Not a lot keeping me going anymore...

Hello everyone, sorry I haven't been around much of late!

Month 4 for me, still going.

Trouble for me now is that I am a bit down and can see little point in making the effort to not smoke anymore.

Here comes the heart poured story, feel free to skip :rolleyes:

I was planning to quit around the same time I met this girl I really liked. I did quit and it made me feel great. She was pretty much my motivation to stay quit. I thought getting rid of the ashtray smell, yellow teeth, having more money and proving i'm not a pathetic addict are all going to be bonuses in an attempt to get to know the girl, as you do.

I really got to know her well, we got on so well it was fantastic.

That was all going great until recently when, out of nowhere, for no reason I'm aware of...everything went from going great to cut off, dead, stopped, and I feel terrible about it all, it's doing my head in. (Did I do or say something, etc, I really don't know!)

Thus I'm left upset and annoyed and not overly concerned with health benefits or any of that s**t at the moment if I'm entirely honest, and it's hard not to just smoke myself stupid.

Although that probably won't help... but these things always seem like a good idea.

Then, at the same time, I'm scared to smoke because I don't want it to be in my daily routine again, interfering with everything. So then I think I'll just have one... Then sit there in a battle with myself over wether I should, or I shouldn't.

I don't know what to do anymore :o

23 Replies

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  • Dear Mannion

    You have come so far- don't give up now.....you will feel so proud of yourself for keeping your quit going amidst all the turmoil. At the end of the day the white stick will not sort the GF prob out or make you feel better - that's just the tormenting voice that says that but is lieing.

    You have shown great committment to quitting and all those days you have done are passed now - it would be good to keep them there.

    Well done - think of all you have achieved - because it is mighty!!

    You can do this.

    Poppyfairyx

  • Oh please don't give into that way of thinking. You have come so far and have done so well. People pull stuff like that girl did for no apparent reason that we can see. While I was single (10 years after my divorce) I went thru that a couple times and did it to them a couple times. My reasons was I was bored with the relationship and knew it wasn't going anywhere. So who knows what the reason is. Point is, pick yourself up, hold your head up high, and keep going. There are more females out there. Keep at it and have fun. You don't need any cigarette to do that!

  • I've been where you are now. The only thing to say is that if you think you feel bad now, you will feel absolutely wretched if on top of it all you become a smoker again.

    You need to pull yourself up, give yourself a stern talking to and start trying to put a more positive slant on things - easier said than done I know.

    Good luck

  • my heart goes out to you mannion ......

    where u are is not a nice place to be, but as someone said ealier, smoking wont change things.

    you will find another girl im sure, and what if she doesnt smoke? you will have to go through it all again, dont let this be an excuse to go back, be strong.

    we are all here for you xxx

  • Well, still going :D No idea how many days it's been or anything, I don't bother counting anymore.

    I don't smoke, it's that simple.

    I've stopped telling people "no thanks dude, I'm quitting". (followed by sympathy from the smoker and me feeling like i'm trying the impossible)

    Now it's just "I don't smoke, thanks anyway" (followed by me feeling great and often one of my mates saying "yeh, he used to smoke though, didn't you? I need to try and quit soon)

    Which feels much better

    :D

  • Well, still going :D No idea how many days it's been or anything, I don't bother counting anymore.

    I don't smoke, it's that simple.

    I've stopped telling people "no thanks dude, I'm quitting". (followed by sympathy from the smoker and me feeling like i'm trying the impossible)

    Now it's just "I don't smoke, thanks anyway" (followed by me feeling great and often one of my mates saying "yeh, he used to smoke though, didn't you? I need to try and quit soon)

    Which feels much better

    :D

    :D what a turn around!! bet they eat humble pie now x x

    Revel in smugness as you have done it!!

    ~Buffy x x

  • Mannion you have just given me soooooooooo much hope and good feelings you'll never realise matey. Let me explain I've quit lotsa times b4 using various methods(patches,cold turkey,gum,hypnotherapy even had bloody needles stuck in me(accupunture they called it -- bloody painful I c alled it! I honestly thought that after 25yrs and loadsa failed quits I was destined to smoke till I died(probably of some horrid smoke related disease) Then I was introduced to champix.Ok so its not a @magic pill' but it really makes things so much easier. I've only been quit 21 days but to know that I can feel at peace in a couple of months time make these early days so worth it.

