Pregnant again!!

[NowWhat_]

Hello everyone, I am looking for ladies who have been or are in a similar situation, for some advice. I have an older child (primary school) and Mat leave has not long finished for 2nd child but I decided to take another year off work... yesterday it dawned on me I was 3 days late for my period yet I'd had cramps for a few days which is odd for me as usually it's a day of cramps then BAM.. period! My partner pointed out that I wasn't biting his head off like I normally would have been when approaching my period... so we took a test.... well 4 actually! All positive. Clear blue says 2-3 weeks pregnant. Our recent child is only 11 months and I'm still breastfeeding him! We were completely shocked. We obviously know the ins and outs of sex and babies... but we honestly just weren't expecting this! We are now full of mixed feelings. We want the time to fully appreciate our young baby/toddler, we were planning on moving house, I don't have any support where we currently live... etc etc. On the flip side, we would love another baby. Always knew we wanted more. But not like this. However, it's so hard knowing what to do, because this baby isn't unwanted, it's just all of our circumstances are currently unwanted and wouldn't make for a steady footing. Please help! Thank you in advance. Also - I am aware that lots of people are struggling to conceive so may find our predicament insulting, I apologise and I completely get it. Also, I am usually the 1st to preach about prevention being better than cure... but what with breast feeding and my usual lack of sex life (thanks kids!) I just didn't think this would happen!

[roxannacar]

Well you are the only one who can make this decision as you're the one who has to live with it. Has you spoken to your partner about it?

Breastfeeding is only effective contraception under 6 months of age (if not getting periods and exclusively breast feeding) after 6 months once baby is weaned it is no longer reliable.

I'm pregnant with my second one (first will be 23months when second is born) and part of me thinks maybe I should have waited partly cause of guilt towards first and partly as first has become a handful past month ... Welcome terrible 2s! But we wanted them to be close in age so they can grow together. But will let you know In October if I loose my mind or not!

[NowWhat_ in reply to roxannacar]

My partner is still shocked about it and can't think clearly. I think he's gone in to panic mode. He is very paternal and loves the idea of more, but also agrees that our circumstances must change first. I feel very silly for allowing us to get in this position!

[NowWhat_ in reply to roxannacar]

Oh and congratulations! I have two at the moment and I was so worried about the second coming along. Although mine have a large gap, the new baby just fit right in.

[Mum-of-three-to-be]

I was in this position too and utterly get it. A friend told me at the time that a new life is surely more important than a house or a property or an extra room or garage. It is just that we live in this society with this ideas and try to fit it. In most parts of the world people are very poor and still have kids. If they had to wait until things get better they would be now extinct nations.

Def. Hold on to it. If your body managed to get pregnant some conditions were obviously right.

All the best.

[NowWhat_ in reply to Mum-of-three-to-be]

Thank you Mum of three to be! I live away from all of my family and friends and my partner and I decided we would make the move to the other side of the country so we could be close again just after our last baby was born, as I really struggle being away from them. Anyway, the plan was to do up the house we are currently living in, sell up, then make the move so I would have that support network again... but obviously now we have this surprise so moving can't be on the cards for some time. Yet if I have the baby where we currently are, I am very isolated and alone. I don't want to make life harder for the two children we already have and I don't want to put extra strain on my partner who is currently the only earner. I just wish we had been more sensible! But on the flipside, I don't think I would have it in me to terminate a pregnancy. This baby would certainly not be unwanted. Just untimely! I'm at a real war with myself with what is right and what is wrong at the moment but I know time is pretty sensitive in these situations.

[roxannacar in reply to NowWhat_]

Maybe consider moving sooner rather than later. Moving whilst pregnant is tiring but easier than once the baby comes around.

[Baby24 in reply to roxannacar]

I agree I just moved apartment around a month ago when I was around 32 weeks pregnant!! You mention that you have a big support network of family and friends there I'm sure they would help you settle in!

[Lisa7675 in reply to NowWhat_]

Only you and your husband can decide what's right for you. I have three boys of 15,14 and 6 from my previous marriage and live in Surrey, all my family are in Scotland. My partner and I lost a baby in March at 4 months and we were devastated. We are pregnant again, 7 weeks. We are about to move house and like you have no support. His family are in Scotland too. We talk a lot about how much of a juggle it is and the expense of childcare just to go to work let alone do anything else. But the joys the baby will bring far outweigh any of the stresses. It'll be hard moving and not having family to hand to help with the baby but I always think I'm giving my children siblings and as they get older and get married and have kids, that family is getting bigger and they all have each other. That's so worth it. There's always a way to manage things. And things come so much more naturally with each baby. I hope everything works out for you whatever decision you make. X

[NowWhat_ in reply to Lisa7675]

I am so sorry for your loss. That is very sad. Congratulations on your current pregnancy, I hope everything goes well. I really do enjoy my children and I adore them. I really cherish every day of bringing them up. But I feel my partner is silently struggling. He says all the right things to reassure me, but as he is the 'bread winner' so to speak and takes care of the outgoings, I am so concerned that we could just be treading water and that as or situation is already not great, another baby right now could cripple us. Financially and emotionally. I am going to speak with a GP tomorrow as this is something I have never come up against. We will get informed from all angles and have a deep think. Thank you all x

[Georgina_D]

Too many women think breast feeding is a contraceptive. It is not. Yes a woman is less likely to become pregnant if she is trying to and breast feeding but it is still possible to conceive.

[NowWhat_ in reply to Georgina_D]

The worst part is, I know this! I just assumed that breastfeeding often, along with hardly having a sex life at the moment, plus thinking I had avoided any ovulation days, coupled with a few other things like medication I am taking etc.. would just make conception virtually impossible! Turns out it was just slightly improbable and myself and my partner will learn from this now whatever the outcome! I should have known this could happen as we fell pregnant within the first month of trying with our last baby! I just can't believe it's happened! I have read about situations like this but never thought I'd be in one!

[Georgina_D]

Only you and your partner can decide what you want to do. You need to contact your GP to get the right support whatever you decide.

On a personal note, if you want maternity pay, you need to have wor ked for 26 weeks I think so you might want to work now for a few monhs plus it will boost your income.

[NowWhat_ in reply to Georgina_D]

Thanks, that's a tricky situation too. I took mat leave which has already ended, boss agreed an unpaid extension so I could raise my child and continue feeding, but now this has happened and I have no child care in place to return, my child may not be ready to leave my side etc... it's all part of the long list of doubts.

[NowWhat_ in reply to Georgina_D]

We will decide what is right I guess. I just don't know what is right at the moment.

[NowWhat_]

Hello all. I thought I'd update you, my partner and I are happily continuing with our pregnancy. We feel it's right and morally that it's the only option we can live with. We know we'll love another baby. It's much sooner than we would have liked, but will be loved and cared for all the same. X

[Davies2807]

Congrats on your new baby I know it's 1 year on but hope all worked out for you. I waited 16 years to have a baby now I have a boy aged 5 and a girl 3 and half and like you I spent hours crying about what to do because the day I found out I was pregnant with my daughter my sister's 2 children came to live with us too aged 10 and 7xxx so hope all worked out for you because I wouldn't have life any other way now