38 now and had meningitis when I was 3. Have ongoing issues in life and wonder if anyone can relate?

[JohnnyBoy1]

I had meningitis 35 years ago when I was only 3, and have lived a life fraught with personal challenges and ups and downs. I've had bouts of depression for periods of time ever since I was a child (though I didn't recognise it at the time), some I have dealt with, with advice and guidance of GP's and on one occasion a cognitive therapy group, but generally I try to ride it out and get by as best I can.

I have issues with poor memory, memory loss, what I can only describe as a clouded mind, as well as tinnitus, GAD (general anxiety disorder) and stomach/bowel conditions (acid reflux and IBS). At present I try to take as little medication as I can (and currently non at all for any of the mental conditions).

On most days I count myself lucky. I am fully aware that things could be MUCH worse (I had 2 aunts with hearing and learning impairments after having meningitis), but during down times (times of stress or worry) all of the ailments flair up and I do find it difficult to get by... usually I retreat and keep myself to myself (even though I have a wife and young son who I love).

I don't feel I have achieved much in life and spend much time comparing myself to others - though I am aware I have done things to mark me out as a valuable contributor to society (Employment support / Disability support to name a couple).

I do feel lost most of the time. I have always found it difficult to make/keep friends as I find it difficult to find common ground with others (I primarily put this down to my memory issues as I find I difficult to remember exact details of past events - even if they only happened a short while ago - most of my memories are based on feelings of a time or place rather than an exact picture). Other than this and a few other occasions I have sort solace online I hardly ever mention any of the issues I have revealed today to anyone. I hate feeling sorry for myself, but I do find that it is ultimately (even when I am in the company of others) a lonely existence.

If you have read this far, I'm happy you did so and I apologise for rambling, but ultimately I am just wondering if there is anyone out there who has had meningitis that can relate to anything I have said?

If so, I look forward to hearing from you.

[revygirl]

Hi JohnnyBoy. Yes I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am 15 years plus after Meningitis and honestly I became a different person after it. I have lost so many of my memories which I relate to it. Depression, Anxiety and pain are a sad addition to my everyday life. I like to be by myself rather then anything else. It just seems easier that way. You have come to the right place to know you are definitely not alone. Like Ive said on previous posts-I liken Meningitis to a brain injury. I know in life Im less lucky then some but luckier then others. It is extremely challenging however and unless someone has gone through it they cant really understand. Hoping things will improve for you.

[JohnnyBoy1 in reply to revygirl]

I have peaks and troughs... big ups and downs. Sometimes things do seem like too much and that I am crumbling, but I just always try to focus on the fact that tomorrow can be a brighter day

[Huberthia]

Hi i what to now did you walk and speek and how long did u take

[JohnnyBoy1 in reply to Huberthia]

I walked and talked straight afterwards. I've never been told if the issues I have now are a result of the Meningitis or not, but it is hard to believe that a young brain infected in such a way would be left unharmed.