I have been caregiving for the spouse of a dear friend for the past month. She has dementia and the spouse is in the hospital. I will be doing this for at least another month, possibly longer depending on how long the patient has to be in the care facility for recovery. I have been reminded that caregiving is unbelievably challenging. I have done it before for my family members, my sponsor who had cancer and passed away, but this is a very different experience.
I have been single now for five years and I have become accustomed to being by myself for much of the day. It is certainly an adjustment to be spending time all day in the company of another person! I’m relearning the necessity of biting my tongue and keeping quiet. Prayers for my friend who had double pneumonia, was in the hospital, then got MRSA and sepsis. Prayers also for me please, as I learn to live 24 hours a day with someone again!
I hope all is well in your world. Kelly
Written by
Amore55
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Praying for you! It’s a good thing to give of yourself; I don’t think you’ll regret it, however you should certainly find a way to have downtime to yourself each day, whatever you have to do to you arrange it. Taking care of self now is important too! Been there, and support for you is imperative! Hugs!
Really I am fortunate to have a good friend like this. And I’m grateful to be able to help. I find that I always get more from it than I give. It’s strange how that happens!
You are a very good friend Amore55 ♥️ You have to remember to take care of yourself as well. Does your friend have services in place to help with their spouse? Hugs. You are in my prayers.
Yes, there is an afternoon healthcare worker who comes in from 2-6 five days a week. I have been working with the social worker for an increase in the hours. They are both veterans which is helpful in getting the care for them. I’m very careful to keep strong boundaries, so that I can practice self care.
Sending you a big hug of comfort and encouragement. You are an amazing friend to your friend.
Giving and caring for others is sometimes the biggest reward we can get. But don't lose yourself! Self-care is also important. I hope you can take a break when needed.
I’m definitely taking time for myself. I make sure that I’m able to do the things that are needed to maintain my peace and quiet and sanity! Taking care of someone who has dementia is very draining. I did it for my mom and my brother. They both passed away from Alzheimer’s. It was just exhausting. I was not so good at self care then. I’m very, very good about it now!
Dealing with someone who has dementia is so hard. When you have to answer the same question over and over.... Definitely am praying for you, them, the situation.
Oh, boy! Yes that is exactly the situation. I explain that I will have a day off for the whole week before. I explain who is coming in to cover for me. Sometimes I tell her 3 times in a day, each day for a week. Then the day before I say tomorrow is my day off. She always says why do you need a day off? 🤭☺️ I gently explain that I need to take care of some things for myself. It’s a three ring circus sometimes. Then there is the showering! She just doesn’t like to shower. I keep a record of the days she showers. I have to show it to her. She thinks I am lying to her! Just need a lot of patience.
I don’t think I knew that your mom had dementia. I am so sorry, it’s unbelievably difficult, isn’t it? When my mom and brother had it at the same time, I was going back and forth between Salt Lake City and Ohio for 6 years. It was something I would never wish on anyone. Then they died within a few months of each other. I didn’t know what to feel. I was relieved, and found it hard to grieve too. I felt as though they had been “gone “ for a long time. Did you experience any of those feelings?
Exactly. When she didn't know me, it was like she was gone already. What really hurt was she was an artist and when I showed her my early button art, she had no clue what she was looking at. I wanted her to be proud of me, but I missed the opportunity.
One thing I have learned over the years is that saying something is not always the best thing to do. Sometimes saying nothing at all is the best thing I can do. But thank you for your kindness.
Please believe me when I say that I’m certainly not an amazing person! 😂 My mom taught me that we should try to serve people and that is why I do things for others. She might be watching me. I certainly hope she would be proud. I sure don’t have a halo, like she did.
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