Real Story of Man in Shopping Queue..........

[nsd_user663_2783]

Thought you might enjoy this one.........

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food?

[nsd_user663_3246]

:):):)

kb

[nsd_user663_3307]

that was funny as f--k

[nsd_user663_2743]

brill

[austinlegro 11 Years Smoke Free]

Untrue Story of Man in Shopping Queue..........

..but my favourite shopping queue joke....

A man was in the supermarket when he saw an attractive woman waving him over and smiling. He walked over, unsure of who she was.

“I’m sorry”, he said, “but I don’t think I recognise you”.

“I think you’re the father of one of my children”, the woman said, smiling.

The man’s heart nearly stopped as he thought back to the one time he had been unfaithful - his stag night. “Are you the stripper?” he asked, astonished. “Are you the one who rubbed whipped cream all over me on the snooker table while you slapped my ar5e with a wet celery?”

Wide-eyed and shocked the woman replies, “No, I’m your son’s math teacher.”

[nsd_user663_2743]

^^^^^^^^

another brill one!

[nsd_user663_2783]

..but my favourite shopping queue joke....

A man was in the supermarket when he saw an attractive woman waving him over and smiling. He walked over, unsure of who she was.

“I’m sorry”, he said, “but I don’t think I recognise you”.

“I think you’re the father of one of my children”, the woman said, smiling.

The man’s heart nearly stopped as he thought back to the one time he had been unfaithful - his stag night. “Are you the stripper?” he asked, astonished. “Are you the one who rubbed whipped cream all over me on the snooker table while you slapped my ar5e with a wet celery?”

Wide-eyed and shocked the woman replies, “No, I’m your son’s math teacher.”

Welcome back Austin - good one:D:)

[nsd_user663_3290]

I think i need to change from Morrisons to where you guys shop.:p

Morrisons??? Thats where Alan (the pundit) Hanson shops, i know this because ive seen him on the telly adverts, it must be true!

You Scots stick together eh? :rolleyes:

[nsd_user663_3290]

Nahh its just that theres no other choice where i live.

And well done 3lions i bet you were tempted to put "Jocks" instead of Scots........go on admit it you were..... you were so../QUOTE]

:mad: Guilty :mad:

How the ....... did you know that? I didnt want to offend, i know some of you Scots dont like being called Jocks or Tartan tos**** or Northern ***** or.............

*Starts North/South war* god help us, get ready for the Braveheart rants!

Just for the record - i love Scotland and the people within - just wish they would stay there No im joking honest, no i am.

[nsd_user663_2629]

jan i dont know where u get them but please keep em comin -

austin and jude for mods

[nsd_user663_2913]

really enjoyed the jokes , more please.

well dne with your quit jan.