Argument with mum, just need to vent really...

[crazycara]

Literally just had an argument with my mum, and my sisters. I was out with a friend that I haven't seen in ages and she rings me out of the blue saying that I treat the house like a hotel and that I never told her I was going to meet my friend. I told her a couple of days ago, and said to her you told me it sounded nice, to which she responded ''yes well... you didn't tell me this morning''... She asked me where I was going, to which I said the doctors (for my medication and for my boyfriend) I told her and she went back to sleep. Off I went. Then the phone call, she hangs up on me and I leave it.

I come home and everythings ok, and I think maybe her bad mood has passed but no, apparently borrowing my sisters boots was wrong, and I've done wrong. I asked my sister in the morning what size she was (shoes) and she's the same as me. I said I was going to borrow them, as she wasn't going out today and she has other boots anyway. She threw a tantrum anyway, but I didn't really care and thought it was because she's 14. She then proceeded to say I would stretch them... when I'm the same size, and when I did wear them, they were too big anyway!

I borrowed them anyway. The only reason I've borrowed them is because atm I can't afford my own, my own boots recently died on me as in the whole bottom sole has practically come off. And without student finance I can't afford to buy new ones at the moment. It was pissing down with rain and I knew my shoes wouldn't handle it and my feet would get wet for the whole day.

So anyway, I come back home and my mum shouts at me, saying I'm wrong, and that my sister is right. I said to her it was for only one day and it's not really that big a deal. I was walking round town not through mud or anything like that. I said to my mum that she (my mum) has tried to borrow my stuff all the time, like clothes and even my underwear, because it matched her bra. She practically called me fat and saying she wouldn't fit into it. I was just astonished at the uproar of me going to see a friend and borrowing a pair of boots. My other sister who is 13 decided to join in on the fight and say ''YOU WANTED TO BORROW MY BOOTS''... I honestly felt like I was asking for blood from a stranger.

I've been mopping around the house for a whole week, even longer then that because I was at my boyfriend's house in Plymouth (he's University) and my depression was just getting worse. I'm having trouble with him anyway because of his snoring - to the point where we are sleeping in separate beds. And this weekend, I decided to make plans to see friends and family. Yesterday I went to see my grandparents in London with my boyfriend, to which my mum manipulated me into taking the kids. I'm not stupid I can see what she was doing, but I did it anyway to make her happy. I planned to see my friend today then go to a New Year Eve's party at a friends house. Tomorrow I plan to see some more friends and the same for Thursday and then more family on Friday before I go home to Nottingham.

Yet she keeps pointing out that I haven't been around and she hasn't seen me. She works and comes in saying she's tired, so she goes to bed or falls asleep watching TV. There isn't much more I can do if she's like that. She's always encouraging me to get off the sofa and do stuff to get better, wear some makeup, make myself feel better, and all of a sudden it's like I start to do that stuff and it's wrong. I've been stuck at home - not seeing anyone other then my boyfriend - looking after the kids while she's at work, just mopping about. Now I'm doing something positive something I actually need (which she KNOWS) and she's moaning at me.

There is no point talking to her, because she's one of those people that is ALWAYS right, no matter what proof you have.

Then she came up the stairs while I was crying in my sisters room (she has my old room now) and just starting having a conversation with me, about what time I'm going out, and if I'm having a bath, if I want dinner, and when I said no to the dinner she was like ''what's wrong with my dinner?'' ...

She was saying all these things as if she knew she'd hurt me - which she did know for the fact I was crying - so was saying it in like a soft kind voice... but then she just went ok, and left... Usually she'd talk to me make me feel a bit better you know explain about why she's so angry and that I've done wrong or whatever. But I feel confused, she acknowledged I was crying and hurt, and was talking to me nicely, just for her to ignore it. Like it wasn't happening. She was speaking to me as if she couldn't see the tears in my eyes and the sound in my voice.

I don't know what's better or worse tbh. To acknowledge it and ignore it maybe move past it, or to be nice to me and help me...

The thing that annoys me and confuses me is she knows I suffer a lot, and badly with depression and is always telling me to get better, prove my dad wrong, make something of myself, (helpful things), and that she's worried my boyfriend will leave me if I don't buck up my ideas and sort myself out... It sounds a lot harsher then it is, but she's just trying to help me see it's not healthy. Especially for someone my age.

And the fact that, I've given my sisters so much, clothes that no longer fit me because of my weight, and new clothes and boots that actually I could've sold for a lot of money for myself, but I gave it to them for free and yet I can't borrow a pair of boots? If they came to me with the same situation I would let borrow them with only a little worry for my boots... It's not a difficult thing is it? Am I really wrong to borrow a pair of boots and go see my friends? I just feel I do a lot for my sisters and when I do something wrong, they just stitch me up to my mum and she doesn't even come to ask my side of the story she just has a go at me... no matter what it is they've said. Everything I say is wrong or a lie.

