what's worse ?

[kwhompus]

what is worse, shoveling /snow blowing the driveway or watching your wife do it because you (me) can not. For me it is the later as it is in so many other task

[kdali]

I’m sorry 😞

[kwhompus in reply to kdali]

An all to common theme. Thanks for you're reply

[kdali in reply to kwhompus]

It is, but sometimes there are moments that are extra painful because you didn’t know you couldn’t do that anymore...too.

[twooldcrows]

sorry you can't help but you can have some hot chocolate for her when she is finished or call in some nice dinner for her...she is having fun being outside at least i do ...love to shovel or snow plow it if i would just get enough to do that ...i am still wishing for lots of snow ...love and happiness...

[kwhompus in reply to twooldcrows]

You're right, doing something nice for her may help me feel a little better. Good idea!

[mrsmike9 in reply to twooldcrows]

Excellent idea!!

[jimeka]

It is painful watching someone doing something you can no longer do, it takes great strength, to admit that you can’t do it any more. Before lockdown my friend who is 74 , used to come down and walk my dog Razor for me. It broke my heart as before ms Razor and I used to walk miles. But you have to adjust otherwise you can get very depressed. Like twooldcrows suggest, do something nice for your wife, if you are able, if not try and make a joke of it and make her smile. Blessings Jimeka 🤗

[falalalala in reply to jimeka]

Good advice

[twooldcrows]

oh i hope all is good and works out for the fun of it or for your love of her and the passion of it and having a great day to say you are so glad she is there for you and you really hate that she has to do these things and that you are so glad she is able to ...loads of love and happiness to both of you..ps thank you jimeka for adding my suggestion ...have a great day filled with love and happiness in your heart...

[pamgarner]

my hubby does that too, let, me assure you,women are stronger than you think,i know you all want to take care of us,please remember we want to take care of you too! and if we can't do it we will quit,i promise i have the ms, and i hate asking him for help,i also want to do it myself!

[kwhompus in reply to pamgarner]

I understand they( our spouses)will do any task for us. It is difficult to undo years of self motivation, shut off the switch,if you will. I have came to terms with my plight after 15 years, but I hope I never like someone doing things for me. This is part of what makes us who we are. Being resilient and having some integrity keeps us afloat. Thank you for the booster.

[TonyiaR7]

As all of us get older (whether it is MS, arthritis or something else) we all need to get help. MS is “quasi premature aging” depending on the symptom. Be glad and thankful that you are not alone because you would have to hire someone to do the shoveling for you or pay a friend / neighbor to do the job, unless someone cares about you and volunteers and does it for free.

Your wife loves you and is capable of doing the shoveling or enjoys to do it. I am sure you can do things for her out of love or maybe she can’t do that the task as well as you do. Be happy. Enjoy life. Enjoy your wife. Be thankful that you have a love. And as others suggested, you can do something kind for her. You are a team, a couple in love.

[kwhompus in reply to TonyiaR7]

thanks for reaching out and the words of encouragement.

[TonyiaR7 in reply to kwhompus]

You are welcomed.

[greaterexp]

It's really hard being on the receiving end of things when we are used to being the doers, isn't it? It is a big adjustment, but I really appreciate the suggestions of doing something kind - whatever it is you are able to do and which your wife would take as a sign of appreciation and love.

I told my husband when we married that our marriage would not be "50/50," but "100/100." We'd always give all we can toward the other's happiness and wellbeing, and we wouldn't keep score. He knows I have days when I can't do much, so he has learned to take the reins on certain things. He doesn't cook, but he will go pick up something for dinner, walk the dog, etc. When he recently suffered from a kidney stone and was down for a week, he knew I'd step things up and do all I could to fill in the gaps. Your lovely bride is filling in those gaps right now out of love for you, but I'm sure there are things you can do or say to express your love.

Hang in there. I won't say it gets easier, but we gradually adapt.

[kwhompus in reply to greaterexp]

this is where life gets real and true colors are shown. thanks for your support

[falalalala]

My husband tells me that we signed up for better or worse when we married.

That makes me feel better about doing the Irish jig on the front porch while he's out cutting the grass

Yep, I am that terrible.

If something should happen to him, I'd do everything I can to make things better because.....I love him.