I took everyone's advice

[Shelly36]

My soon to be exhusband was just arrested for assault. I am still scared if he gets out. The police took a report and pictures of my bruises. My 5yr old heard me screaming last night and I finally did the right thing. He'll be there for a couple of days and maybe he'll sober up

[jimeka]

Oh Shelly, ms is bad enough without you having to endure abuse, I really feel for you and you 5 year old. Well done 👍 for doing the right thing for you, it took some courage. Stay strong, praying all things turn out in your favour, blessings Jimeka

[Shelly36 in reply to jimeka]

Thank you and thanks for your prayers

[Morllyn]

So sorry you and your child are having to go through that! I hope things will be better now.

[goatgal]

Shelly36 What a terrifying experience! You are right to be frightened. Did the police suggest you get a restraining order, or do you have one already? You must take care of yourself in order to protect your child. So called domestic violence creates traumatic changes similar to PTSD in all who experience it, even when they merely witness it. Please stay in touch with this community and let us know that you are safe. We are with you, we care.

[Shelly36 in reply to goatgal]

They gave me the information for a restraining order. I will call tomorrow.

My girls are better now. They keep looking over my bruises and trying to take care of me:). I wish they didn't have to see this but I'm happy knowing it's me not them.

One day at a time. I know I can do this.

Thank you for your messages. I will keep in touch

[goatgal in reply to Shelly36]

Shelly36 Thank you for letting all of us know that you and the girls are safe. Don't forget that we are here to hold you in the light.

[Midgey_Midge06 in reply to Shelly36]

Doing the right thing is scary and i am proud of u for calling the police. U r setting an example for ur girls that this is not ok.

Saying lots of prayers for u 😘😘🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[SueAB]

Shelly36, you and your girls need to be safe when he gets out of jail. Do you have family or friends near by? Do you have a Victim's Assistance Program or a Safe House in your town? You need to be proactive. Better safe than sorry!

[Shelly36 in reply to SueAB]

I agree with you. My family's here and my brother with be there if I need help. I do have shelters in townfor assistance, the police gave me all that info and I know they will be here if I need them again

[Raingrrl]

Hi Shelly36 ... I'm so sorry that you and your girls are experiencing this. Take extra good care of yourself and try to find ways to minimize the stress. I know it's hard to do in extreme circumstances but stress is our enemy and can cause a flareup.

I want to echo what SueAB said about being proactive. Maybe you know this but there are certain times when a domestic violence victim is more vulnerable to harm than usual. You are on the verge of two of those times: when the abuser gets out of jail and after filing a restraining order. Plan for the worst just in case and hope you never need that plan. We care.

[greaterexp]

Shelly36 , we are all cheering for you as you protect yourself and protect your precious children. We will keep praying for comfort, help, and wisdom.

[Stepinup]

You did the right thing by calling the police. We are here for you. I am so sorry that you had to deal with this.

Stephanie

[Shelly36]

I love you all so much! Thank you so much for caring! I will let you all know the outcome.

[Karen-x]

Shelly, I have lived through your situation. And I am hearing some really disturbing comments from you. I don't mean to upset you but I fear you are taking this too lightly. Is there a reason you must stay in your home? Your husband will be out of jail soon, restraining order or no. And first thing he is going to do is contact you. Whether he is angry or self pitying or sorry should be of no concern to you. It all ends the same way. The only way you are semi-safe is if he goes into long term rehab or you leave the home. I know I have not lived your exact situation and you may think I am all wrong but all evidence points to bad outcomes.

Please make the appropriate arrangements before its too late.

[Shelly36 in reply to Karen-x]

Thank you Karen. Everything you said makes perfect sense but my 5yr old is in school down the street and I am afraid to leave my house.

[Karen-x in reply to Shelly36]

What about leaving your house causes fear?

[Shelly36 in reply to Karen-x]

My kids and dogs, there are no apartments close to her school

[Fancy1959]

Oh Shelly, it's Fancy1959. I'm so sorry about this nightmare and hell you have had to go through. It took a lot of courage to do what you did yet you really didn't have a choice. Just letting your five year old being around a man like that, let alone his father, would probably scar him for life and set them up for serious problems later in his life. You certainly didn't need this added stress on top of your MS. Hopefully he will your stay out of your life and leave you in peace. Make sure you take a restraining order out on him so he starts bothering you if he gets out you have a legal right to have him reincarserated. Please promise me you wil be carefuL.

