Living Isolated due to covid19 and kidney transplant recepient in home

[Gardner-NY]

I would really like to have a running dialogue with someone/a family that has someone with a kidney transplant or any organ transplant and is living isolated as a family. What organizations, websites, blogs can I find someone? I have tried this HealthUnlocked but it has not been ongoing in the manner I prefer. My husband almost 4 yrs ago received his transplant and for 14 mos after we lived isolated on many levels myself included and then covid19 arrived and from 3/2020 to now still living very isolated. Never could get the Evushield shot which now is not viable from all my research. I am just wishing to find out who else is living as we do, isolated away from people 99% of the time. Thanks alot.

[LavenderRabbit]

I had my surgery in March of 2021. The first 3 months I was very isolated because of the surgery and the drugs given. After that I did not live isolated, I just wore a mask. I did not eat in restaurants, or get into crowds.

As Covid started to die down, I was the only person at work that wore a mask. I also started to eat at restaurants, but only outside.

Now at work I wear a mask when someone comes to talk to me, or I get up to go somewhere else in the office. (no one is within 7 feet of me at my desk ) At restaurants, I prefer to eat outside, but will eat inside if it is not crowded and no one is near by. (Think off hours) I always have a mask very handy and judge each situation. More likely than not, I just wear the mask if inside.

Though I have to say, I’m getting very tired of it.

All that being said, I don’t know your medical situation and I think you should do what your doctor says.

[Gardner-NY in reply to LavenderRabbit]

Thanks for writing about your experiences living isolated. My spouse had his kidney transplant 4 yrs ago this month and for 14 mos after, alot of problems where we were not around people. I worked full time then and he retired, so I wore a mask at work/had my own office and did not allow people in my office and met with people outside due to how compromised he was all that time, then 6 wks later when he finally got good blood labs, covid came March 2020. I live isolated like him so that I don't bring this virus in our home. WE have no family near us and his transplant doctors tell him to continue to live the way we describe to him, which is extremely isolated. I fell into my first time life depression May 2020 and counseling is not helping alot. I'm the extrovert/healthy spouse of 45 yrs and my husband the introvert. I have not met anyone who lives the way we do. WE've been told that is he got covid positive, most likely he'd be in the hospital and there are possible dire consequences of death or losing the organ. Our county most of the time is medium or high covid. WE live where winter is 7 mos a year, so doing stuff outdoors is very limited. THanks for writing.

[YorkyinNorfolk in reply to Gardner-NY]

Hello,

I’m sorry to hear about your predicament, it must be particularly difficult for you as the healthy spouse.

If you don’t feel able to mix carefully and socially indoors, is it possible for you to join a local walking group so that you can meet people outdoors regularly?

Did either of you have hobbies before your husband’s transplant? Can you interact online with people interested in similar activities? Video calling could be a safe way of interacting with groups, friends and family.

Are there local mental health support groups (online) who could support you with activities and local groups to join?

Could you take up something like golf where you can meet people outdoors? Take some lessons or find other outdoor group activities.

Personally I would try not to stay in a medical “bubble” where all your focus is on isolation, it’s not good for our mental health and it’s clearly having a negative impact on you and probably your husband.

While it’s good to stay in touch with the latest developments and guidelines I would suggest getting out of that echo chamber if you can find other groups and hobbies that you can participate in together or individually. Socialising is possible, you just have to think outside the box and find things to do outside and maybe even indoors with care … masks, quiet times etc as others have mentioned.

You’re right, the mental health side of being isolated and unprotected has been neglected but we need to take the initiative and find safe activities to take part in. We are social beings.

I wish you well as you move forward as a couple living with a transplant.

[Gardner-NY in reply to YorkyinNorfolk]

