Lesson learned I guess!: My son, daughter in law... - MPN Voice

MPN Voice
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Lesson learned I guess!


My son, daughter in law, and 2 grandchildren are visiting for couple of days before Christmas. I had menus planned and all it was was pick and mix for tea tonight, then made a (fairly complicated) vegetarian nut roast for tomorrow evening and a borscht soup in slow cooker for lunch tomorrow. Easy I thought! I have now found out what happens when you push through the fatigue - a row with my partner who said I was doing too much and tears of frustration realising that I really can’t tackle the level of activity that I used to be able to. I was refusing to give in and now feel horrendous! Note to self - accept your limitations with grace! I hope I can remember that for next time!

Fortunately we are going to stay with another of my sons for Christmas so I can sit and watch the younger ones doing all the work!

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and take a note from me - if you want to enjoy it it might just mean lowering your expectations of yourself just a notch or two


13 Replies

Sorry to hear you are so weary. I keep telling myself that it will all be over in a few days, I love Christmas, don’t get me wrong just wish other people would help out a bit more, still one good thing I can do it my way which I like no arguments 🤪

So merry Christmas to you and let’s hope the New Year makes you feel a bit more energised.


Oh Beetle, it’s so hard to adjust & accept these limitations. I’m constantly overdoing it thinking “I can do it!” But of course then I crash & feel so demoralized that I’m deficient. I just read that strength training can help with fatigue so I’m going to try it. Hope you recover your energy & enjoy yourself for the festivities. Be well. Katie

Yep, I do the same as you. Work work work then when extra energy is required you just don’t have it. I become angry, frustrated and also when things happen that I have no control over ( a sick mother for 3 days before been taken into hospital ) I have a complete melt down. I cry and cry and cry. Then depression.

Takes days to recover.

Listen to your partner. When family come, go out for a meal. Nothing wrong with Pizza Hut. We now have Fish and chip suppers for birthday treats. Get a cooked chicken from supermarket along with already prepared fresh veg and a bag of new potatoes.

As for vegetarians, for me a difficult one. How about roast veg and qinuoa. I love that.

Family come to spend time with YOU. Enjoy that time together. I’m slowly learning.

Have learned that lesson well now,pushing thru works sometimes mentally

but the crashing out and becoming really unwell is not worth it.

Peaceful Christmas to all.

Thank you for all your heartening replies. It will be meals out or ready meals from now on! Fortunately all my sons earn really good money and meals out are nothing to them so I should just accept gracefully. I think it’s the acceptance of my limitations that I am finding hard. I had four boys all under six and so I was a very busy person with part time job too. Just like I find it hard to accept gifts and financial help from the now grown up boys I also find my reduced capacity for activity hard to accept. I still have too much of an ‘I can do that’ attitude. I am learning! Although nearly 70 I still think I’m nearer 30! I guess it’s called denial! Thank you again for your support. I do so love this forum full of such kind people


Oh Jan. What a special Mum and Gran you must be . We will all identify with how you feel. In our heads we are thirty so off we go doing what we have always done . It's so hard to cut down on doing things that we want to do ....and expect ourselves to be able to do.

I'm so sorry you are now so exhausted . I do hope a few days of rest will make you feel stronger to be able to enjoy Christmas with the family.

With very best wishes for Christmas and 2019

Sandy x


Hi Beetle, we all do it and know that we shouldn't, but at the time you just get so frustrated with your MPN that you think, I will do this and not give in, so there!!! But, then it does catch up with us. Enjoy being spoilt by your sons, I am sure they are more than happy to spoil you and will enjoy seeing you happy and not stressed and fatigued. I personally will be lounging on the sofa as much as I can over Christmas, I have a good supply of chocolates and cakes and puddings to keep me going and a load of lovely, sentimental, funny films to watch and Christmas lunch will be served and eaten when it's ready. Enjoy yourself, have fun and be spoilt. And that goes for all of you. Maz x x x

I don't bother with Christmas any longer, I do not buy presents, or maybe some stocking fillers for the grand child. I cook a simple meal, lets say roast lamb, on Christmas eve, because I work unsocial hours, then my grownup children can go and visit the other families on Christmas day. No arguments, no stress. Simples.

in reply to Searcher56

You see I don’t think I could ever do that. It is probably exactly what I should do but Christmas has always been special to me especially where it involves children. As I had four of them and now grandchildren I find it difficult to moderate my behaviour!! I really have learned the hard way this year so things will have to be done differently next year. I have to say my partner would be happy if there was no such thing as Christmas although he adores my grandchildren! xx

in reply to beetle

I love Christmas, I love the ritual queuing for the Christmas meat, (when the children were small the taking them back and forth for nativity play practice at the church.)

Going to the nativity , yes we still go, then gathering round our village buttercoss for communal carol singing. With the Salvation Army.

We now even book a meal st the Indian for 8pm straight after carols.

That for me has always been my Christmas.

This year first time ever I will not be involved in cooking Christmas Day. We have been invited out to my son and daughter-in-law’s.

The best Christmas present ever!!!!

Merry Christmas All!

Hi Beetle, I’ve taken shortcuts this time too - freezer roasties, veg, etc and a chocolate fountain for an easy pudding. Enjoy, love and Xmas E hugs Aime xx😻😻

Enjoy this special time of year with your family.Dont be hard on yourself.I hope you have a wonderful christmas and new year.And to all MPN'RS everywhere.all the very best in love and health. Xx

Christmas has always been special to me too, Beetle, and the one holiday when I used to really go all out. But your advice is well taken; instead of trying to do everything I used to do, I kept it small this year so I'd be able to enjoy my family, which, of course, is the most important thing. I hope you had a wonderful time with yours. Merry Christmas and here's to the new year.


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