Hi, just wondering if any of you ladies have been signed off work with stress?

i'm finding my job (supervisor in a busy restaurant) very stressful at the moment not helping with my manager (a man!!!) having a go at me (not forgetting my risk assessments aren't up to date- i had one in April time- for review in February..!!) im 26+4, but i feel like if i say something to the midwife when i see her at 29 weeks i will feel like a failure.

depression is the last thing i want but i really wanted to work up until i physically couldn't any more but im starting to think i need to give up sooner?

15 Replies

  • I haven't been signed off due to stress, but wether ur manager is a man or not, he has a duty to keep u safe in ur workplace and to keep ur risk assessments up to date! Stress is one of the things they should be looking at in ur risk assessments. U should be able to work up until u see fit. Sorry I'm not much help, but he shouldn't be bullying u! Maybe ask ur midwife for some guidance. Hope everything works out for u x hate hearing about bullies doing things like this!

  • thank you.. hes a very egotistacal (sp?!) arrogant pig so proving him 'wrong' is very difficult coz he has to have the last say!xx

  • Never had the experience of being sign off with stress but being part of the management team at my place I can feel your pain.

    My risk assessment was reviewed the other day but I can't help the feel of it being totally lacking in any detail really.... I know it doesn't have to be the bible to Kirsty's pregnancy but a little more input would probably make me feel a little better about it. There's nothing in there that states that I shouldn't be doing anything, there's no guidelines, I'm confused. With this being first babies, I don't know what I can and can't do, yeh I probably do too much trying to get everything sorted but I just don't know where the line stands.

    I wouldn't feel like a failure, like Jubbly says.... Your manager has a duty of care to ensure you and your baby are 100% safe within your work place. If he isn't doing this then he isn't doing his job properly. I know it can be difficult talking to managers, especially when they are male, but if you could choose one of your angry hormonal days and go in with a list of things you want to say to him, I would definitely take the chance to tell him how you feel and get everything off your chest.

    I find my deputy is much more understanding than my actual manager due to the fact that the deputy has children of his own, making him more understanding of the situation. The manager has to.... He's a little more.... questioning as to why I'm slowing down and not getting things done as fast as what I would normally..... Maybe due to the beach ball that is slowly becoming my body? Lol

    I definitely have a little chat with your midwife, she will never judge you (or shouldn't) and seeing as they deal with us pregnant ladies all day, they understand that so,entires we just need appointments to offload and just search for some answers.

    Stay strong Chucky egg. Xxxxxxxxxxx

  • thank you! yea i find my asisstants are much more understanding but there is only so much they can do- they are both on my side as no one even likes him there!! lol.. but he is arrogant and is never wrong.

    i'm feeling much better after a good cry but it shouldn't have to be like this!!xxxx

  • Very true it shouldn't... Last time I work in a place like that I ended up boiling over and full on spitting my dummy out of the pram and calling the boss a few very choice words along the lines of sauvanistic '*anker'. I don't know how I'd be now I'm growing people....

    Like I said Chucky egg... Midwife and if you're feeling brave on day.... The boss. If you don't feel you can approach him, put in a formal complaint to the higher powers. Make sure you follow the correct processes, otherwise as you well know as supervisor.... It won't get listened to.

    I fact I would definitely send a letter of complaint... Then not only will it be helping you, but all other ladies after yourself.

    Good luck sweetly!

  • Your pregnancy risk assessment should be reviewed as and when the need arises i.e. As your pregnancy progresses and what you are able to do changes as you will need to take more frequent breaks and alter roles for example hosting rather than running food. I am a restaurant manager and this individual sounds unprofessional. I worked all the way through all four of my pregnancies (easier when your in charge I know!) but so have many of my team by being flexible with the roles.

    Are you a chain? If so you can Check your employees handbook in regards to pregnancy. Talk to your manager about how your feeling and point out what's in the handbook. If that doesn't work then contact HR. You will probably need them to file a grievance. I know this is extreme but it works. If you are an independent contact the directors. Nothing scares more than violating a women's pregnancy rights due to potential costs involved!

    Don't let the situation get you down and it is scary confronting bad behaviour but you need to look after yourself and baby. Also keep a daily log of the behaviour as a record. Hope that helps and good luck x

  • thank you for your reply :)

    he is very unprofessional- i told him when i was 7 weeks and didn't get a risk assessment until i was about 13-15 weeks!!! yep we're a chain and they seem 'hot' on risk assessments, sadly our branch manager doesn't seem to care about anything other than making money and staff unhappy, not just me but alll the staff xxx

  • I'm 29+1 weeks and was signed off two weeks ago for the remainder of my pregnancy, due to stress induced hypertension caused by various goings-on at work. I completely acknowledge that I have been extremely lucky with my workplace as they have been very supportive throughout, so my comment is really about speaking to your midwife.

