Gender dissapointment

I feel awful even typing this, but has anyone else experienced gender disappointment? We discovered we are having a boy...and even though my gut was telling me it was a boy from the moment I fell pregnant, I still feel slightly disconnected. I come from a family of women, it's all I've ever known. I don't know the first thing about boys, I'm worried I won't have a close bond with him and that he will want to spend more time with his dad as he gets older. Also, when he has a family of his own, so many marriages and partnerships don't work out and grandchildren are taken away by the mother this has happened a lot in recent years to my husbands family.... I know I'm thinking way too far into the future but this is an experience non of my family have had as we are all girls so I can't get any experience from other mothers with boys. I guess I'm just thinking about all the female experiences I had with my 2 sisters and mum, wedding dress shopping, girly shopping trips, just sitting and gossiping and many more. I'm not sad all the time, sometimes I get a rush of excitement and my husband is so happy we are having a boy. I'm just worried that I won't be good enough.


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17 Replies

  • I didn't have the disappointment. I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl. From the start I felt like other was a boy and upon his birth, I discovered I was right! However, please don't be hard on yourself about feeling like this. It's something very out of the ordinary for you and as such you sound like you are just having heightened anxiety about the unknown. I have both a brother and a sister and grew up in a house with lots of kids of both sexes so I don't know how it feels for you, but I can imagine that at times it may feel alien. Try not to worry will love and need his mummy...just because he is a boy, does not mean he won't bond with you as he does his father. Once he is here, you'll probably forget you ever felt this way :-) x

  • Just think when u have ur next one of its a girl them she will be looked after by her big brother u make sure ur family is close. .. ur be standing there freezing cold watching him tear around the football pitch on a sun morn lol and when u look at him really enjoying something ur heart will swell with happiness... my son loves shopping he has his own style and went to school non uniform day in his Jean shorts denim shirt tie and waistcoat and trainers lol and my other boy will say to me mummy u look nice.. so u wait and see and yes its nice to have daughters too... all ur worries will melt away when u hold him in ur arms ...none of us know what the future holds x

  • I know how you feel as I was the same. I was sure we were having a boy and felt so angry with myself when I couldn't be excited like my OH when we found out she was a girl. I found myself putting on a fake smile for weeks when people asked what we were having and if I was excited. I felt so cruel! As it got closer to my due date I suddenly realised it didn't matter and that she was ours no matter what! From then I felt a bond start and even now at 14 weeks I still look at her in amazement! She's my beautiful little girl and I love her more than anything. I wouldn't change her for the world! It'll probably just take time to get used to but you'll be fine! He'll turn your world upside down in the best way possible and you won't care what bits he's got! Don't feel bad don't forget about all those hormones too! I daren't tell my other half at the time but when I did he understood and I felt better for telling him! Sorry for the essay!

  • We first thought we were having a girl and had her name picked out and were calling her by name & talking about what she would be like etc to the point that we thought we had better ask at the scan just incase we would be disappointed at the birth and we were told it was a boy, I was surprised but not disappointed and now he is here I have to say I love him more than I could ever imagine. Yes I had imagined doing girlie things with my little girl but now I think about raising my little boy to be the type of man I can be proud of and having a close relationship with him. I still want a little girl at some stage but now I know she'll have an amazing big brother. Don't beat yourself up for feeling this way, it will go away, your mind is just still processing it all and your hormones & emotions are everywhere x

  • i can understand where ur coming from but when u see tht little man of urs ur heart will melt, i came from a family of women too but hav somehow ended up being sporty so having a boy is going to b great fun. u hav different relationships with each parent, with my dad we watch sport, play sport etc and with my mum we shop and do different things, you can do that with a boy, don't feel u wont b gd enough all u can do is ur best and all ur baby needs is love, if u plan to breast feed the bond u will hav with him will b like no other. x

  • I'll keep this short (if I can) I always thought I wanted a girl from the word go, thought I would be a better mum to a girl after all that's what I am and do all the girlie things. My partner wanted a girl but when it came to the scan I decided we were not going to find out, I did not wish to feel disappointed if that makes sense...a colleague of mine had spoken about her experience and when she found out she was having a boy she cried for 3 days. There was no way I wanted to experience that.

    At no point in my pregnancy did I consider the gender of the baby...all I thought about was...this is our baby and I will wish for a healthy pregnancy & safe delivery and that's exactly what I got. When my baby was delivered and placed on my chest I could not have cared less about gender, I was a mum to a beautiful precious little boy and that's all I cared about. He is so much fun at only 9 weeks and would not want it any other way, I love him to bits, we made him and thats really special besides Mums and boys have a special bond xx (the other positive periods to deal with ;-) )

  • Oh dont worry you will be fine. I have a 4 year old son. He has such a loveing nature he always tells me he loves me and says i look pretty pickes me flowers as gifts .im 14 weeks pregant im not fussed about gender . Im hopeing my second child has his nature. I think boys are more loving mummys boy. As long as baby healthy and my self the main thing x

  • I am also from a family of (4) girls and have only female cousins. My two younger sisters have two girls each but my big sister has 3 boys.