Hello, thanks for your caring spirit. I walk one hour a day outdoors even when its 20 degrees and sometimes a retired friend will go with me if she's able. I see a counselor and not feeling like it is useful. Everyone's risk factor is different even yours possibly. I have exhausted finding things to do with local friends outside for they often were busy with their own family obligations when weather was nice. We have 7 mos of chilly/cold weather where I live, so outdoors stuff is limited. I've tried many times zoom type meetings and I find it frustrating due to things freezing up often though we have good wi-fi services. My husband and I have always had lots of hobbies, but when I'm experiencing my first life depression as of 5/2020, hobbies are the first things to go away. OUr isolated lifestyle started long before covid19 arrived due to how serious for 14 mos after transplant my spouse' kidney problems were and then things rolled into covid19 issues on top of what we were already dealing with. We just have not had a break. My spouse sees one friend via zoom or in the friend's gazebo a mile from us maybe 1-2 times a month , depends of friend's work schedule. My spouse and I see his transplant dr tomorrow for a routine appt and again like we did in May at that appt we'll bring up are we doing too much in our lifestyle being so rigid to protect my husband without immunity from covid. In May this dr said we are doing everything right and to continue as we live. I spelled it out so clearly how we lived, my depression, and more; I did not sugar coat anything. I keep trying without success to find out if I wear my N95 mask to a friend's home and never take it off and they do or donot wear a mask and are current on vaccinations, what is the risk of my spending time with them in their house and for how long. I'm so tired of trying to find answers to keep my spouse safe . I would be mortified if I brought this virus into our house. WE have no children, married 45 yrs, we have gone through many issues in life and this is the biggest ordeal. All you wrote with examples I have tried them if they interested me already. I am asking for sites that I can email others in the same situation and THIS site is not giving me what I asked for still.

[WYOAnne NKF Ambassador]

I think you need to have a long talk with your husbands' nephrologist.

Guess I wonder if you both have had the COVID boosters this Fall, the flu vaccine and what your age is?

He had a transplant and now is the time to "live his life." I know I did not have a transplant to hibernate. I think you can get out into the "world" all within reason. COVID is going to be around forever just like the flu. I would hate to think he would stay inside for the rest of his life. I know you both have fears, but that is why you need to have a "heart to heart" talk with your nephrologist. He can certainly advise you.

I am 23+ years post transplant and have religiously gotten all of the COVID vaccines and boosters. Evershed now does not seem to work against the COVID variants. The boosters that have come out are geared to give protection from the newest variant. I know that even if you are boosted you can get COVID, but it will be like a bad cold. Talk with your doctor!

My husband and I have started traveling with friends that are also "boosted." We do eat out in restaurants a couple of times a month but go mid-week when they are not as busy. Will be traveling by airplane this Spring and Summer. I will wear a mask at the airport and on the plane. We are going to the Florida Keys and then this summer to Nova Scotia. My nephrologist believes that it is time to LIVE.

Hope this post makes you stop and think. Please have that talk with your husband's nephrologist.

Take care.

[Gardner-NY in reply to WYOAnne]

Hello WYOAnne, We did talk indepth May 2022 to my husband's kidney transplant doctor about our rigid lifestyle since covid19 arrived 3/2020. The dr feels we should continue to live as we do. Of course we both get all the covid19 vaccines and boosters as soon as we can do so and have including flu too. All done. There was no Evushield available to get that medication due to it was not manufactured in the correct amount for all immunocompromised people to obtain from my research. WE both wear KN95 masks and he sometimes wears the more higher level than that 95 mask when he feels the need. WE have not shared a meal indoors in our house or anyone's home since Dec 2018, no movies, no restaurants, no vacations, and more. My husband and I are both 63. I am healthy and he does alot of research as I do on the virus and changes happening and he prefers to not take the risk of getting the virus. IF I ever did get it, I'd check into a motel due to how small our house is with one bathroom. I only visit friends outside and even our 7 mos of winter I take outside walks alone or with a friend who is brave to deal with cold. THere are no words to convey how difficult our life mentally has been. His local nephrologist seems to agree with how we are living. TO me , we are not living , we are existing. I am so angry.

[WYOAnne NKF Ambassador in reply to Gardner-NY]

I am so sorry that your nephrologist was soooo un-understanding!!!!!

I saw a different nephrologist today, since mine retired. I purposely asked him the question about "living" life and getting out into the world. His view was like mine...WHY did you have a transplant if all you are going to do is hibernate. If it were me, I would get a second opinion. I am a person that firmly believes you both need to LIVE!

We are going to Kansas City soon to see one of our daughters and grandsons. I will take all precautions - wearing a mask in airport and on plane. I will probably not wear one after. If I get COVID, then so be it. It probably won't be bad, since I have been vaccinated and boosted. I do not plan to get sick, however.

Take care of yourselves but I would follow-up with another nephrologist.

