Support from my Other half

A recently found out im 9 weeks pregnant and made the choice to keep but my OH didn't want to as were still reasonably young and don't have lodes of money so I feel like I don't have any support and I dont know what im ment to do I want him to be happy woth me but I feel like im on my own in it all at the moment. it will get better I hope but untill then im at a lose and it's really stressing me out. Has anyone had any similar reactions?

7 Replies

  • Hi! I can't really relate to your partner being un supportive, however I wanted to say age or money, in my opinion shouldn't matter. I've known 17 year olds make better parents than those in their 30s. Babies and children simply need love and attention. Weather that's from a couple or a signal parent. And as for money, you don't need a £1000 buggy like you see on tv and in magazines. You do what you can with what you have got and get babies things as and when you need them. There are fantastic items on eBay and gumtree in near perfect condition for next to nothing. Buying expensive products does nit make you a better patent or make your baby happier than anyone else's! :)

    As for your partner, he must still be in shock with it being un planned. Perhaps after time and maybe once he has seenthe scan he will come round. It's a lot to take in. But if you do find he is still unhappy with the situation then as harsh as it sounds you should really take time to think about your relationship.

    Do you have supportive family or friends you can go to in the meantime?


  • Even after being with my oh for 11 years he was furious that I got MYSELF pregnant! Lots of arguments in those first few weeks, and it was awful not being able to get excited about it all with him :( however, not keeping our baby was never an option for either of us- he has always shown a strong view against it.

    He has eventually come round to the idea of being a daddy- and I can now at least talk to him about things, he has been to scans and even the odd midwife appointment when he's been off work.

    It's early days for you both yet, give him time- it's a lot for anyone to get their head round, no matter how old you are


  • Hey congrats. My boyfriend never expressed an excitement about having a baby and yes when we found out he was a bit wary and worried about money but I said unless we r millionaires then we will always worry bout money. As rach said ur baby just needs love not showered with expensive gifts. Being young doesnt make u a worse parent or better. When we had out scan my boyfriend started to get excited. U will b suprised how much u will recieve in gifts but get stuff second hand. I got clothes, my nursery furniture, baby bath all second hand. It will work out..yes it will b tough at times but theres plenty of support here xx

  • Now my boyfriend wouldn't be without our son xx

  • First of all, congratulations! I can completely relate to the money thing - I have an unpaid job and was working towards being self employed (when 'qualified', so to speak). My OH is also self employed, but with an extra mouth to feed, we know we'll have to tighten the purse strings a little more. I'm planning on getting as much stuff second hand as possible (with exceptions of the car seat, mattress, etc) and have asked for Mothercare vouchers for my Birthday/Christmas. It might be worth speaking to Citizens Advice, as they can tell you if you're entitled to any benefits? As for the age - remember, it's just a number, as Rachgibson said!

    Regarding your other half - if you've both only just found out, it might be a shock for him that he needs to get his head around. When I told my partner, he seemed wayyyyy too calm. Then went out to a gig. For the rest of the week he would have a quick 'detour' to the pub on the way home from work, for a swift pint! I can understand him doing so though, he just needed some time and space to think about the news and it also gave me some time to take it in, too.

    Please, try not to stress out, I would suggest give him time and don't pressure him to talk, unless he wants to X

  • Hi. I know how you're feeling and can completely relate. I found out at 6 weeks and my partner wanted to have an abortion. We discussed our options but I couldnt go through with it. We're now 16 weeks and I havent changed my mind and nor has he. Its very very difficult. He is a wonderful person and is struggling with the decision I've made. I also feel guilty every day for what he now has to do unwillingly. He is trying to support my decision as best he can but he cant change his feelings and cant get excited. It makes us both very sad that the other one is unhappy. He comes to appointments but the things that make me smile make him sad, which in turn make me sad and him in tow. Its very difficult for us both. He will make the most wonderful father and as soon as our baby comes we both know he will fall in love, but until then he's finding it impossible to feel happy and I'm feeling very lonely and we're both struggling. We find that the best way forward is to understand and accept how the other is feeling. We argued a lot at the beginning but now we know its okay for the other to be having the thoughts and emotions we are and we are doing our very best to support each other. We're talking and making sure that we're clear about our feelings (even though that can be painful for us both at times) and we're taking each day as it comes.

    I hope your partner comes round and can share your excitement but I wanted to tell you that if he doesnt, then thats okay too. It'll be harder and most likely not how you imagined this time. My advice would be to try and accept and understand each other and remember that the best thing you can do for each other is to support the others feelings and not to hold back with your own. It pains me to see him sad and its difficult for him to see me excited but most importantly we are both trying to consider the other in whatever we do.

    And we are getting through it. And we are closer than ever. I know first hand how hard this is and am going through it with you. Please feel free to message me privately whenever you feel you are struggling and I will always be happy to listen. It gets a bit better, I promise xxx

  • I can completely understand how you feel. When i got pregnant it was unplanned but id never have an abortion. He did suggest it but i couldn't do that. We haven't much money but j knew we'd manage. My partner was awful. Didn't support me one bit. I felt totally alone. Even when i had my scans he didn't get any better. We argued alot and i nearly left him. It got to a point where he had to decide if he could try making an effort Or if he couldn't accept it, we'd go our separate ways. He didn't want to lose us and so he started to try. Bur i have to tell you once the baby arrived, he has totally changed and fallen in love with our baby. He's a changed man!! He wouldn't be without her now. Hopefully when ur baby arrives, his heart will melt. Keep strong. I know it's so hard. Your baby will be worth it. Good luck xx

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