Joined today and working my way round the forum and thought i'd post my background and reasons.
I really hated my mum smoking. I never remember sitting very close to read a school book when i was young because the passive smoking was just suffocating. I remember gagging once when she had a couple of friends round, they were all smoking and it looked like a fog when i walked into the kitchen. She would tell me to stop being so silly when i would cough and splutter.
When i was 12/13 i was offered a cigarette at the rec. She was miss popular and was really cool. I desperately wanted to fit in as i was new to the area and needed these friends....so i accepted the ciggy. It tasted foul. I really coughed and was laughed at for 'bumming' the fag.
Within the yr i was scrounging fags on the school bus. 'Save us twos or tab' we used to say.
I started 'really' smoking when i was 17. 10 a day soon to be on 20. Had a spell on the pot as well. Seemed everyone was doing it in the village at the time.
I didn't question myself about why i was smoking and if i wanted to stop untill i found out i was pregnant.
I was 26 and had been trying for a baby for 3 yrs and hadn't prepared myself for the fact that i should stop the moment i found out or even before.
I tried to stop but i found it unbearable. Didn't seek help via GP and was too embarassed to tell my midwife.
My mum suggested i ration myself if i didnt feel comfortable smoking my normal amount.
I got down to 5 a day but i felt so guilty and trapped by the addiction.
When my son was born the placenta said it all.
George was born a little overdue, well and of normal weight but the placenta was grey 'gritty' and showed signs of packing up.
It wasn't long before i was outside having a ciggy.......
After George was born i then felt the guilt and embarassment at smoking while having a child. Not sure where this feeling came from because i grew up round smoke as did many of my peers and it was still fairly acceptable to be a smoker.
I would never smoke in public with George and i didn't want George near me when i was smoking.
I would say that George is my main reason for stopping.
I tried a patch programme but i think i was in the early stages of not wanting to do it without the hatred of the actual addiction so it failed at 3/4 weeks.
And the guilt remained.
My mum and her husband decided they were gonna stop because of financial reasons. between them they spent Â£80 a week. They went through the NHS and did the patch programme. My mum smoked 30/40 a day for 30+ yrs and i never thought she would do it. But she did.
I went to the smoking clinic the new yr after mum stopped and went on a programme. I Was feeling really up for it this time, mum's success was so encouraging. I Did 10 wks of the course on patches. Was really psychologically free of the addiction and last 5 months. All it took was a stressful moment and the offer of a ciggy and BANG was gradually back on it.
And the guilt returned.
That was 3 yrs ago.
The money every smoker spends on cigerettes is shocking.
The health implications are endless.
I started to REALLY think 'there are NO benefits to smoking' and a million and one reasons to stop. I'm sick of feeling trapped in this seesaw addiction.
I'm on Champix now and i feel so much more positive than the time before.
I WILL do it this time.
I deserve it
My son deserves it.
Well done to all who have succeeded in beating their nicotine addiction.
I am so glad i have found this forum.