  • Thanks guys, as usual you make me feel great!

    kazza - I'm sooo happy to have helped you. Don't listen to what any smoker tells you - just hang in there. It gets easier and easier until you forget you're even trying. Then when you do eventually remember you're beating this (supposedly really tough) addiction with ease, it feels fantastic.

    I actually enjoy not smoking now, if that makes any sense?

    Obviously I keep my gob shut, but for example...

    At uni we have some lectures that are 3 hours long. when we get a break I usually wander around to the cafe to grab a coffee and some chocolate or whatever.

    Before I can even get my crap together, half of the theatre is cleared out and by the time I get outside there is a sea of smokers all there relieving their pain. A carpet of money going up in smoke, as they all set their bodies up for it's next agonising craving.

    I feel really sorry for them as I remember the pain of being sat in a lecture, numb to everything being said by the lecturer, just waiting for him/her to let us have a break so i could go and smoke.

    Being constantly reminded that I've beaten all of that is a feeling like no other. It's a feeling anyone can achieve with the help of the gang here too.

    Much love :D

  • mannion

    hey the sentiment in your first post is more or less the thought that sent me back smoking before... hope the next time i reach that sort of impasse i have your strength. well done

  • Hey guys and gurlies, I can't sleep so I thought I'd see what's happenin' in here and jot down some of my thoughts and experience in the hope somebody will care or benefit from reading it in some way... or something hehe.

    I consider myself quite an observant person, I was always the kid who had to take everything to pieces just to conclude it was impossible to put back together and I'm told I'm quite good at "reading people".

    As an ex smoker in the company of lots of smokers everyday of the week, this all makes for some interesting conversations... all with underlying messages that only an ex smoker (And a bit of an oddball like me) would ever notice.

    For example there is one guy who acts as if he simply refuses to accept that I don't smoke any more. He still offers me at least 5 cigarettes per day and it's clearly painful for him when I turn them down every time. I'm fairly confident this is the "I'm on a sinking ship and I don't like the fact everyone is abandoning it around me" thing Allen Carr mentions in his books.

    There is another guy who always justifies every cigarette he smokes in my company "I don't smoke much now anyway, but if i buy them i will smoke them. if they aren't there, it doesn't bother me. Plus I'm stressed..." Clearly this is a person who is well aware they are in a trap and feel inferior to non smokers for one reason or another (I remember that feeling all too well)

    Then there is another guy who makes a real point of letting me know he is going out of his way not to smoke, because I have quit. He'll literally say it every time. This seems to be genuinely considerate, although his good intentions are based upon confusion. (He obviously believes that I am still fighting temptation to smoke and I'm too weak to see others suffering from nicotine addiction without relapsing myself)

    All in all quitting has put me into a strange situation. I'm sure you have to be weird to find it all as interesting as I do, but nicotine addiction really does get hold of every person differently.

    Every smoker seems to have one deeply rooted piece of confusion or fear that keeps them smoking.

    I now have no idea why I ever smoked. I cannot remember my confusion or my fear, much in the same way I can't remember getting hooked or even smoking my first cigarette.

    I'm boring myself now. I think I'll try sleeping again LOL.

    Much love

  • I've been thinking about smoking a bit over the last few days. I'm struggling to sleep for some reason and it's those dragging hours tossing and turning all around my bed when I get to thinking about smoking a bit.

    It's strange because the idea of actually going and getting some cigarettes and smoking one is beyond ridiculous to me. I would just never do it.

    I wouldn't even call it temptation, it's just strange how it enters my head for some reason still...

  • Thank you for the support, you have no idea how many times you guys have picked me up when I'm down with your logical thinking and kind words. :p

    My thoughts of smoking are practically gone now. I know this will sound scary to anyone early in a quit.... but I do still think about it from time to time though.

