Very Shocked, please read!!!

Hi all, first time on here.

My name is Paul, im 38 & have smoked since i was 15, i have two daughters aged 4 & 7.

This is the third time ive tried to stop & so far the longest at 16 days.

Im taking Zyban on the freshstart.

I drove my daughters to school on day 2 & my eldest said she was glad i was stopping smoking because she loved me lots & lots, i was her bestest friend (along with her mum of coarse) & she didnt want me to go to Jesus!!

When i got home my wife left for work (i work shifts), i was pacing up & down as you do, feeling like my arm had been cut off. I went on the freshstart website looking at the adverts. One that struck me was called flower girl. A girl the same age as my eldest was putting flowers on her dads grave, her brother, the same age as my youngest was cuddling his mum watching his sister over the grave.

I went to pick my wife up from work & she asked me how i got on without a fag. I started to tell her about the advert & what my daughter had said & then, this big strapping 38yr old burst into tears saying i couldnt bare it if my girls had to grow up without me!

My wife put it down to the Zyban, i put it down to waking up & smelling the coffee. O.k, some of you may call me a wuss but my girls are my world, they are what i breath for & i couldnt bare the hurt they would go through if i wasnt around for them.

Well done everyone on here, you are all Brilliant. Take one minute, one hour & one day at a time. You can do it

All the very best

Paul

16 Replies

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  • Kids! Their insight is superb :) They'll be so proud of you. And not a wuss at all - but yes, blame it on the Zyban if anyone asks!!

  • I was putting flowers on my dads grave at 22. He died of emphasyma. But that didnt stop me smoking, because as a smoker you honestly believe that wont happen to you. But now Ive got to stop kidding myself. Chances are I will die of something like that, so this is my first day.

  • Maybe the medication got you emo. but you are not a wuss. Oh no!

    I think its really touching that you realised that you dnt want your daughters to cry or suffer without you! And that this is keeping you motivated and strong to give up. Very happy for you!

  • What a moving post Paul - thank you for sharing it with us.

    I set my date for tommorow six weeks ago after my Son who's six asked me why I smoked? When I said I don't know why he replyed

    "If they are no good for you I want you to stop!"

    Oh the heart ache.

    It's good to have a focus - another reason that keeps you strong.

    Hang in there Paul!

  • HI

    I am on day 6 and that was such i moving post i think its great and certainly dont think you are a wuss very brave if you ask me.

    My dad was diagonised with emphysama two years ago and he hasnt smoked since and is doing really well but still that didnt make me stop!! Even seeing him on oxygen and all the stuff at the hospital but it has never left my mind and i have two daughters aged 4 and 2 and i am doing this for them i want to see them growing up. An my dad is sooooooo pleased for me and is giving me loads of support too.

    Jules xx

  • Reply to Very Shocked Paul

    Paul, your girls are so lucky that their Daddy has enough good sense and honor to know the difference between real strength and weakness. In this case, it took an incredibly strong man to admit his weakness in smoking and to give it up for those little girls he holds so dear. Good for you!!

    Ironically, it was my 18-year-old son who led me to smoke. I was 47 last year and had never smoked at all, ever. In fact, I gave my kids living hell for smoking. Then my youngest got mixed up with drugs and my world got really bad, really fast. I never knew what stress was until my son was psychotic from pot (yes, it CAN happen), living on the street, with no way for me to get in touch with him. I finally got him into rehab, and one horrible day I had him out on a day pass, during which he ranted and raved at me the entire time. His counselor had told me to let him smoke while he was out on the pass, so I did. After I dropped him back off at rehab, I was a nervous wreck, finally letting myself cry, and shaking uncontrollably. I don't know what made me do it, but there were his cigarettes lying on the front seat, and I reached over and took one. Within a minute or two, the shaking stopped, I calmed down, stopped crying, I could focus. I never knew cigarettes could do that. That was January 4th, 2006. I didn't smoke again until March 31st,2006, and I've been smoking ever since. I like it now. But I hate myself. I'm such a huge hypocrite. Last night I found myself counting my cigarettes to see if I'd have enough to last until I get paid, and realized I'm a slave to the darn things. Today I've only had one, and I'm feeling it. But I called in to a Christian radio station I've been listening to and pledged $32/month for their pledge drive because that's about what I spend on cigarettes. Now I'm pretty scared, and hoping I can pull this off, because my husband will kill me if I spend the money on cigarettes and the radio station!

    Anyway, I'm pretty shocked as well, Paul, because if anyone had ever told me that one day I'd end up a smoker, I'd have laughed in their face. I guess we just never know do we? Good luck to us!!

  • Hi jules just read your post and realy feel for you. My eldest is 30 and started taking drugs at 15 he is off them now but has a very big drnk problem. We have been to hell and back and still are he started drinking again yesterday and is now down stairs pisssssssssssed. But what I am realy trying to say is we can only do our best for our kids (this as taken me years to belive ) We must try and sort our self out and giving up the weed is a big step in the right place so please for yourself and the rest of you family think hard about it its not easy I been smoking 32 years and in the end was on 40 a day but on this site we are all here for the same thing and you will get great support Good luck to you and you son Linda

  • :mad: Dear Linda;

    Thank you so much for your caring reply. Right now, I feel like I'm back right where I was a year ago, when I started smoking. Last year my son got in an argument with my husband and was kicked out of the house; last night, they had another argument and Jonathan walked out. I have my hubby on one hand telling me not to let Jonathan into the house, not to give him any money,etc, and Jon on the other hand calling me at work saying he has slept in the park, can I let him get his stuff from the house, can I give him money. I'm caught in the middle, and worried to death about my son.

