Struggle in group situation

[JenOsul]

Does anyone else struggle in large group situation?

My husbands family have young children and when we are together there are 10 of us. Gatherings are a regular occurrence and I find the whole things so overwhelming and exhausting and wondered if anyone else suffers the same way?

With multiple conversations going on, children screaming and playing loads of different volumes I just can’t handle it. My responses are slurred, I struggle with the process of information which makes it impossible to engage in conversation... and when I do people get fed up and try to answer for you. I know it comes down to a lack of understanding but it’s still frustrating and upsetting.

Does anyone else have similar struggles?

Thanks

[Hidden]

Yes, post BM I struggle with this too. It is execerbated by hearing loss with me, the high frequencies of my hearing were damaged so I struggle to hear sibilants in speech but can hear the background din at the lower frequencies fine. The extra effort trying to deal with this makes it all too much. Have you had your hearing checked, damage like mine is apparently a common sode effect? My hearing aids don't help that much in these situations but they are a visible reminder to people of my limitation and a good excuse for dropping out of conversation when it gets too much. I also have raging tinnitus which gets lots worse in busy noisy environments like you describe - but it's hard to notice it because of the background noise so I end up effectively with a raging headache which I am unaware of while straining to socialize - not a good thing!

If you were at all an introvert before the illness then you may find it harder to extrovert socially because of the extra effort required now - the book 'Quiet' by Susan Cain is a really good exploration, explanation and celebration of introversion - well worth a look if trying to understand yourself or get others to understand you, or the new/changed you.

Finally you don't say how long since you were ill. I am 6 years post BM and it keeps getting easier - albeit very slowly. What was an unbearable din (canteens, swimming pools...) a few years ago is now manageable.

Good luck.

Jos

[Peacock1]

Hello, very much so! I am 5 years post viral meningitis and suffered with a great deal of after effects including severe fatigue, headaches, vertigo, neuropathy, light/ sound sensitivity. My recovery has been slow but what was unbearable in the first couple of years is now tolerable although I still need to be careful not to really overdo it as I can sometimes trigger a relapse. I couldn’t stand large groups for a couple of years as it would trigger severe exhaustion. What I found helped was keeping the gatherings short where possible and wearing noise reducing ear plugs I ordered from Amplifon. It allows you to hear clearly, not muffled but just at a lower volume and significantly reduces the background noise. It allowed me to go places that I wouldn’t have been able to go otherwise and reduced the sensory input to my brain so I felt much less exhausted after. They are also clear so you can’t really notice that you are wearing them too much. I very very rarely use them now, only if I’m having migraine episodes. And i am frequently around noisy children and can usually handle it fine now. Things will get better, sometimes it can be slow and adaptations need to be made but you will definitely improve!

[CharlyM]

Oh yes. I feel exactly the same. I’m 3 months post viral meningitis now, and have days when I feel quite normal 🙂. But social relations are still complicated and I tend to avoid them as they aren’t so great anymore. Background noise just makes me feel more and more fatigued and maintaing conversations after a while seems like a huge mental task and I just want to go somewhere on my own. Also fatigue tends to go on at least one more day, sometimes even longer.

But I have the feeling it’s slowly (very slowly) getting better, like everything post VM.

Hope you have a fast recovery and can go back to fully enjoying family get togheters soon !

[Runnerma]

Hi! Yes after almost three years post Bacterial Meningitis I still struggle with this. I prefer to stay home rather than to go into a crowd due to my decreased hearing. Hope things improve for you

[Valorrian]

Hi Jen,

I had BM a few years ago and it left me profoundly deaf. Get your hearing checked out. A lot of people with BM have hearing loss which could be why you are having trouble understanding everyone. I isolated myself for a long time and tried to ignore my issues. Now, I am dealing with them head on. I don't socialize much. I am an introvert by nature.

I live with my parents and brother and they all use sign language with me so I can be part of the conversation. Even with them signing to me, I do get overwhelmed, tired and my brain just doesn't process like it use to. My therapist said that any time I feel like this to just take a break. It can be going to my bedroom to lay down for 15 minutes, going for a walk, going to another room that no one is in, sitting with a pet and just petting them. I've started to do this when I am with my family. We can be doing whatever. I'll excuse myself and tell them I am just going to take a break. They know that I just need to be alone for while and they are fine with it. They understand. Eventually, I come back and join in but on my time when I am ready. This has helped me greatly. It's ok to ask for a break. I also do a lot of deep breathing and mediation. These things seem simple but the benefits are great.

I hope you find a solution soon. If you ever need to talk. You can pm, I'm always around.

[JenOsul in reply to Valorrian]

Thankyou so much for this. I am actually meeting with family this afternoon so if it gets too much I will take my self off for a break!

Thankyou for the support x

[Hexy]

25year's and still find socialising very taxing. Balance back pain headaches bright lights noise labrynthitis, has anyone of you suffered with more strep throat infections than before ? As this is also the streptacoccal virus, and I infected myself!!!! I had 3 months of really bad strep throat, then just blacked out. VM, then encephalitis. 6month's hospital, still suffering. ? 2year's under the hospital twice a week excellent care and information regarding after care. Which I've read a lot on here nobody being told of long term effects of memory etc. Your GO isn't qualified or conversant enough to give an opinion on your illness or recovery you need a specialist Neurologist who specialises,(as these too can be general) in VM ok hope that was helpful.Anita