    You must must must tell her! Midwives are a feisty bunch who care deeply about their 'ladies'. Stress during pregnancy can cause problems for you and your baby, don't just accept it. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for little one, that's what I had to tell myself (at first, being signed off was almost more stressful for me than being at work, but I've got over that now as I've come to realise that it's not about me at the moment).

    If you truly feel you cannot speak to your midwife, the other option is a sympathetic GP (particularly as they are the ones who physically have to sign you off, your midwife will be able to advise you and liaise with the GP to arrange sign off if you choose to speak to her not the GP). Most GPs hear the word 'stress' and go into protect mode, especially for those in a more vulnerable state such as being pregnant.

    I really do hope you can get this sorted out soon, for your baby as well as for yourself. Bullying is a horrible thing to be on the receiving end of, and the distress it causes can be so debilitating.

    Good luck with whatever you decide to do! xx

  • thank you for your reply! i too am feeling like if i go to the doctor i am failing! i have the midwife next week so i will say something to her then- im feeling much better today after a good cry but i know when i go in today he'll have a sit down chat with me and probably be put on performance management!! really wish i could tell him to stick his job but unfortunately my fiancé and i are doing shared parental leave so have to stay until at least next October..!!!xxx

  • Excuse me for cutting into this part of the conversation but really?!?!?!?!? Performance management!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    If he does that I will personally come give him a verbal clout for you!

    I know this statement is doing naff all to help but no way would I be standing for that!

    I feel for you princess I really do. I would follow hc27's very wise comment. But I would most definitely get a pen and paper ready!

    Nobody deserves that and especially not a vulnerable pregnant woman! Any good manager would be sitting you down and asking what he should be doing to help, not just disciplining you because of the changes in your life/body/mind/capability.

    Argghhhhh bloody bloody arrogant toss pot!

  • You've every right to go off sick and the midwife shouldn't think you're a failure. My midwife had a right go at me for not going off sick and said it was about time I put myself and baby first. My GP hadn't offered me a sick note so I went back to the GP and got signed off sick for as long as I felt I could but I also took all my holiday for the year before baby came - you acrue holiday throughout your maternity leave - maybe that is an option for you? Luckily my boss was brilliant but I thought taking holiday rather than continuing off sick meant I had more freedom when I was off to do what I liked. I was a high risk of miscarriage and I remember thinking I would rather have no holiday left at the end of my leave and a live baby than loads of holiday and no baby.

    Anyway I do wish you the best of luck.


  • Just wanted to let you know my boss is exactly the same! I am only 6 weeks it's Sunday and the thought of Monday feels me with dreads as I don't know how I will react to his rudeness! I usually walk out of the room have a cry and move on! But how is that healthy for the pregnancy! If I were you I will get sign off for stress Imediately.

  • thank you everyone for your replies :) i had a good cry now feeling positive again- said manager was nice as pie to me yesterday!!! definitely not falling for it!! but no punishment- yet!

    i have my midwife next week so i will mention to her and just see what she thinks.. why are men so arrogant?! (not all men, i know!) but seriously!xxx

  • I work for a local authority, despite many requests from myself my manager never bothered to do a risk assessment for my entire pregnancy and I often go out on site to building sites, farms, remote areas of the countryside. I've been on maternity now for 6 months after baby made an early appearance (5 weeks) and I have heard absolutely nothing at all from my manager, not even a text to ask if we are okay or god forbid say congratulations! My colleagues were very generous with presents and cards so at least I know I'm appreciated by the people that matter to me! I have worked with this man for 12 years and feel very disappointed by him. I'm planning to go back next year part time but am not planning on telling him until the absolute last minute (10 weeks before I'm due back).

    Look after yourself and put your baby first. no job is worth risking yours or your babys health and wellbeing xxxxxxxxxxx

  • Hi, I'm 8 weeks and I work in a restaurant, this is my first pregnancy. I'd just like to say everyone's comments have been really useful! I had no idea about risk assessments that needed to be done. My manager has pretty much left me to it but my direct supervisor has been amazing. I obviously need to have another chat to my manager and get some bits sorted! Cheers ladies! Xx

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