Bit of a rant and no its not about men

Hope u r all doing my son finley is 10 weeks old today. .everything is great. .this site has been a great help when needed but (bit of a rant coming) just recently I feel some people hav taken the "I know everything" attitude which in some situations is highly unecessary and quite irritating to b honest. .there are many women on this site from the first timers like me to those with 4+ babies who I am sure appreciates advice as much as me and also hav more to giv...I like to give advice and also like to recieve and the way u bring ur children up will of course be much different to the next person but just because something hasnt happened to ur baby doesn't mean it wont happen to someone elses at an early stage so making someone question themselves because it didnt happen to you isnt really fair and the people doing it are first timers like me so not sure what they are comparing too. Us women shud stick together not play the I am better than u game or what I do/use is better than u as this job is hard enough without being told that something you do is rubbish and should do it the way I do because it is not always the case...right rant over. ..have a lovely day :)

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53 Replies

  • Hi Ceribean! I'm also a first time Mum so like you I have sought advice and guidance from Mums on here both whilst pregnant and post pregnancy.

    I think it's important to share experiences and knowledge with others and I have been reassured many times as a result.

    However, I agree with you that every little baby and every single Mummy is different and will find there own way with a bit of guidance and TLC when needed!xxxxx

  • Hey. I know what you mean.....child rearing seems to become some sort of competition! It can really bring out the snob in people!! Lol. I like to give advice based on my own experience or opinion and will definitely let it be known that's where it's coming from. I won't proclaim to know the exact thing to really isn't that black and white. Every baby, mum, household, area, etc is different. What is good for one may not be for another :-) xx

  • I agree too!! I often sit debating if I should respond to posts and questions or not! X

  • Couldn't agree more! I also find myself debating whether to respond on not to posts as i don't want to argue with people over parenting, I simply like to be able to offer my own experiences and hopefully that will help somebody out there xx

  • glad u girls agree, I know I am not perfect and I know I don't know everything but I don't pretend to be or tell people they shud use this or that or do this or tht. I don't need to bathe my son in liquid gold or give him the most expensive toys to prove I love him, if u want to do tht, go ahead but don't preach what u do is the best way..thts all x

  • I just don't like the know it all attitude, the "your opinion is wrong", "I know better than you" "I'm better than you" responses that seem to be becoming more and more frequent!! X

  • definitely, although some of the things they say sometimes I question.. unfortunately these people cant help themselves and obviously need to preach about their expert knowledge when most of us r all in same boat on an unknown journey x

  • I'm not sure I've found posts to be preaching and I don't think it's a question if how much we love our babies - clearly we all do or we wouldn't be on here.

    Everyone will have different ideas, experiences and knowledge and sometimes we might agree or disagree - that's the whole point of the forum?

    Tone can be misinterpreted though so I think use of smilies (if you can) or xxxx is good - for some reason my smiley won't add but I'm definitely intending a smile!xx

  • Don't never intended a smiley there ;-) lol x

  • What can I say...I'm a lover not a fighter!xx

  • If this is in anyway linked to the Johnson's thing, a) I have no idea how that became 'my fault' - months ago I posted that my HV had said it's a product being seen more and more as a no-no (at my LOs 8 week check his GP commented 'you can tell he's not a Johnson's baby - beautiful skin'!) These are professionals who see problem skin day in day out. That's all. I don't use it because I react to it (something I didn't post as that us really anecdotal with n=1!)

    And b) get a grip! You are always going to be doing something that other people have a strong, visceral reaction against. Comments made by mums are experiential and will often be at odds to what you are doing yourself. Often comments made are not supposed to cause offence (unless followed up with snide 'we're not all made if money' type comments - they clearly cross the line and are posted to insult! I would happily sell a kidney if the money would solve a problem involving my LO!)

    Last week I put my foot in it with friends. We got into the topic of baby rice and whether we were planning in using it. One if the group had started using it, but hadn't mentioned she was at this point. I said we wouldn't be using it because of the concerns regarding arsenic content, variable amounts from the same sample tested and no consensus on max safe levels in babies, or the potential health effecrs on childhood exposure in adults. NHS Evidence identifies it as an important area where more research is needed (which prompts the remark 'then bloody research it). All nice and factual. She got very defensive and a little angry, which is understandable as she was completely unaware of the issue. But she did massively over react! There are other options, and it's a simple decision: carry on with baby rice or switch to something else. No need for a breakdown!