[Transplant2018]

Please know you are not alone. I have not eaten inside at a restaurant nor been on a plane (which means I haven't seen my only sister) since the pandemic. I no longer go to movies or theatre or any indoor events, and I always mask when making quick indoor visits, such as to the grocery story. We only travel by car and we have missed holidays and weddings and funerals and so many important events. It does get depressing, but I continue out of gratitude for my precious transplant and because of the overwhelming data demonstrating that the immuncompromised have an increased risk of serious illness and death from Covid.

As to your request for an running dialogue with someone in a similar situation, I'd suggest trying the NKF helpline, 855 653 2273, and/or making your request through Kidney Peers, kidney.org/peers. On FB, I have found the Transplant Vaccine Study Group to be extremely helpful (it began with those of us in the Johns Hopkins studies - hence the name - but expanded since). That group focuses on communicating updated medical information, but there are often multiple posts about how difficult it is to live in isolation and how we feel forgotten and misunderstood and left behind as others want to just return to normal. As alone as you feel, please know there are many of us going through the same experience.

[Gardner-NY in reply to Transplant2018]

Hello , That is why I wrote asking to communicate with others on a very frequent basis. I don't use facebook but will look at your other idea. I have stayed in touch with John Hopkins medical and a few other hospitals that are working with kidney transplant and covid19 medications/vaccines for a long time. WE were living isolated since I brought him home from the hospital 12/5/18 due to him having so many problems for 14 months then with covid19 we hunkered down more, but for us we have not spent time with people like "normal" since I brought him home. My husband during the entire pandemic start date to now has predicted very accurately 6 months out, all that would happen for people with organ transplant and it has happened . This group is 'forgotten' is what he said in January this year, and its happened. I started last week a letter writing campaign to people in Congress to pass the covid19 bill which would do alot, but the one focus I have for selfish reasons is more research money for finding meds to help immunocompromised people since the vaccines for many/most are not doing well building antibodies. WE last saw our family in April 2018 before his transplant, 16 hr drive from where we live near Canada. We allow ourselves quick grocery shopping and pharmacy pickups at drive through all once a week always wearing a good mask. I live like I also had the transplant, but of course I did not. OUr county is high or medium covid positive so often it is unreal. Just tired of existing this way . I never see empathy from his kidney doctors or the staff. THe staff even seem oblivious to how isolated we live until I see them at an appointment every 6 mos and explain it , then they get silent with embarrassment. Thanks for sharing. I email 'alot' and seeking an organization that matches people in the same boat to write to daily.

[JeffSherman1958]

Have you had his antibodies tested?

[Gardner-NY]

yes, so low it is scary.

[klb36]

I understand your concerns. I was transplanted in January 1985. I decide after my first year i would not let the transplant control my life but i would live the fullest life i was given with my second chance. I am cautious but i still maintain a full life . There are many other ways we can get sick . IF someone has the flue i stay away from them if they have a cold i step back from them. do not touch eyes nose or mouth without washing hands or using sanitizer. I work in a meat department for a grocery chain. i work over 50 to 60 hours a week since covid. I keep a mask on and try to stay at least 3 feet away from people at all times, that is hard because i wear hearing aids and most people try to get closer. I do not get mad or upset i just try to back up. I go to restaurants either before the rush or just as the rush time is over. when my nephew had his mmr i could not see him for 7 weeks for my health. I know what i am about to say now i will catch a lot of heat for but i am being honest . I am not vaccinated for covid. It is my choice because of the drugs for transplant. I just came back from a trip where i flew from Atlanta to Wisconson no covid no sickness. I am the only person in my family who has not had covid. I have lost people i know from covid my family supports my choices and never condemns me for what i do in life. I hope you stay safe and do what makes you and your family are comfortable.

[Darlenia]

My husband, a diabetic on insulin like your hubby, received a transplant in June 2021 at age 71. He, too, also experienced a lot of issues post transplant (ureter leak, a-fib, drop foot, major fall and brain surgery) but he is fine today. He's completely current on his vaccines - Covid and others. He also received another Evusheld treatment last week. His transplant center told us that while the current Evusheld antibodies may not "prevent" the latest variants of Covid, it significantly reduces the symptoms. I asked his doctor at our center about the upcoming holidays, and she said to exercise common sense, but with his being up-to-date on everything, he should enjoy the festivities. She also mentioned his immunosuppressants are no longer at the very high level they were at the beginning of his transplant. With regard to getting out, we flew to Colorado this past summer. On our return, I contracted a mild case of Covid which was treated with Paxlovid; my hubby never contracted it. I found this amazing and give full credit to our center's prevention protocols. At one time, he had a simple cold which went away on its own with no interventions. We intend to enjoy additional activities as time goes on. Life is meant to be lived.