Sorry, just really sad and lonely. Crying on my own as usual.

[gardengnome]

wonder if your mum was trying to be as normal as possible when she came up-stairs, perhaps she thought doing the huggy huggy thing would set you off crying. Have a good soak in the bath, enjoy the night, and be refreshed for when you go back to studying.

Not sure if your mum was really thinking about what she was doing earlier, perhaps family have got so used to you being the depressed one in the family that they get confused when you act differently.

Wishing you a peaceful and uncomplicated 2014

[crazycara in reply to gardengnome]

I dunno if she was trying to be normal? as I was already crying anyway... it continuing to happen though, its like she's sorry but isn't sorry? I don't know how to explain... think she's just drunk, and doesn't want to start the new year with me in a bad way? maybe?

Thank you and to you too! x

[cld6]

My Mom, sister and I get into arguments like this all of the time. In this case I'm the younger one (I'm 18 and my sister's 23), and my sister treats me like one of her 5 year old pupil's so I completely understand your frustration when your siblings act in such a petty and unncecessary way.

Like gardengnome suggests, definitely don't let it affect your night - go out and enjoy New Year's Eve if that's what you were intending to do and just try to forget about what happened, otherwise it will probably just put a dampener on your evening.

Hope you have a lovely time whatever you end up doing

[crazycara in reply to cld6]

Trying not to let it affect my night, just in a low mood tonight I think, after the argument now I keep thinking about how much weight I've put on and especially over Christmas, trying to just think I'm starting my 5:2 diet tomorrow, my first 'fast' so trying to think about that instead, but it's proving difficult especially if you're getting ready and constantly having to look at yourself...

I'll still go, no matter how low I am, I don't want to disappoint the boyfriend, hope you have a fantastic New Years x

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hey Cara,

Sometimes all you can do is accept the way people are. You're not at all in the wrong. If that's how your family are, at the end of the day all you can do is try as much as possible to let it wash over you, safe in the knowledge that you haven't done owt wrong.

Hope you're feeling better

[crazycara in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

I guess so, but it just hurts as they are supposed to be my family and it's such a constrast to my boyfriend's family - they are all loving and supportive, they never say a bad word to each other at all... and my mum and family just seem really dirt common compared... which is stupid really...

Thanks for the support, hope you have a good New Years x

[Photogeek in reply to crazycara]

Hi Cara. Families can be difficult for sure , it's sometimes hard to accept our families warts and all. Especially if you compare them to others. You did nothing wrong. Just try and have a good night out. Your sisters are younger. And hormal so don't expect them to

Accept your Depressed. Your Mum is probably tired and trying to be everything to everyone. Just let it all wash over you. My parents

Used to nag at me too . You cannot change people so just change the way you deal with them. Don't feel fat your probably a lovely person and you have a boyfriend. Your Mum may be feeling a bit envious and may feel trapped in her own life. You will be self

Sufficient in a few years and your own boss. Tomorrow start your diet and don't be crying.

Hope. 2014 brings you peace and happiness. Enjoy yourself

And put it all behind you.

Hugs

Hannah x

[crazycara in reply to Photogeek]

Well it turns out the party was really good, and even though I was feeling awful and quiet it was a near miss that night, but I'm glad I went - I instantly felt happy as I walked through the door.

I do feel big as I know since having my depression (without taking tablets) I've put on at least 2 stone, and that's big for me - this is the biggest I've ever been, but I'm wanting to start that 5:2 diet so hopefully that and some more exercise will start taking the pounds away.

Hope you had a good New Year's Eve? x

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to crazycara]

Yeah I know. Families are strange things. To be honest, you're in a position, at least while at Uni, where you can see your family as much as you want. I knew people who didn't get on with their family and either stayed in York during hols or stayed with their other halves.

It's a strange process when you start to see your family like normal people with qualities you don't like - I remember that well, as mine have some traits that really annoy me! But it does come with the choice whether to expose yourself to it or not. I know they're family but your first loyalty is to you.

[crazycara in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

Wish I could stay in Nottingham, but tbh I don't have many friends there and they go back for the holidays, plus I usually have no money and no job =[

I know for a fact I'm going to be extremely lonely when I go back to Nottingham, what with all the lovely dovey couples and just me lol x

[fadedlizard]

Hi Cara,

I hope you're feeling better and are going ahead with your plans for the evening.

You didn't do anything wrong. It's just sometimes these arguments blow up out of nothing. It's horrible though when you're making such an effort to try and get out and about and get on with your life.

Don't let it ruin your night.

Love

Lizard.xxx

[crazycara in reply to fadedlizard]

Thankfully I didn't let it ruin my night, I went to my party and had a good time.

I hope you're was good too? x