My (many) reasons

Hi All,

Joined today and working my way round the forum and thought i'd post my background and reasons.

I really hated my mum smoking. I never remember sitting very close to read a school book when i was young because the passive smoking was just suffocating. I remember gagging once when she had a couple of friends round, they were all smoking and it looked like a fog when i walked into the kitchen. She would tell me to stop being so silly when i would cough and splutter.

When i was 12/13 i was offered a cigarette at the rec. She was miss popular and was really cool. I desperately wanted to fit in as i was new to the area and needed these friends....so i accepted the ciggy. It tasted foul. I really coughed and was laughed at for 'bumming' the fag.

Within the yr i was scrounging fags on the school bus. 'Save us twos or tab' we used to say.

I started 'really' smoking when i was 17. 10 a day soon to be on 20. Had a spell on the pot as well. Seemed everyone was doing it in the village at the time.

I didn't question myself about why i was smoking and if i wanted to stop untill i found out i was pregnant.

I was 26 and had been trying for a baby for 3 yrs and hadn't prepared myself for the fact that i should stop the moment i found out or even before.

I tried to stop but i found it unbearable. Didn't seek help via GP and was too embarassed to tell my midwife.

My mum suggested i ration myself if i didnt feel comfortable smoking my normal amount.

I got down to 5 a day but i felt so guilty and trapped by the addiction.

When my son was born the placenta said it all.

George was born a little overdue, well and of normal weight but the placenta was grey 'gritty' and showed signs of packing up.

It wasn't long before i was outside having a ciggy.......

After George was born i then felt the guilt and embarassment at smoking while having a child. Not sure where this feeling came from because i grew up round smoke as did many of my peers and it was still fairly acceptable to be a smoker.

I would never smoke in public with George and i didn't want George near me when i was smoking.

I would say that George is my main reason for stopping.

I tried a patch programme but i think i was in the early stages of not wanting to do it without the hatred of the actual addiction so it failed at 3/4 weeks.

And the guilt remained.

My mum and her husband decided they were gonna stop because of financial reasons. between them they spent £80 a week. They went through the NHS and did the patch programme. My mum smoked 30/40 a day for 30+ yrs and i never thought she would do it. But she did.

I went to the smoking clinic the new yr after mum stopped and went on a programme. I Was feeling really up for it this time, mum's success was so encouraging. I Did 10 wks of the course on patches. Was really psychologically free of the addiction and last 5 months. All it took was a stressful moment and the offer of a ciggy and BANG was gradually back on it.

And the guilt returned.

That was 3 yrs ago.

The money every smoker spends on cigerettes is shocking.

The health implications are endless.

I started to REALLY think 'there are NO benefits to smoking' and a million and one reasons to stop. I'm sick of feeling trapped in this seesaw addiction.

I'm on Champix now and i feel so much more positive than the time before.

I WILL do it this time.

I deserve it

My son deserves it.

Well done to all who have succeeded in beating their nicotine addiction.

I am so glad i have found this forum.

10 Replies

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  • Wow Rebecca - that is quite a story.

    I'm sure this time you will be successful in your quit. You have learnt from your mistakes.

    And you are so right - your son deserves to have a non-smoking mother because he needs you to be there for him for as long as possible.

    One of my reasons for quitting is because my sister has just had a beautiful baby boy - Jack, and I want to be around for as long as possible to see him grow up and to be there for him.

    You have to be strong - thanks for sharing your story.

  • Hi Rebecca

    it sounds as if you really want to quit which is a great place to start.

    Champix was a great help for some of the forums recent 1 year quitters so that should also give you confidence.

    Another thing which you will see as you read around the forum is that knowledge and understanding of nicotine addiction as well as quitting is a major benefit in stopping for good.

    Have a read on whyquit, which is a great resource on quitting (it is a very pro Cold Turkey site but it is also an excellent resource for understanding the nicotine addiction.)

    Have a read on there and download John and Joels ebooks.

    After that, woofmang has some great, inspirational stories.

    Links to both sites are in my signature.

  • Thanks for your post TDKJohn.

    I did see your link when reading another thread so i had a look and i just didn't know where to start!!!!

    Will look when i have a spare few hrs lol.

    I don't doubt that uncovering the knowledge and understanding of nicotine will really aid my recovery of stopping.

    Thank you for your reply!!!

    Jerry-lee- Having your nephew Jack is a great incentive to have. I remember so clearly how my mum smelt when i was little. Thank goodness Jack and George do not smell that on us again............:cool:

  • Hi Rebecca,

    Your son is a great reason to stop, my kids are now 16 & 18 and I never thought they would ever smoke. Unfortunately my daughter has smoked on and off for a couple of years, I hope she isn't at the mo but it's hard to tell, kids still use all the tricks we used to cover up. I don't think my son will ever smoke but who knows??

    As you quite rightly say money is another great incentive, the money I spent while the kids were growing up would've given us a good holiday every year, so stick with it and you will be giving your son the fresh clean Mum he deserveshttp://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/aktion/action-smiley-066.gif

  • You've probably yet to discover what Jack DOES smell though ...

    Sorry J-L - couldn't let that go without a comment!

    B*gger! I can't believe you got here before I did - as soon as I read what Rebecca had written I KNEW you'd comment! :eek:

  • You've probably yet to discover what Jack DOES smell though ...

    Sorry J-L - couldn't let that go without a comment!

    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

    I'm sure he will leave that bit to his sister.......

  • nice read rebecca-b,,like your mom i smoked 30 plus a day,and just stoped,best thing i ever done,,so rebecca there is light at the end of the tunnel after all,,ever day you are stoped the light at the end of the tunnel will get brither,,just you have lots of faith tony,,:D:D:D keep

  • Thanks for your words of encouragement tonyx!!

    Had a good day today.

    I brought a moneybox today. You have to break it to get the money.

    looks like it holds a few hundred pound coins.

    I have decided to post £3 a day.

    So far i have £15.

    In a month i will have £84.

    Once i've filled it i will smash it open and treat myself to teeth whitening...:D

  • Thanks for your words of encouragement tonyx!!

    Had a good day today.

    I brought a moneybox today. You have to break it to get the money.

    looks like it holds a few hundred pound coins.

    I have decided to post £3 a day.

    So far i have £15.

    In a month i will have £84.

    Once i've filled it i will smash it open and treat myself to teeth whitening...:D

    I had one of those money boxes!!! it was a really cute bear and didnt have the heart to smash it open, so its still full of coins 15 years later!!!!! was saving for a holiday:p

  • What is it STILL full of money??????????

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