever but I needed to tell the world.. well, this forum, that I had this moment of weakness and feel so ashamed about it
Hi Corrine
A blip last week and nothing since as long as you learnt from it I agree with everyone else let it go and carry on I won't say forget it as I know you won't but please be careful in future especially when drinking as you may not be so lucky if it happens again irt is very easy to slide back into smoking
It sounds to me like you've really learnt that lesson very well though so don't beat yourself up over it anymore
I've been in an absolutely hell of a mood the last week or so, as if my brain is fighting all the time. I've that awful feeling of a massive scream being stuck in my chest (that's the only way I can describe it!) Everything that can go wrong this week has, the last straw would be my son not getting back tomorrow from Germany for xmas. I'm permanently thinking that only a ciggie will make things right :confused: But, the one thing that is stopping me is I know how disappointed and disgusted I would feel with myself as well as knowing it won't make things better!
Your post has proved my point so thanks for posting that....forget that half a fag, big hug for you, my octoquitter mate!!!
thank you so much guys... telling you on this forum was the hardest thing but I couldn't lie and your support means a lot
JJ, I know what you're feeling as it's going to be a struggle for my boys and I to get to my family in France for Xmas (we're on the Eurostar!!! enough said ) but you're absolutely right, a fag will not help you and all it will leave is a bad taste, a sense of self loathing and fear of disappointing others.
I'm not a drinker and never have been, this was stupid and irresponsible but as a few of you have said, there is no point in beating myself up about it, I can't erase it BUT I do know now how much I want this to be a success.
and I guess if my story helps you all, then at least there is an upside.
Not sure whether I should even still be here, in this month, in this forum...
So I moved to my new flat last Tuesday, very stressful especially with the ex, big massive argument on Wednesday and stupidly, I drank a whole bottle of white wine, and because I seldom drink, I was in a right state, got to the corner shop and bought a pack of 10, the fight was carrying on all this time and I lit up and smoked half a cigarette, coughed my lungs out and feeling as miserable, weak and disgusted with myself, I threw the rest in the bin :eek:
I can't believe I failed so miserably, hate him, hate myself, because after all it was my stupid choice, nobody stuck a fag between my lips!
So, that was a week ago and haven't felt addicted nor had I any cravings, I suppose it makes me more determined than ever but I needed to tell the world.. well, this forum, that I had this moment of weakness and feel so ashamed about it
I hate him too and I have no idea who him is!! Have not read the replies yet but you smoked half a fag, well big deal that does not make you a smoker young lady and I'm damned if you are leaving me now you ungrateful wench!! (you have had the best years of my life!!!!)
Sweetheart I am still behind you, we are quit buddies and if you leave me I may as well start smoking too ( do you want that on your conscious??)
Well guess what...his easyjet flight has been cancelled! He's now waiting for a BA flight to get him into London City airport, so we have to travel on the
M23 to pick him up which seems to have black ice on the majority of it!
Now tell me...which bin did you put those fags in? only joking
Aww JJ, it sounding a nail biting time but he will be home for Christmas.... great British transport huh? No wonder I spent so many years being a cyclist only.
Hope it all comes good for you all *keep out the bins lady*
Franchay, hope your travel plans work out to and you and your lovely boys get to France well and happy.
Oh I hope you manage to get to France frenchy....I'm worried because my son gets so worried if things don't go according to plan (he's got Aspergers). I know he'll be sitting in the airport feeling sick and thinking he'll be spending Christmas there.
I'm keep my fingers crossed for you that things work out fine.
JJ, I hope he gets home ok. It's madness that this weather causes so much havoc, I mean it's not unusual weather at all! Try not to worry too much
Christine, Lorna, Pol, I love you guys!
I'm ok today, all I want is to get to France on time, one of my brothers lives in Guyana and has come all the way from there with wife and 2 kids, my other brother who has just retired from the army will also be there with wife and daughter, that's the 14 of us all together for the first time in the last 13 years!
so, I'll bloody get there if it kills me!! lol
I know I keep saying thank you, but really thank you! you guys on this forum are the only ones who understand and this kind of support is invaluable
Christine, no way I'm leaving you on your own! we'll bloody move to that penthouse together
I'm ok today, all I want is to get to France on time, one of my brothers lives in Guyana and has come all the way from there with wife and 2 kids, my other brother who has just retired from the army will also be there with wife and daughter, that's the 14 of us all together for the first time in the last 13 years!
so, I'll bloody get there if it kills me!! lol
That sounds a lovely family get together - all the best with travel plans and being home for Christmas
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treat it as a reminder to why you have quit.
Im back to day 1,fool that I am!
