Not been on here since the start of the year, when I managed to stop for 3 months, then went to Australia on holiday and started again.
This was followed by two further lame ass attempts in July and August.
This has been the most deperate year yet for me, it really has. I have been close to tears at times thinking that I just cannot stop. The crazy thing is, is that I have literally stopped about 25 times now in total, so I know I can do it, its just sometimes my mindset is so f**ked up I feel utterly unable to even start. The panic attacks in bed are still haunting me. I am convinced I have angina but am so freaked out by the prospect of going to the Doctors about it. In any case I know its purely down to smoking, as within a few days of evry quit I have made these attacks have completely disappeared.
Although I didn't actually post on the board all that much earlier in the year, I took great strength from everyones comments on here. This board is such a massive help, to know there are so many folk going through exactly the same sh*t is utterly invaluable imo, i just hope this time it can finally pull me through once and for all.
So, there it is, I smoked my final cigarette about half an hr ago, got 40 mins left of this night shift, then thats it, I have four days off work to start climbing that hill for what I hope, is the last time.
Cheers everyone, I look forward to catching up with you all in the coming days and weeks!!