Hello everyone it's Fancy1959 again. I got inspired to write this new post after responding to a post that Jes wrote just a little bit ago.
If anyone in this chat room has ever been treated as less than a whole person simply because your disabled I want you to know you are not alone and you do not have to put up with it. I am one who will stand up for herself and demand that I be treated equal even if I am disabled. My significant other loves to treat me as less than whole and gets mad at me simply because I can't do the things that he can do or do things the exact same way he can do it. I've explained over and over again I don't have the strength to do it that way and it's not going to work but he gets mad at me for not doing it his way. At this point I typically try to explain a second time and when he stays mad that I blow my top. We do not have to put up with this.
We've talked about a lot of intimate things in this chat room but we've never delved into the depths of what I'm speaking of here. If you are comfortable enough to share stories perhaps we can learn strategies and ways to avoid being treated as less than whole from each other. I know each person's circumstances are very unique to them and you are respected for your individuality.
Hopefully, by sharing stories where we use certain strategies in order to be treated as whole people we can learn "respect strategies" from each other that prevents us from having to blow our top all the time, or simply take it. I would personally love to hear other people's ideas but how to prevent being treated badly so I can incorporate them in my day-to-day life to make people see us all as whole individuals.
I look forward to talking to everyone soon. Let's make this very positive thing and let's learn from each other and incorporate strategies in our everyday day lives to make everyone see us as whole individuals and treat us with the respect we deserve!
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Fancy1959
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My wife gets the same way. I try to explain that the things she says are riud and she does not realize that. Seem like once a month we go thru this. I realize she has her own problems too, but needs to stay on the positive side. Like I explain I am slow and do the best I can . I do better when left alone, if it’s not perfect, jump in and help.
Sorry to hear about your less than supportive wife Kenu. I'm always close by to talk just give me a shout on a post. I don't really think they mean to be way they are I just don't understand what it means to have special needs. I know my husband had very poor role models growing up from his parents. I think most of us are products of our environment when we grew up much much more than we would ever understand!
I'm so blessed to have been treated well, but find that I'm my own worst enemy and far worse than anyone else could be. I place expectations on myself that are unrealistic. Anyone else?
You bet ya I do. Just because I used to be able to accomplish tasks several years ago I often push myself to attempt to do them today and it simply isn't possible today. Worse yet, I put myself in jeopardy of getting hurt trying to do to much! 🙁🤕😤
I'm guilty of that. I expect a lot from myself...always have. I've pushed myself constantly to do things that even prior to MS, probably should not have. It's probably from my low self-esteem that I'm always trying to prove that I'm capable. Now that I have MS, it's almost like I can't prove myself to have worth anymore because I can't do it...
Mrsmikr9buffering, it's Fancy1959. Nonsense! You are just as worthy an individual now as before you have ever had MS. Most people, faced with the challenges we are faced with on a daily basis, would simply roll over and give up. We are Fighters. That counts for so so very much. Please do not ever sell yourself short. What you need to do is perhaps find something you can do to help build up your self esteem. Break your challenges down into little pieces. Someone just gave me that advice in this chat room and I love it. Then the challenges won't seem so overwhelming and you won't set yourself up for failure before you even begin. I understand where you're coming from because I was a jock before MS hit. I played Sports, rode horses as much as possible, and loved the outdoors hiking and backpacking whenever the opportunity presented itself! I feel so blessed that a MS didn't really hit me until I was about 53. I had a lot of years to play hard and boy did I store away a lot of memories with my three sons and my husband. I managed to cram more in those 53 years than most people do in their entire lifetime. I'm very blessed and I have to remember that and remind myself of that constantly! Give me a shout ant time and remember you are special!
You are very kind and respond as someone would who does not know me. I've always suffered from poor self esteem. In my youth I was anorexic from my insecurities. (I knew I was super skinny, in spite of what so-called studies say about people thinking they were fat.) I am 6' tall and used to weigh 119 lbs.
I, too, loved camping and hiking. I can still camp when given the opportunity, but no more hiking for me. I just can't walk that long, especially on challenging grounds.
The best thing I have found is my button art. People have wonderful responses to that and I get positive feelings from that. That is the only place I get positive feelings. None from my family. It is just day to day boring life with no highs and definitely lows. I think I need a vacation. The last one was three years ago when I broke my arm (4 places) when I was biking when we were camping and from that experience I learned of my MS. We have not been out since. I need a break from life!
Greaterexp, you bet I do. How can we not when just a few years back we were so much stronger and working full-time and still in control of our entire body. Now it seems as though at least for me my mind is willing but my body is weak and it's so so hard for me to overcome. I feel like I lose the fight if I don't push through and accomplish what I used to be able to do. And I know that is so silly and stupid but it's a hard reality for me to accept.😕
I also try to do things I use to do and get really frustrated when it does happen. Just last week the day after I had my second infusion I dropped my husband off at work and did a few errands. Let me tell you that was a big mistake I paid for that for a couple of days my husband is a good person but of course he said you know you shouldn’t be driving. That just drives me crazy. I can still drive. Just little things I can’t do it is very frustrating I know you all know what I mean.
My wife is wonderful. We have raised four successful children. My wife is always mothering me. She can do things faster and more coordinated than I can. But I can still do a lot of the things she does for me. When she is not here I can survive just fine. We have two children that have moved a considerable distance from us. When she wants a quick trip she flies, flying is hard for me so I would prefer to stay home. She gets mad at me because she wants me there with her. When the weather is good we can take the RV to see them. I think that is good enough. And I do drive the RV and tow our jeep behind it.
Hi RobertCalifornia! I don’t think we’ve met. Welcome. I know what everyone means about trying to do too much, boy do I ever! But if I am having even an okay day, I must try to get things done. I am still trying to accept that I am having more and more days when I can’t walk. So on the days my legs are willing to haul me around , of course I do too much and then pay so dearly for it. But that is part of this disease I guess, trying constantly to find balance. I have always been treated so kindly by strangers, as well as Family thank goodness. Love to all, Kelly
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