I'm feeling really blue lately. I've been trying to get pregnant for the last 3 years off and on and had no success and it's really starting to get me down. I'm currently loosing weight in the hopes that will improve my chances as I weighed 16st 5lbs and was obese.
My husband seems to have a lower sex drive than myself (we have a 13 year age gap) and although he says he wants a baby, and I believe him, he never seems to want to have sex and when he does its while I'm on my period. I know that he is self conscious and is worried about maintaining his errection and ejaculating too soon. I have tried to reassure him that I love him no matter what and that maybe he should see a doctor if he is worried but he won't go.
Now i feel like his lack of confidence is rubbing off on me because I feel like there is something wrong me because he doesn't want sex and I can't seem to get pregnant.
To top it all off a family friend of mine just had a baby. She is 5 years younger than me and seemed to get pregnant with ease in fact I'm not sure she was I think it may have been an oops moment. So I'm feeling pretty useless at the moment and finding it really hard as everyone around me seems to have babies and I don't.
I realise it sounds really self centred and I'm trying to do thing to distract myself and make myself feel good about me but it's hard esepcially when my period comes around every month and it's like a giant reminder that I've failed. I have a big hang up about failure as I had depression back in 2008 when j got stressed and ended up dropping out of a teaching course because I was failing. Being a teacher was one of my big life goals and it took a lot out of me when I had to rethink what I wanted to do. I'm not sure I can hack not being able to achieve my other goal whixh was to be a mum.