Still giving up a year since I first tried -gotta beat the junkie thinking

Hi all

I first gave up on 1 July 08, which (stupid me) if i'd just kept itup, and never had another, would be a whole years freedom from the fags!!

It has been successful in some ways, cos I haven't ever gone back to the forty a day i previously smoked,thank god, and I now realise all the tricks the addict in me will play to get me to smoke again. Mostly that is "I can have just one"or "I'll just have the night off from smoking with a few drinks" or "I can become a social smoker."

Drinking alcohol for me is the biggest hurdle- I used to smoke whole packets while drinking- and still can't get drunk cos I know I'll lapse.) But of course that never ever works, you have one, buy a packet , continue to smoke them when you get home thinking you'll give up again tomorrow, have some left in the morning, smoke them (cos what a waste of money it would be not to!) , then maybe even buy another pack cos after all this day is wasted because you've already smoked, and theres no point in giving up today..... I'm sure you all know how it goes. I used to think that smoking was pretty harmless and not a real addiction, but if you just replace the word nicotine with heroin or crack, you realise how desperate it all is-i.e I NEED some crack, Can you lend me a fiver? I need to buy heroin, I can't wait to be off this bus cos I need a fix, etc. etc etc,

I've come to realise this is the mental side of the addiction at work, just because you stop and get through the worst of the withdrawal that nicomonster doesn't go away, even though you're physically not craving much anymore.

So, this (for maybe the 40th time -If you count all those lapses) is my quit day and the reasons haven't changed.

Money,

I used to spend £80 plus a week (40 a day, hardcore smoker me!) on something I rarely if ever enjoyed. Even when I've lapsed, I didn't really enjoy it, the only exception is with alcohol, the two things are very linked for me! I can't afford to do anything else but smoke, I have no savings and i still live with my parents at 33!

I don't want to be addicted,

Smoking is just another drug addiction, and addicts are selfish people, we just really care first and foremost about where our next fix is coming from, I think I really got to that point, I've sold things to buy cigarettes, borrowed money (practically every week) and I think if desperate enough I'd steal money, I've put cigarettes over food- I'd only eat one meal a day to have money for cigarettes, during periods of utter skintness.

Health

I'm 33 and have chronic bronchitis type symptoms all the time. I used to wheeze every morning like an 80 year old and I couldn't run fo a bus.At 25, a doctor told me I should stop smoking because I'd already caused myself serious damage, Of course I didn't listen, I didn't even think about giving up!

Depression

I've had episodes ofdepression and anxiety since i was a teenager, and I started to wonder how I'd feel without smoking. What difference would it make to my brain to not inhale those 4000 chemicals every day? How do I know what that is doing to me?

Also, Cos I've had a year of giving up for a bit and then smoking again for a bit, I know that theres all these wonderful things that happen, that you don't really realise are going to,

like your hands and feet stop feeling cold all the time, you start to be able to run,food tastes awesome, your nose completely unblocks, and you can smellthings you never even knew existed! You start to realise what an addict you were, you have sympathy for homeless heroin addicts cos you knowyou're drug addicted like them- It starts to scare you, what would you do for your drug?

You start to feel what its like to be truly free of nicotines shackles.

These two links are great for anyone struggling with junkie thinking, they tell you what to say to the thought when you have it

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4543133163470326

11 Replies

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  • O dear, cant remember how to post a link!:rolleyes:

    Google "junkie thinking"

    Diary of a quitter is good, and also Nicodemons lies

  • Hi Jude

    Just choose a day do as much reading as you can there are lots of links in members posts. Just take it a day at a time. I have quit and failed more times than I can remember But I just keep trying. I smoked 40 fags a day for 35 years And will be fag free this time 8 months tomorrow. what I think is I dont know if this is the one but Im not smoking today.

  • Hi Jude :D

    That is a wonderful post you have there well done just hang in there

    Is this the post/thread you're thinking off/looking for

    nosmokingday.org.uk/forum/s...