    Child rearing is a minefield! You have to do what's right for you at that time and not worry yourself about what others do - if you do, then you're the one making it a competition.

  • Wow...calm down

  • excuse me!? no it wasn't about the johnsons thing but if the boot fits...

    theres means and ways of talking to people and telling me to get a grip isn't really the way. I am not making it a competition..far from it, trust me what I have said in my post, I am not the only one who thinks this site is becoming a 'I know best' from various people, there are some girls tht even want to leave.

    you have made some snidey comments in ur time on here so don't start with that!

  • Hi Ceri,

    Believe it or not ive just had a chance to read this post you posted properly & I'd just like to add this opinion.

    In my view you'll most likely find the mothers "or women" who feel the need to pass snide or sarcastic comments about parenting or caring for babies are the ones who will be prone to suffer when their child becomes ill or etc....

    As they are most likely nervous wrecks :-)

    As you may know by now ive just had my 2nd child & If its any consultation my Lil one is 2wks old today & im always learning & discovering new things about the best way I can care & nurture my children in my way as im their mother & no one else knows my babies better than me ;-)

  • I've never heard anything about arsenic in baby rice! I have been giving it to Hugo since he was 4 months after discussing it with a family friend who is a senior midwife and nothing was mentioned! I don't understand how when a bit of poxy horse meat was found in a few cheapo burgers, all hell broke loose and products were pulled off shelves and tested left right and centre, yet I've never come across this?! (I watch the news about 5 times a day and read various papers online) how us that right? Or is this important information only disclosed to a select few!

  • Oh the horse meat thing made me laugh! I'd forgotten about that debacle! Yes it's a bit skanky and definitely wrong not to disclose what is being used in a product but horse meat is still animal meat at the end of the day. If you eat meat, you can't really think you're gona instantly die from it!! Lol. It's not like they were grinding up our grannies to beef up the burgers lol

  • I'd eat horse meat any day! It's just like a cow!!

  • Haha...I admit I don't have a longing to eat black beauty but I wouldn't have any right as a meat eater to think that's more cruel or disgusting than eating a cow or a little lamb or a chicken x

  • we hav probli been eating it for yrs lol x

  • Exactly!! French eat horse all the time, Chinese eat dogs and cat's!! Could be worse things!! Although I can't say I'd ever buy never mind eat cheap frozen burgers!!! I can't get my head round arsenic supposedly being in baby rice and it being on every shop shelf in the country and we don't know about it, yet that wad front page news for months!!

  • I came across it on a message board while reading up on weaning during a 4am feed - thought 'that has to be a load of crap!' but was gobsmacked to find it wasn't!

    Don't underestimate the power big multinationals have in Government policy makers :-(

  • Well I don't know what to do with this! Hugo loves the stuff ans since having it, sleeps 7pm to 7am

  • It's a huge mine field. We did the NCT weaning course last week, and the lady running it had prepared arborio rice as an alternative to baby rice - given Arborio grows in areas without high levels of naturally occurring arsenic, it might be an alternative if you are worried? We're lucky in that evening formula then boob too up is still keeping my LO happy, but think I will try arborio if we need something more to help him zzzz X

  • Really glad you mentioned this! I had no idea. Have been using baby rice to 'bulk out' fruit for dessert but will promptly change that! I had a conversation with a dietician lady week who wouldn't believe me that soya was in first milk formula (my lo had a soya intolerance so trying to wean him onto formula was proving difficult). In the end she went away to read a label and came back to apologise, saying that under 6 months shouldn't have soya!!! So I'm Definately with you that the government turn a blind eye to a lot of things, including the amount of unnecessary sugar added to baby and children's food!!! And don't feel bad for having an opinion, I am glad you are on here and at hand to help give quick medical advice if nothing else. You've certainly eased my mind on several occasions :) xx

  • Apparently one of the two big vitamin drop brands contains peanut oil too! Can't remember which of the two so shall look it up when I have two hands back! That's not too much of a biggy for us - I was unable to give up peanuts during pregnancy, but certainly is for some...