[Fancy1959]

Shelly, I agree with Karen-X. Please don't take this lightly and take steps now to take yourself and your son out of harm's way. Just like in your Healthcare you are going to be your best Advocate to protect yourself and your son from a potentially dangerous situation with a drunken MEAN man. Find yourself a safe haven if not for yourself then think of your son. If you are determined to stay in your house make it your Safe Haven. Contact the police and see what kind of self defense training they can offer. Tell them about your situation and get them to recommend different ideas whether it be learning basic self defense or whatever they suggest it takes to protect you and yours. Change all the locks on your doors and windows and install new heavy deadbolts and solid steel doors with reinforced door jams on all your exterior doors. Get an alarm system put on your doors and if you can't afford to wire all your windows at least put motion detectors outside or inside your home to detect someone entering your house without using a door. That will give you time to take defensive measures.

If you're determined to stay in your home think about having a carpenter come out and look into making you a safe room someplace where you can seek shelter with your son and call for help if things go bad. Keep a disposable cell phone in there with a battery pack back up so there is always a usable phone in the safe room. Don't tell anyone about it except your son and teach him how to use it and how to dial 911. if he is having difficult because of his age, color code the keys to help him learn the number. It could potentially be a life-safer and would be more effective if it is a suprise. Sometimes, in older homes second-story bathrooms can be converted to safe rooms simply by changing the doors and door jams and making a few alterations. Take out a loan if you need to cover the cost, it is that important. Turn your home into a defensible /safe castle. Please don't wait. Once he comes knocking at your door you know what the possible outcome or should I say the probable outcome will be. He will be let out of jail sooner or later and he might be let out of jail without you being contacted! What a horrible and potentially dangerous surprise that would be to have him come marching through the front door with a chip on his shoulder and a bottle in his hand! Please keep us informed. We care and we are concerned. Fancy1959.

[Shelly36 in reply to Fancy1959]

That's great information! I mever thought about a safe room. You are all correct about me taking this too lightly. I'm scared for my kids and myself and I've never had to do this before, with kids involved. My mother's being a total bitch about it. She says it's my fault! I'm Not getting the support from her. My brother is worried about us and I know he'll be here if I need help. The police are trying to help us the best they can without having to be here 24/7. I need to prepare for the worst to protect my girls and myself. I never thought it would come to this. I'm scared of my husband!

Thank you for the great information. I will do my best to change.

[Jesmcd2 CommunityAmbassador]

Shelly36 l do know what your going through as l have been there. And right now lm sure your feeling a bit lower and confused. Hang in there, it will get better.

Who is pressing charges? You or the state? If it's you, you NEED to follow through!

The restraining order has to be put in place hopefully before he gets out. AND MAKE SURE that your children are listed also. That way he can't get to them also.

Change the locks on all your doors, and make sure all the windows lock. And have your brother stay with you awhile when he gets out.

Don't let this go any further Shelly, next time it could be worse, it could be your kids.

~hugs~

Jes🌠

ps. Domestic Abuse Hotline [phone]

[Shelly36 in reply to Jesmcd2]

The police gave me the numbers to call and I now have them in my phone. Next is making my house my fortress. My dogs hate it because I now have to lockup their door at night. Better safe than sorry.

I don't even think he's sorry about it. He was pissed about being arrested and tried turning this around on me. He wants to have me committed for instability. I know I'm fine mentally. I am still able to take care of us. Take my 5yr old to school and play with my 4yr old till we have to pickup my 5yr old. Make dinner. That's basically my daily routine. What else can I do? My girls are my priority.

[CherieMSCN]

Shelly36 Statistically he will return to the house even with a restraining order. Until all of this dies down you need to put you and the kids in a safe environment outside that home. Do not delay with the restraining order or wait to see how he responds when he "sobers up". That is denial that he could do this!. Those who do what he did to you will do it again no matter how repentant.

[jackiesj]

Shelly36, I am so proud of you and you got this.Lots of courage you have and when things are even better you will teach others.It took awhile for me not to jump when a door opened, or learning to relax.In my mind i had to repeat positive sayings and it than got natural.My children thanked me, so i hadn't seen how much it did effect them.When i can have relaxed around me, not fear, muscles relax the brain does too so wouldn't be surprised if it helps the MS.You deserve joy.keep repeating that if you need to.Goatgal is so true on the ptsd that comes with any trauma.Let others help...as YOU choose.My babies because my besties as they grew in happiness...We drew pictures of good days and baddays just to get things out.May you be blessed with the happiness and joy and health each day...keep coming here, we do love and care so very much.

[MsGelfling1]

Holy Buckets, Shelly, I wish there was something I could do for you. My ex was a drunk and just about as much help as a screen door on a submarine. I threatened to smash his head once with a cast iron frying pan. He didn't sleep well for day. We've been divorced since he walked out on me when I first got MS. I left Minnesota and moved to North Carolina. Don't you know about 8 months ago he showed up at my door. No place to live, no job. I closed the door and haven't heard a word since. I will pray that he stays as far away from you as possible. Bless you, baby. Take your son and disappear. MsGelfling