    As far as smoking goes, I've cut back to one cigarette a day, and have that one farther apart on each successive day. I've been getting headaches, and creepy-crawley feelings,especially in my head, and I've been so hungry... is going off of 3 to 4 cigarettes a day enough to cause all of that? I've lost 40 lbs. since the end of last March(2006) without even trying. Am I going to gain it all back? Emotionally, I feel like I NEEDNEEDNEED NEED a Newport RIGHT NOW!!! The devil is talking trash to me too, saying that it's okay to start up again under these circumstances...I really need those cigarettes!

    I'm so close to quitting the idea of quitting. I feel very unsafe and insecure without the emotional crutch of my cigarettes to help me cope. Any body have any suggestions?

  • Hi I cant really give much advie on someone elses life. But do really under stand what you are going through I have been there and am still going through it all I can say is it will still happen if you smoke or not and you are harming your own heath if you do. I go to a support group because of my sons problems and that as helped me no end Please let us know how things are Love linda

  • Hi jules.

    Well done on reducing the amount you smoke as well as coping with all thats happening in your life.

    I can't give any advice on your other problems only try to help with stopping smoking. One piece of advice that has helped me is realising that a problem will not go away after you've smoked a cigarette and it will not make you feel any better about the problem.

    For example, if i am having an arguement with my partner the first thing that flashes into my head is 'i want a cigarette', but then i think, it won't stop the arguement, it won't solve anything and the problem will still be there when i finish the cigarette.

    As for the creepy crawlys, we all get them, headaches, funny dreams, itchiness. Its all just mild discomfort while your body is cleaning itself.

    Alot of people find it helps to think of the nicotine as a little monster inside your stomach that wants fed nicotene, when you stop smoking the monster gets hungry and starts having a tantrum, making lots of noise and making you feel uncomfortable, if you smoke it will shut up but only for a little while. You have to starve the monster, it will make you suffer for it but eventually it will die or go away. It won't go away if you keep feeding it!!!!

    Hope this helps Jules :) :) :)

  • Thanks to Chocobunny and Linda for sensibly reminding me that problems will not go away if I have a smoke. (So why do I still feel so unequipped for battle?!). That bit about having an argument with your partner and wanting a cigarette first thing really hit home...that's me too. I like the imagery of the nicotine monster, I think I'll try that! I'm going to look into the patch and other things available at the drugstore. This week has been hard and I don't want to blow it. Thanks again guys! :confused: :o

    One of the patients in the dental practice I work said she finally was able to quit as she grew in her faith as a Christian, she one day realized that if Christ was truly at work within her, what was she doing putting all of that crap into Him? She kept visualizing that and was able to quit and stay quit.

  • wow. thats an inspiring story for real man

  • Nothing like a child to wake you up and make you smell the coffee! I don't think it was the zyban Paul I think you are right!

    Good Luck

    keep up the good work

    Cindy

  • Hit home !

    Hi all, first time on here.

    My name is Paul, im 38 & have smoked since i was 15, i have two daughters aged 4 & 7.

    This is the third time ive tried to stop & so far the longest at 16 days.

    Im taking Zyban on the freshstart.

    I drove my daughters to school on day 2 & my eldest said she was glad i was stopping smoking because she loved me lots & lots, i was her bestest friend (along with her mum of coarse) & she didnt want me to go to Jesus!!

    When i got home my wife left for work (i work shifts), i was pacing up & down as you do, feeling like my arm had been cut off. I went on the freshstart website looking at the adverts. One that struck me was called flower girl. A girl the same age as my eldest was putting flowers on her dads grave, her brother, the same age as my youngest was cuddling his mum watching his sister over the grave.

    I went to pick my wife up from work & she asked me how i got on without a fag. I started to tell her about the advert & what my daughter had said & then, this big strapping 38yr old burst into tears saying i couldnt bare it if my girls had to grow up without me!

    My wife put it down to the Zyban, i put it down to waking up & smelling the coffee. O.k, some of you may call me a wuss but my girls are my world, they are what i breath for & i couldnt bare the hurt they would go through if i wasnt around for them.

    Well done everyone on here, you are all Brilliant. Take one minute, one hour & one day at a time. You can do it

    All the very best

    Paul

    Well Paul i can sure relate to what you said about wanting to be around to see your girls grow up, i am a 42 year old with two kids and three grandkids, and want very much to see them grow and i never want to have to say to them i have cancer, over the last two years i have watched as cancer took my mom and my dad, it has taken me awhile to put the smokes down, but i am going into my forth day smoke free, and oh my god who could have known that there are more hours in a day when your not smoking....geesh... seems like it anyways... and your right about taking one minute at a time, all i can say is that i hope it gets easier as the days go by. I hope i can do this , i keep telling myself that i can "like the little train that thought he could"..... :) Anyways i hope your doing well and keep your chin up i will be thinking about you..we can do this we can do this.....lol

  • Hi Hope

    Welcome to the site congrats on your quit it do get better as the days go on. I am sure your mum & dad will be proud of you I have also lost both my mum & dad to lung cancer so know where you coming from. Keep coming on here you will get great support we are all hear for you Linda xx

  • Welcome hope x x x x

    Grats on your good choice to quit x x

    4 days! good one more than half way through your first week x x

    Keep up your strength and carry on upwars ~Buffy x

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