Newbie - Why do smoking friends have a problem?

Hi I am Sarah and this is day two of not smoking. Feel ok, using champix and listened to a hypnotherapy CD which has helped. My problem is, is that we have a couple of friends who we go out with on a regular basis and last night we went to a quiz, we are due to go out with them to their house on Friday and one asked, "oh but you will be smoking on Friday won't you?".

What I don't get is why smokers are so upset about others "leaving the fold", even my husband who was supposed to quit was more or less backing them? (Feel like ditching the three of them!!!).

I pointed out that if I had never smoked surely there would not be this problem to which one replied, we would never have been friends with you if you didn't smoke? - I am assuming that it was a joke.

Anyway I am sure most of you have experienced this sort of thing so any advice would be welcome - apart from divorce!!!

Regards

Sarah

P.S. What was great is that they had to go out for a fag in the cold and wet last night and they stank to high heaven when they came back in - yuck two days ago so did I.

14 Replies

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  • Hi Sarah :)

    Well done on your 2nd day smoke free keep it going you're doing fine

    My first thought reading your post with friends like these well you know the rest I'm sure

    I know what you mean though and I think a lot of it is jealousy they would love to quit but either can't or won't and of course in there eyes you're probably letting the side down,as the ranks of smokers become fewer maybe they feel threatened in some way pity them for the addicts they are

    I hope you put them straight about Friday and you not smoking and you can pity them for having to go out in the cold and wet to feed there habit for that's exactly what it is while you stay warm and snug and smell free inside YAY

    Below is my standard welcome and advice post which I try and give all new members

    Welcome to the forum and well done on the decision to quit possibly one of the most important you will ever make and you will be losing nothing but you will regain control of your life and that has to be good

    You will find all the help and support you need on here as we all help each other just like a family we are here for you every step of the way cheering the good days and sympathising with the bad but the good far outweigh the bad

    Read the posts on here you will find a lot of tips and advice and in the signatures of a lot you will find links to other sites just click on them Here

    are 2 I found very good to start you off whyquit.com and woofmang.com

    Read,read and then read some more as the more you read and learn about why you smoked and about your addiction the easier your quit will be

    This link is good for the psychological part of quitting whyquit.com/whyquit/A_Sympt...

    Post often to let us know how you're doing, to rant, rave have a moan whatever you like pretty much anything goes on here OK

    Love

    Marg

  • Hello Sarah

    These are not friends they are smoking buddies, who need someone to smoke with! When I smoked and friends gave up I never ever tried to encourage them to smoke as they never tried to encourage me to give up! I just do not understand their mentality.

    I have 1 friend who smokes so we are/were smoking buddies and she is fantastic with me, now that is a true friend.

    Anyway ignore them, you are dong really well.

  • To be honest I think they are jealous. I agree with the others they are not being friends, you are great choosing not to smoke no matter what they say.

    Jackie

  • Hi I am Sarah and this is day two of not smoking. Feel ok, using champix and listened to a hypnotherapy CD which has helped. My problem is, is that we have a couple of friends who we go out with on a regular basis and last night we went to a quiz, we are due to go out with them to their house on Friday and one asked, "oh but you will be smoking on Friday won't you?".

    What I don't get is why smokers are so upset about others "leaving the fold", even my husband who was supposed to quit was more or less backing them? (Feel like ditching the three of them!!!).

    I pointed out that if I had never smoked surely there would not be this problem to which one replied, we would never have been friends with you if you didn't smoke? - I am assuming that it was a joke.

    Anyway I am sure most of you have experienced this sort of thing so any advice would be welcome - apart from divorce!!!

    Regards

    Sarah

    P.S. What was great is that they had to go out for a fag in the cold and wet last night and they stank to high heaven when they came back in - yuck two days ago so did I.

    hi

    yes friends always doubt you, even are sometimes very rude towards you because you have made a decision they cant so well done to you keep it up do not let them bully you into smoking again but by the sound of it you are a strong person and will ignore the bullying anyway...... so good luck to you you never know once they have seen you quit in a few months it might encourage them to do the same. good luck Sarah :)

  • Day 2 also

    Congrats on your day 2, I'm on it also. Keep your head up and dont listen to your friends, they are just jealous!!!!

    Mic

  • Sarah

    Im a little further down the line than you right now (only 27 days but you will be there soon) and i related this story to the others here. A "friend" was basically taunting me that i couldnt give up, eventually he even put a fag under my nose and said go on just one it wont hurt. Well i took the fag and put it in my mouth. took it out and gave it back to him saying "no have it back i wouldnt want to deprive you of your cough in the morning" My other friends have actually shunned him for being an A*** and 1 has actually given up purely because of that incident !!!

    so, what im getting round to is that the other comments here are right and smokers dont want to be seen to weak, and are jealous when someone actually succeeds in giving up because they know they cant.

    Hang in there

    Jack

  • Thanks

    Thank you to all of your replies and I will be strong tomorrow night. It annoys me that I spent yesterday seething about the comments. Anyway day 3 today and feeling great and hopefully I will feel really confident tomorrow.

    Thanks and have taken your comments on board. You are right they are jealous and too week to commit to their own healths.

    Sarah

  • As the number of smokers gets smaller the circle is getting tighter and tighter. Smokers are being relegated to second class citizen status and they are hanging on to the few members they have left. Quitting takes backbone. Smoking is bone headed. You are the tough one here.

  • Hey..

    I had the same problem, not sure if its jealousy like Marg said...but theres something about what we're doing that makes them feel like they're beneath us. We're doing what they want to do, but can't.

    I've pretty much sacked off most of my mates, I wouldn't advise doing that but stay strong and have willpower and you'll be fine. also talk to your hubby about how you're feeling

  • Jelousy

    They are jelous simple as. When I tell people I have quit smoking my non smoking friends are all very supportive.

    On the other hand my smoker friends (who all tried to quit and failed) are very bitter and deep down want me to fail. keep at it and don't feel bullied into smoking.

  • Hi Dannyboy :)

    Well done deciding to stop smoking and glad you have the support of your non smoking friends

    Below is my standard welcome and advice post which I try and give all new members

    Welcome to the forum and well done on the decision to quit possibly one of the most important you will ever make and you will be losing nothing but you will regain control of your life and that has to be good

    You will find all the help and support you need on here as we all help each other just like a family we are here for you every step of the way cheering the good days and sympathising with the bad but the good far outweigh the bad

    Read the posts on here you will find a lot of tips and advice and in the signatures of a lot you will find links to other sites just click on them Here

    are 2 I found very good to start you off whyquit.com and woofmang.com

    Read,read and then read some more as the more you read and learn about why you smoked and about your addiction the easier your quit will be

    This link is good for the psychological part of quitting whyquit.com/whyquit/A_Sympt...

    Post often to let us know how you're doing, to rant, rave have a moan whatever you like pretty much anything goes on here OK

    Love

    Marg

  • I was following a link provided by jackieinv and eventually came across this

    talesfromthequit.com/the-he... It answers your question very well.

  • I agree we have saw the light, they havent and they are afraid of change and jealous that you are leaving the pact.

    I always said when i smoked that there was noone more death against smoking than an ex smoker and i still believe that to be true, when i smoked i remember friends who had quit preaching to me about smoking moreso than any non never smoking friend i had.

    They are maybe afraid that you will do that to them.

    Just be pleased that fortunately their insensitivity and jealousy hasnt cracked you, you are strong all the very best of luck to you

    Elaine xx

  • I think they probably miss having you as company for smoking, but hey that is just tough luck isn't it? They should be supporting and encouraging you rather than trying to get you to smoke again.

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