[Alfredmynewkidney]

I'm so sorry your Dr. Seems to think isolation is good. I work full time and live my life. I do wear a mask and wash my hands frequently. My parents who are I there 70s are a little more isolated. My dad has had 2 kidney transplants. But they still travel to Maine for the summer. Go to stores and occasionally out to eat. They do come to my house at least once per week. I did not get a transplant to stop living but to live. I hope you can go out at least a little.

[Darlenia in reply to Alfredmynewkidney]

Yes, we do that too. Life is indeed meant to be lived. My hubby, with the transplant, insists we go out daily together for our mental health - we get a coffee, go on walks, eat out occasionally, etc. On his own, he goes to a religious study group, works his business part-time, etc. We also belong to two senior groups for social interaction - and those members are very, very respectful of everyone's health issues since most everyone has a health problem. One group meets weekly, the other monthly. My husband simply can't stand being isolated, so we're thankful that his transplant center encourages it. That said, we're mindful - wearing masks, distancing, sanitizing, etc. where needed. We are loving his new lease on life. I'm glad you and your parents are doing fine too.

[LisaSnow]

I hear a lot of struggles in your writing and I wish I can lessen that pain. It is understandable that his transplant doctor prefers all patients to be as safe as possible. Transplant clinicians are probably not well trained in mental health to understand how desperately hard being isolated is for the healthy care takers. That being said, he wants you to "continue whatever you are doing" is likely because: 1) it is not realistic to quantify a relative risk of either of you contracting COVID, with or without coninuing isolation, 2) it is not easy to know how the colder seasons will change infection rate in your area, or bringing in new variants, or how pathogenic the new variants will be.

This is why transplant clinicians would rather patients "be safer" than "doing the minimum".

We all have to weigh the pros and cons of complete isolation vs open socialization on our own terms. I used to dine out 3 days a week before the pandemic, now I order in and dine out only after craving kicks in and only with careful planning. I continue to work full time but teach and conduct meetings mostly on Zoom. I make mask a regular part of fashionable outfit, and I continue to meet with friends in cafe and park. I shop online mostly but love occasional mall shopping too. My behavioral adaptation is situation-based and always done with consideration and planning, but I do not deprive myself of doing whatever I want to do. Of course, I got all vaccine/boosters and two rounds of Evolsure as soon as they were available.

I believe you did everything right, and suspect you may be too hard on yourself with a "absolutes" mindset. Even with every preventative measures taken, a person can still be unlucky to get infected just by one missed entry. Similarly, some people who never got vaccinated or wear mask/wash hands seem to have not caught it (yet). We really can't get a guaranteed outcome, either way.

However, isn't being free from fear, isn't feeling joy from doing what we love, worth a little bit of manageable risk?

Have you asked your husband what his opinions on this issue are? Perhaps he is not as worried as you, and may enjoy doing more than before?

I wouldn't take his transplant doctor's response "literally", rather taking it as a compliment that you have been doing a great job with prevention. It doesn't mean you can not "ever" do more socially with others.

It is ultimately a discussion for you to have as a married couple, even better with a therapist incolved, to plan together the slow reintegration of social activity based on the comfort level of you two as a couple. Making the plans together will be the most productive way to feel empowered and build confidence again.

[ChristopherW]

Hi , sorry to hear how isolated you feel.

I’ve had my transplant 41 years.

What you learn is that at all times you are vulnerable to viral infections.

If you are immunocompromised and someone sneezes on an elevator, you could easily get bronchial pneumonia and possibly die.

Covid is only an extension of that.

Not only do i have a transplant but I also have metatastic prostate cancer and i , from my Dad’s side, a genetic heart condition.

My view is that the worst thing in the world is to be frightened of living life, cos i know my is short.

So i got out, meet friends, drink wine, eat nice food, enjoy music concerts, go to art galleries, travel and basically enjoy life.

Quality of life rather than quantity is important to me so i would suggest, but I understand that we are all different, that you stop your isolation and embrace life.

Whatever you choose, i wish you well.