    I have two teenage daughters(!) and have recently had a baby boy which was a pleasant surprise (we didn't know during the pregnancy).I was surprised how happy I was and think I must have been subconsciously hoping for a boy! I do worry about his future and not knowing how to relate to a boy, but so far I am getting on fine and loving buying all the cute boy clothes :-)

  • I always thought I wanted a girl and was very open about wanting a girl before we found out. When we were told we were having a boy, I was just to happy to see my baby growing and developing perfectly, what was between his legs just didn't matter!! :) I have 1 sister, and a very close relationship with mum, we would go shopping, walking, out for lunch/tea etc before I left home. My sister would rather lock herself in her room and watch tv or play on her computer games! She would rather stick pins in her eyes than go shopping!! And we were brought up exactly the same, only 15 months between us. So what I'm trying to say is just because you are having a girl, doesn't mean to say she will enjoy shopping etc.

    I love Hugo more than I thought was possible. I hope in the need future he will have a baby sister,but if I happen to be a "boy carrier" then I'd be just as happy with another little man!!

    Boys clothes are so much better now. You can get the most gorgeous little outfits! :)

    Most of my friends have boys, when I announced we were having a boy, at least 2 of them said "no matter what happens, boys will ALWAYS love their mummy!" :)

    If you are still feeling upset, try do something to get you excited! Look for ideas for his nursery or go shopping for a little outfit? Someone got us a baby grow that's all colourful and stripey, and across the front it says "I love my Mummy she is cool" cry every time he wears it!! Lol


  • Don't worry - you'll come to the point where you are looking forward to your boy. I have a boy too, and friends who have both say the boys tend to behave much more lovingly towards their mothers than the girls. As for the shopping trips: sure, you'll not shop for A bridal dress, but my husband took his mum for advice when he chose my engagement ring (which is really beautiful, btw). So there is loads to look forward to ;)

  • I was disappointed when I was told my now 13 wk old was a girl ! Right up till she was here i was still holding out hope she would actually b a boy ! At the point she was delivered I wouldn't swap her 4 and neither would her 3 yo brother who very much wanted a baby brother , he was telling everyone b4 scan it was a boy cos the doc told him : 0 , as my pregnancy was so different I knew it was gona b a girl .

    Im surrounded by boys ,have an older and younger brother , babysat boys when I was younger , never changed a girls nappy till now and it still strange 4 me .

    In reguards 2 close relationship later in life my mum is 1 of 4 girls and very dissociated with her mum she was unbelievable close 2 her dad ( sadly lossed last year ) nanna only now is particular close with 1 daughter . My brothers son is closer 2 my mum than his own parents , they r his parents but both work full time ! There is now 2 grandsons & 3 granddaughters and nephew 1 has a special place in her heart .

    Just cos it's a girl wouldn't mean u will b close , same as if it's a boy doesn't mean distance .

    All will b forgiven when u see him 4 the 1st time & being a boy surrounded by girls will probably b spoilt rotten with love .

    P.s I still look at baby boy clothes b4 girls and get sad ( I don't intend on having any more babies ) but I'm looking forward 2 her being bigger and getting girls toys : )

  • I was convinced we were having a girl from the start. Two weeks before the scan our friends (who have 2 boys) were saying 'boys are best' blah blah...and I started to think 'Oh! What if it IS a boy!' and over the next 2 weeks I went from wondering what it would be like to have a boy, to thinking it would be nice to have a boy, to hoping it WAS a boy. Husband had been talking about watching the cricket and going to the park to play ball etc etc.

    Scan said girl. I cried all evening.

    And I felt so guilty for feeling upset.

    Husband had no idea this was all going on in my head.

    I, like you, worried about not being good enough. I thought a boy would be 'easier' somehow...I had an eating disorder in my teens and a very dysfunctional relationship with my Mother and even all these years later I suddenly became anxious that history would repeat itself and I would make all of those same mistakes that my Mum did with me, and I didn't want to pass on a bad body image to my baby :(

    Eventually, at bedtime (always a good time to blurt out how you're feeling to provoke an in depth discussion as both parties are tired ! ...but this is my way ;) I asked husband if he was 'ok about it being a girl' ? He was completely shocked. He didn't see it that way at all and was just so excited to become a Daddy he just wanted a healthy baby. And was chuffed to bits that we were having a little girl xx And I immediately felt relieved.

    I'm now 34 weeks and I look back at this day and see how differently I feel about it all now...I am so excited about having a little girl and I cant wait to meet her :)

  • Dont be disappointed hun all babies are miracles :-) that love when you hold them for the first time is unbelievable! You will wonder what all the fuss was about xx boys are lovely trust me I have two! Xx

  • Try to Focus on the positives - a) you are gong to have a gorgeous baby boy and b) I assume he is fighting fit and that the 20 week scan was clear. No matter what the sex, your baby will turn your world upside-down in the best possible way.

  • I had a girl and then wanted another. wasn't too impressed when a little boy came out. Well within days we were in love and he is the light of my life. he is so sweet and loving and kind and funny - he is so delicious I could eat him up. He has opened my life up to boy stuff - cars and trains and rugby etc and you know what? its all brilliant fun. (I obviously think my girl is brilliant too but she's definitely not as free with the love and cuddles!!)

  • I know what you mean I wanted a girl badly as well and I've got a little girl but don't worry once your baby is in your arms you will fall in love with them no matter what gender they are.x

  • You may think this now but believe me girls are hard work! I have one of each and my third was a boy I was over the moon. I wouldn't worry when baby arrives you,ll be overwhelmed with joy. Xx

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