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxx

  • Hi Jude

    Hey Jude , well done on that wonderful post and like both linda and marg and even myself (an unlikely candidate to be nicotine free) you will sure do this as u sound positive and well sure......good luck and keepposting.. hi linda and hi arg, hope u had a lovely holiday, i saw the pics and it looked gorgeous, ur 7 months now aren you, how you feeling and how are u linda, are you'r both ok? ps i will google ur suggestion jude xxxx

  • Hi Dee Dee :D

    Thanks I had a lovely holiday and I'm just over 8 months now and feel fantastic and you're on 20 weeks now well done

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • :)

    Thanks linda, marg( congrats on 8 months- wow) and dee.

    Yeah marg that was the link, i'm going to print it and carry it around., as someone said there's no such thing as one cigarette, they travel in packs....

    Linda, yep if we keep trying then one day we will get there i hope, also at least we are not going back to previous smoking like before and keep giving up, I've now given up so many times i'm not scared of it at all. it's really easy to give up, just hard to stay that way!

    Dee, why so unlikely? I am the most unlikely candidate ever to become even slightly nicotine free. I never used to want to give up smoking- I thought i loved smoking, but then i realised that i really didn't.

    hopefully that will be enough lol.

  • Welcome, and good luck.

    There is alot to be said for being very positive about quitting.

    Never heard of this trial your on though, hope it goes well. Ohhhhhh what a blast if it was the placebo tho, and you'd done this 100% from the power of belief. Now THAT would be an awesome thought, especially if you got told after 2 years :)

  • Hi Taggs :D

    Well done you on 9 days quit

    I've never heard of chantix I used champix to help me

    Below is my standard welcome and advice post which i try and send all new members

    Welcome to the forum and well done on the decision to quit possibly one of the most important you will ever make and you will be losing nothing but you will regain control of your life and that has to be good

    You will find all the help and support you need on here as we all help each other just like a family we are here for you every step of the way cheering the good days and sympathiseing with the bad but the good far outweigh the bad

    Read the posts on here you will find a lot of tips and advice and in the signatures of a lot you will find links to other sites just click on them Here are 2 I find very good to start you off whyquit.com and woofmang.com Read, read and then read some more as the more you read and learn about why you smoked and about your addiction the easier your quit will be

    Post often to let us know how you're doing, to rant, rave have a moan whatever you like pretty much anything goes on here OK

    Love

    Marg

  • hey guys - chantix is just the american version of Champix - they are both the drug varenicline.

    what a great invention they are too! :D

    i just someone would invent something to switch off my junkie mindset.

    having one of those obsession days today where theres no real craving but more of a nagging thing.

    annoying.

    i sat in hyde park though earlier and watched the sun go down over the lake and felt soo relaxed. i'd have never been that relaxed when smoking, it just doesnt let you. i never want to go back to it. i do however want to get to a point where ive not got this nagging in my head. I know its just junkie stuff. i know that im not that person anymore but man wish it would hurry up and go away!!

  • it does in time, and once you get there, its just a matter of never ever being so silly as to 'just have one'.

    Just junkie mentality is sadly something that even the most long term quit smoking person still has to deal with now and again. The good thing is the cravings are much shallower and are easier dealt with. My dads been quit well over 20 years and he has to sit in the living room with my mum who's chain smoked longer than i can remember, he says he gets a rare craving now n again, but nothing thats ever made him actually want one.

    I've definitely (even at only 6 weeks in) noticed cravings are not as strong.. i think about smoking rarely now. I do however watch smokers when i'm in cars and think to myself that i am so damn glad to be free of that.. and not finding every excuse under the son to slip away and have one myself.

    It does and will get better for you though, and these are not words of encouragement, its just fact of how it will go.

    J

  • Hi taggs- yea i smoked rollies for a while when i was unemployed, only i was absolutely rubbish at the rolling part, making something that resembled a bob marley special every time.

    I also hated the yellow fingers, I put filters in but i was probably doing something wrong, and i resorted to putting plasters over my fingers, which looked really strange.

    I agree totally bout the relaxation thing too- At first i thought i could never relax WITHOUT a cigarette, but it's a relief not to be having to stave off drug withdrawal symptoms every half hour.

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