Chris

[Gardner-NY in reply to ChristopherW]

Thanks for writing your life story. Congrats for having your organ that many years. My spouse is the leader of what we do when it comes to covid19. THe first 14 mos after his transplant 4 yrs ago tomorrow, he had nothing but serious problems and his doctors told him to not be 'out and about' plus his energy was horrible for that entire time. 6 wks break from this horrific nonstop timeframe and then covid came. My biggest concern is bringing covid home to him and I'm the healthy person fully up to date on shots (him too). My mental health is so compromised its scary. We plan to do baby steps to do more things, but right now after THanksgiving we know our county will be high covid. Its high positive more than not. His transplant team did not support the Evushield monoclonal at all , just a side note. THe research was not accomplished enough for them to support their kidney transplant patients to get it , 'if ' they could. I asked . THanks for your caring spirit. We have yet celebrated anything in life for 4 yrs with friends. being honest here. I see a counselor/he refuses and don't see it very useful. Take care.

[Jamok]

Hi Gardner-NY,

I live in the Chicago area where it is also cold 7 months out of the year. My spouse and I are isolated like you but because of me as I am at a low gfr trying to avoid dialysis while waiting for a transplant plus the gene that is defective and gave me kidney disease makes me more likely to have serious consequences from Covid. We do have adult kids and extended family who we do get together with outside in the warm months. We get together with our kids only after they test and I usually wear a mask around them inside even then. We just went to our first extended family Thanksgiving since Covid. I wore a mask the whole time and only took it off to eat off to the side near an open door. Everyone had to test first. I did it for my husband’s sanity because I know, like you, he is definitely suffering due to the isolation and the tremendous guilt he feels if he should ever bring covid home to me and I get deathly ill. I think he’s starting to resent me a bit although he says he does not. We don’t go to concerts movies, or indoor restaurants. I know he would love to travel. We did drive to the smoky mountain area and stay in a house for a week but again it was just really more isolation. Just a different scene. I think it did help him a bit though.

This seemed much easier to do when everybody was isolated but now it seems everybody else has gotten back to their old life and it makes it really difficult to stay isolated. At least my husband does have a job and he works 99% virtually from home and it at least is a connection for him to the outside world. When he does have to go into work he isolates from me for a couple of days and then tests for Covid.

What activities are you missing out on that you want to do? I know it’s challenging mentally but maybe you could take a road trip for a different scenery or you could go on a trip or to a show but isolate from your spouse and test in a few days when you return. It only takes five days for Covid to show up now. Are you vaccinated? My husband and I are both fully vaccinated and boosted.

[Gardner-NY in reply to Jamok]

Thanks for your caring spirit Jamok. Sounds like you guys are doing similar things we are doing in isolating. WE have no family where we live. Ours is over 16 hr drive away. Tomorrow is the 4 yr anniv my spouse got his transplant and for 14 mos after he came home almost , he had a variety of serious problems with transplant preventing us from allowing anyone in our home or we in theirs and His energy was zapped . He is retired and I worked full time then, but just went to work and came home and ran the errands he could not do and removed the snow for hours since he could not. THen covid19 arrived, so for us we've been living isolated and severely so for 4 yrs. WE have always kept all our vaccines/boosters current on covid and other types too. WE are both retired military and used to vaccinations and being apart alot on deployments. I retired from my univ job in 3/2022 and glad I did b/c the covid protections were going away that month though I was working very isolated in a far off office foreign to me away from my colleagues. Our last vacation was Oct 2018 and last for movies out, restaurants, museums and so on including time with friends. His 2 nephrologists are poor at explaining details that I ask for at the visits I could attend in person about what changes can we do and they just say "keep doing what you are doing already with isolation". THey were also anti Evushield when it used to work due to not enough research and they were concerned about rejection and my spouse had that happen at the 2 month mark and recovered. I miss sewing with my friends for hours in their home or mine or at a quilt retreat OR attending a quilt meeting . I miss my monthly massages with the person who has been doing them over 20 yrs. I do see friends outside when weather allows and they are available but this summer the 2 retired close by friends spent all their time with their families knowing they were leaving me 'out'. My first life depression worsened this su mmer due to these