  • Wow, I had no idea there was anything concerning about baby rice! I used to pump it into my hungry boy when we were weaning! Out if interest for when the time comes with baby #2, how did she prepare the arborio rice? Just boil it and mush it up a bit? I've only ever made risotto with it and don't fancy 30 minutes of stirring before each feed. ;-) x

  • Haha @ baby risotto! Yes, she boiled it to softness then mushed it. Said you could make it up with booby juice or formula is you wanted something sweeter, add some butter for the calcium and fat if bubba drops a little weight.

    I've not done an NCT course before (stupidly put job first antenatally, early days course too expensive on mat leave), and though the weaning course was great! I didn't learn much new, but it really hammered home the breast/formula is their Calorie source til 12 months, and food is not as important and should be fun! Quite looking forward to weaning now :-)

  • Just been having a read up, there is a lot of info on arsenic levels being high in organic products and those that use Brown rice syrup...

  • Just read this post and replies and I am ashamed to admit this but it kind of cheered me up. My son has just turned 5 months old and he is one early riser so I've been feeling a bit close to the edge of reason lately and my already short fuse is practically non-existent. I really don't want to belittle the debate going on here but right now I feel like I'm not the only one feeling exhausted, stressed and emotional at the moment. X

  • Good call!!! A forum full of hormonal women (me included) is surely a recipe for disaster!!!xxx

  • lol I find it funny too, it wasn't meant to turn into a battle, just an opinion from myself that people have taken one way or another, x

  • OMG are we all in one today or what?! Thought was just me but must be the weather! lol. Think sometimes advice can be taken in the wrong tone of voice/text but have to say was feeling quite vulnerable over weekend as little one was very unwell, did not know what to do, but didn't ask opinion like normally would have because of the way seen some of the answers becoming lately and the way out I was wouldn't have coped well with a 'you should have done this' response. Anyways hope everyone feels they've had a good vent, now to attempt to get a cup of tea... sure johns ears are tuned to 'mummy not looking at me' at the moment x

  • at work they have took us through a course to try and understand how people are best given information and how certain types of people are likely to act/behave according to their mentality type. It uses the elements to show us the different personas. In my own opinion, this may be the case here, clashing of the elements.

    It may be considered psychobabble but I, personally, am a little bit convinced. I'll outline them:

    Earth people - very blunt, direct and to the point. Believe their approach is best and very difficult to change their opinions.

    Air people - very structured. They like to have all the info and like to give answers in great detail (this is my category, can ya tell :P).

    Fire people - very easily distracted, love to come up with new ideas, innovative.

    Water people - very in tune with evryones feelings, hate to cause upset, will really think about responses to anything before proceeding and will analyse them to try to ensure noone gets hurt.

    Using this, I'm sure we can see that it is hard to bend to everyones ideal and coming across in the wrong manner to some is inevitable. That is the problem with the internet as you cannot protray tone of voice and body language (as many of the ladies have already stated).

    If any of my posts on here has been taken wrongly, I am very very sorry. it was never intentional and will only use experiences to show my own angle on events but advice can either be taken or left as none of us have the right answers to anything.

    I really hope your rant makes us all look at our posts and question how we put across what we want to say. I am sure the last thing any member on here wants to do is cause upset and feelings of judgement xxxx

  • How are you supposed to know which type of person you are? I can pick characteristics out of more than one that apply to me

  • yeh snap, I am very direct and blunt but also easily distracted x

  • Yh...I wana know how it works....I'm guessing there must be some form of criteria that assigns you to each type

  • I'm's my way or the high way! Deal with it lol ;-p x

  • lol! xx

  • hey girls, the main aspect to this is that it takes all the elements to make a whole person but each element will be in varying degrees. I am a very high air, with earth and water being level as my next highest and fire as my least. You should be able to see alot of each element in you but 1 will be ur dominant.