    Not often, not even once per day. I'm sure I ahve gone for like a week without even thinking about it!

    But as soon as something upsets me, I guess I start wanting to reach out and grab something, like the instict of a child with their security blanket/teddy/whateve.

    This part of my brain is still wired to make me want to smoke, but it soon passes.

    Hey ho. I enjoy blowing all my cash on shirts, shoes and dental work rather than cigarettes, lighters and new formula whitening tooth paste which used to make my teeth slightly lighter shade of yellow LOL.

    How are you guys?

  • a couple of glasses of wine down and ..........

    James!! I love you :D :p x x

  • LOL!!!!!

    Buffy.... You are Hactually crazy!!!! You really do make me smile!!! :D

    Love you too lolz

    xXx

  • Oh I am not that crazy cos they let me out on day release :D

    :D hehehe *mwah*

  • OK, well now I have been out and had myself a good drink (lol) my inhabitions are truely lowered and I'm well and truely ready to expose my innermost feelings.

    Guys.... seriously....honestly....and whole heartedly....you have held my hand through the most difficult transition of my life. At times I couldn't give a rat's arse what happened to my body, you talked me around.... When I had higher things on my mind than saving £2.35 each day, you pointed me in the right direction. When I was face down in the gutter you dragged me back to my feet. Even when my problems went a mile beyond smoking, you were always there!

    I am now free. Totally, completely. I feel so alive.

    And I can honestly say (seriously) I wouldn't have made it here without this forum. Boudee, Buffy and the rest of the crew... you are giving people a new lease of life and don't you ever forget it for a single second, OK?

    I don't have a chance to get on here everyday, that much is true. But everytime I'm, offered a cigarette and I pass I think of you bunch of nutters! Honestly... you showed me the way and I am now loving every minute of it.

    Appologies for the essay and the dodgy typing, I've bgeen oot with the gang o' lads hehehe (still smoke free, naturally)

    MWAHHHH xXXXXxXxxXXxXx See ya soon xXxXxXx

    (edited to repair the worst of the spelling errors lolzor)

  • Could do with a few more me thinks...

    XXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxXxXXXXxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXxx :p

  • Could do with a few more me thinks...

    I reckon like me, you've had quite enough already you old soak!!!!!

    svenschindler.typepad.com/p...

  • No, not at all!!! I don't have much of a hangover anyway in all honesty. I just like teh cat picz lol. :p

    Not missing the lung o' fire that used to be added into the hangover equasion thanks to the 20-30 cigarettes I could plough through in a few hours of drunken stupidity!

    Was miiiiiiiiiighty cold outside the boozer last night. You can hear the teeth of the smokers chattering away from inside lol.

    Sod that for a laugh eh? :D

  • heh, same here Boudee lol!

    About the 10 that i'd normally smoke, then I'd buy a 20 deck on my way into town and go through that, then sometimes I'd go halves on another pack with a friend and probably smoke all of those as well sometimes. Then obviously you give a load out and take a load from others too, so the actual number is fuzzy.

    I dread to think what my worst ever would be in one day.... :eek:

  • heh, same here Boudee lol!

    About the 10 that i'd normally smoke, then I'd buy a 20 deck on my way into town and go through that, then sometimes I'd go halves on another pack with a friend and probably smoke all of those as well sometimes. Then obviously you give a load out and take a load from others too, so the actual number is fuzzy.

    I dread to think what my worst ever would be in one day.... :eek:

    I remember those days!:rolleyes:

    I'd wake up in the morning and realise how many cigarettes i'd smoked:eek:

    Probably went through a good pack of 20 from the time I left the house about 8ish to when I got home. Not including the ones I would of smoked between the time I woke up that morning to the time when I actually went out. Looking to about 35 cigarettes in a day!:eek:

  • Have read this thread with great interest

    Mannion you are an inspiration,to come through such a bad time and not even give in to the dreaded weed!

    Well done mate, i am picking up a script for champix on monday and will refer to this wonderful thread on my down days

    Wish me luck everybody and keep up the good work! ;)

    You just made my day :p

    Good luck, please keep us updated :D

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