Thank you all who replied to my first post - it is a good feeling to be heard by others in the same situation.
I am still with all who stopped at New Years - it seems to be getting harder and easier at the same time.
The harder bit is that I am realising that this isn't a game anymore - I really am not smoking again and it frightens the crap out of me. This fear creates a rage in my that I have never met before. People have said that they can get a little anxious or edgy but my god...I feel like there is H bomb about to go off in my body. Yesterday some non smoker (never smoked) in my office overheard me talking about not smoking and he said "Don't know what the big deal is, just don't smoke". Maybe these are wise words but at the time I just wanted to kung fu kick him out of the window. Of course I am not a violent person so these are only thoughts but I could feel my blood boiling I swear!
Anyway - the easy part - I am getting used to this, so flashes of anger, panic and confusion are becoming less frequent and I managed to sleep for a solid 7 hours last night (first time since I quit).
No one knows I am on this forum (apart from you guys), no one knows how hard I am finding it to banish those horrible bloody things out my life, no one knows that I am so happy that I don't stink like a smoker anymore. So thankyou for reading my inane rants that probably don't make any sense at all and the words of wisdom that I pick up on the way.
I have a question though - somone mentioned yesterday that they had quit for 6 months before but then fell back in the trap. How does this happen, is it like this feeling for years??? Its been on my mind and scares me, I don't want to be going through these mind games forever.