. I'm a big extrovert and my spouse an introvert, but this isolation is affecting him in a big way and our 45 yr marriage. We already dealt with cancer when he was 30 and he had chemo often for 9 mos but this experience with this new organ has been the most challenging. When covid was not in the situation , the meds he takes causes him alot of negative side effects and the meds were altered often the first 14 mos to get things straight. Now his blood labs are good, but how he feels being on the many meds Plus more insulin shots a day has resulted in him feeling worse than before the transplant. He had PKD. His gfr was 13 when he went into surgery for the organ and never on dialysis. OUr county is often high positive. We feel so trapped and stuck and not able to "live" our lives on our terms in a small way. We are talking about taking baby steps in January when holidays are gone to do a few "NORMAL" things again. ITs exhausting to live this way for us both. I wish you all the best and your husband too. Big hugs,

[Jamok]

Big hugs to you as well! I understand what you are going through completely! The nephrologist who is doing research on my genetic kidney disease would prefer complete isolation but said if a family event is really important to you then all should test and agree not to come if feeling sick. Perhaps your quilting club would test for you and if you wear a mask and keep distance it would be ok to go or they could FaceTime with you? Maybe you could go see family and then isolate and test when you come home? A16 hour drive is doable. Our drive was about 12 hours and we split it up into two days wearing masks in common areas of the hotels and using alcohol wipes to sanitize the room. We stayed healthy! I’m sure family would isolate and then test to be safe around you.

Some times you have to take some calculated risks to balance out your emotional well being.

[Cabrilla]

I am surprised that you are being expected to maintain such isolation. I work in medicine and get exposed to a lot of germs at work (tuberculosis and COVID are common). I haven’t had a transplant yet but I’m told that post transplant I can return to work and wear an N-95 mask while doing patient care. Maybe they didn’t feel they could require that I leave my profession, or perhaps my transplant program has a more liberal view of infection risk. Perhaps your partner has other conditions that merit extra caution. But I don’t think anyone should have to compromise their mental health for their physical health. Perhaps there is a patient advocate who can help you communicate with the team to negotiate for some low risk social activities.

[MToQ]

Perhaps you could adopt a dog? Dogs are amazing. They are great companions, will motivate you to go outside for walks maybe a game of fetch and they do wonders for your blood pressure. And in my opinion, your mental health as well. They can be cuddly, "talkative", sensitive to your moods and silly. Some dog antics can keep you in stitches.

[Gardner-NY in reply to MToQ]

Hello MToQ, i already walk in our village most days for an hour even when it is 17 degrees or 90 degrees for the past 4 yrs. WE are not dog people, but have always had 3 cats most are 20 yrs old and last year had to euthanize 2 of them and now have one that is 20 still and keeps us enjoying her company. THanks for your input. WE live in a place it is 7 mos of winter and training a dog to 'potty' would be a pain if I even wanted a dog but never in life have. I have in the past walked friends dogs 2X a day and learned from that experience I am not a dog owner but more a dog owner. OUr risks in life with covid are just different than most and its a very personal choice. I wish you well.

[MToQ in reply to Gardner-NY]

That's great that you are getting outside and walking even in the cold. I wish I was that motivated. I get it about not being a dog person but cats are great, too and can offer the same benefits. I am actually in a similar position. Except, I am the recipient. I was 100 % sensitized when I received my transplant 4.5 years ago and am super immunocompromised. And did PD dialysis prior. I am vaccinated to the max and 2x Evusheld. I didn't make any antibodies with the vaccinations and barely with Evusheld. I have an idea what you are going thru. It is rough.

Because of me, my family needs to be super cautious as well. I have an 8 yr old that I only sent back to in person school this academic year. Unlike you, the rest of my family are not that supportive and it has been a struggle since I started dialysis with diet and hygiene. The first year covid until the vaccines came out were actually a relief in some ways. Obviously, not covid but because everyone else's life was now in jeopardy and we all had to take the same precautions. I no longer had to ask to step up hand hygiene a d everyone wore a mask. We social distanced.

Now with everything opening back up, family and friends all vaccinated and I still need to be careful...I feel like I am back ar square one. I really dislike policing my family and friends. I hate getting the eye rolls and people thinking I am crazy and a hypochondriac. The friends a d family that have gotten covid were all like it's just a cold. Not that big of a deal. As you know, for people like your husband and myself, it is a big deal. It's a roll of the duce whether or not we will end up hospitalized and die. Nit really a game I want to play yet a d am often a forced participant.

My son is amazing and I love that I am alive to be able to raise him and be a part of his life. We are very close. Fir him, I often take risks I am not 100% comfortable with but I know he is worth it.

My story is long and I am happy to share more if you like another time. But mommy duties are calling.

I wish you well, sending you positive thoughts and hope you have a better weekend.