    I'll try and get a website that describes it better than me and post it here :) xxx

  • Ah ok! I get it now

  • Blimey Charlie, I have a few days off site and all hell breaks loose. There is much truth here, I have not found the site as accommodating as it was a months back and a few 'newbies' in particular wind me up with their 'know it all' approach and the essays that tell you how to do it right.

    The last thing I want from this site is to feel like I am doubting my own abilities as a mother, for us 1st timers in a vertical climb and we are 'pretty' much running on instinct with a little help from the forum that has brought us all together.

    I have found the site provided me with much support during my pregnancy and a few individuals (who know who they are) in particular made those last few weeks bearable when we were all on our bouncing balls drinking Raspberry leaf tea.

    I don't know....if someone asks a question and I think I can help (in my limited experience) by answering I will and hope not to patronise and I love seeing the posts on new arrival and birth stories. I will be staying for now :-) Xx

  • I'm 110% water!! Was always told I was "wet" lol

  • Lol x

  • What an odd post. I don't understand how you can be offended by people replying to your posts... If I was to post a question I'd be grateful that people had taken time out of their very busy days (we all know how precious time is with a newborn) to attempt to help me.

    We all will have different experiences & different things to share, read different books, been told different things. The idea of a forum is surely to share those opinions & information.

    I've never read a post that I'd consider to be arrogant or self rituous & it is a shame that a few of you are getting offended as I'm sure that was not the intention of the culprits. The "them and us" attitude is not very inviting for newbies and will probably warn newbies off & stop them from posting and sharing and will stop people from getting the help they need. This is not an exclusive club.

    Forums are supposed to be an area to ask questions & receive advice but this forum has clearly turned in to some sort of playground.

    I too am a first time mother to a 12 week old little boy and we've had a lot of problems with the world of breastfeeding, colic, reflux, CMPI, lactase deficiency, sleep, not to mention pregnancy issues & it was nice to think that there was somewhere where I could go if I needed advice/support. I also enjoyed attempting to help people with my experience so far.

    For me this post has ruined the friendly nature of the forum and I won't be joining in anymore. The problem with parenting is that it is very close to all of our hearts & because of that people can be over sensitive & can be offended when no offence is intended. Good luck with your journeys

  • Offended? Who is offended? I am not...I wrote a post and one person maybe took it wrong way. Everyone is different and take things differently. .its a shame u feel the need to leave from a post tht was an observation of mine.

  • It's not about people sharing opinions, it is about those times people have told people they are wrong for doing things, etc. Clearly not everyone feels that way but some do and we aren't all little buddies on here that agree. Those who did agree with the original post did so off their own back and it is how they are they not entitled to a voice? I will help anyone who I feel I can, I will try...even if we've disagreed in the past over an issue. Sharing opinions and experiences is fine, telling someone they are wrong in what they do is not.....unless they've admitted to drip drying their baby upside down after a bath or something lol. Everyone generally gets on and supports each other...that's how people want it to stay. I personally dont need it to be an exclusive club on here, I have people in my life I turn to. I do however enjoy the chat and banter and sharing on here and just don't want to feel concerned about backlash if I say I do something with my bubsy :D x

  • Doesn't everyone drip dry their babies upside down over the bath? I had a line specially installed.

  • Of course! The right way up though.....upside down is just cruel haha!

  • Should these people not be challenged on an individual basis when they make such comments? My concern is that by making posts such as this it makes people feel paranoid & analyse comments they have made. I agree that it is not fair for any of us to pass judgemt on how others choose to take care of their LOs but I don't think this is the right way to go about challenging it...

  • At times the individuals have most probably been challenged....I've done so myself before. Perhaps before it hasn't always worked...I can't speak for ceribean but for myself it hasn't always stopped someone saying such and such is wrong. As far as I can see, no one was gunning for any individuals so people should be able to take on her view without feeling targeted. I personally try to think about how I word stuff and speak only of my experience as I really REALLY do not know everything lol!

  • For the love of God - just apply some common sense both when you read peoples replies to your posts and when you reply to others. Seriously how hard can it be???

  • Yes! Exactly! That is the whole friggin point. Well put, nice and concise. you win! :D

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