How often do you visit your sibling in care?

[LaVerite]

I would like to know how often other families visit their relative (in my case my 60+ sibling) who is in residential care about 2 hours away on the bus.

I am asking because the care home has written in their care plan that I am not visiting enough.

I would like to know what 'enough' means for others, because the care home hasn't defined what this means.

All comments appreciated!

[Jofisher]

I’m sorry but what a blxxdy cheek of the care home to put that. Maybe you should ask the care home to bring your loved one to you instead if that’s possible for all of you instead of taking a two hour bus ride that’s really offensive in my opinion and must have been really hard for you to read that. I can now see my son regularly as he’s only 17 minutes away now but at one home he was between 4-5 hours away so I was lucky to see him once a month which was for me dreadful and for him but I couldn’t physically get there as I was relying on the kindness of others we do what we can and we don’t deserve to be judged in this way it’s no fair or right in my humble opinion.

[LaVerite in reply to Jofisher]

Thank you Jo

I thought once a month was more than enough, but the trouble with this home is they refuse to give any information about how they quantify such things as it is "GDPR protected" because it relates to other clients personal data!

Same goes for how much spending money they get; what lies are written in care plans; what food they eat; what medical care is right; what possessions they have; what outings they go on; what they pay for - and why; why do they have to pay for their carers' lunches when out shopping etc. I could go on.

I think this care home sees clients as geese who lay golden eggs for the benefit of the owners and would prefer if their interfering clients' relatives would keep their filthy noses out of their business, pulling out the 'best interests' card any time they are challenged on the questionable way they operate.

What hope has any relative got of holding these people to account!

[Jofisher in reply to LaVerite]

I have a deputyship and absolutely yes I have I’ve raised a number of safeguardings regarding poor care financial abuse and restraint etc etc I won’t let it go. Homes won’t ever learn if you don’t hold them to account. Maybe if you’re getting nowhere consider a consultant social worker to help fight your corner or a mental capacity advocate.

[49Twister in reply to Jofisher]

Well said Jo

[White25 in reply to Jofisher]

Hi can you please tell me what an independent social worker does for you, would she be any good in my case, where my daughter is gone down hill mentally, thanks.

[LaVerite]

Thank you Jo.

It's getting beyond a joke. I thought I was tenacious, but they've got their hooks well and truly in through their lies and absolute control of this vulnerable person!

My experience of advocates is not very positive - I see them as 'yes men' for the home rather than looking after their charges' interests, but perhaps a consultant social worker might be a better bet.

[49Twister in reply to LaVerite]

Can't agree with you more regarding lies and unaccountability for absolutely everything. It really is shocking the way some of these supported living facilities are run. A lot of them call themselves charities which is a joke as they just take take take from the clients. I believe there are some decent ones out but have yet to come across them.

[Housebuster]

My daughter sees my son fortnightly and brings him to her home for the day. Family see him there. I live abroad and we video call each other a minimum of once a week, often more. He comes out to me once a year for a few weeks.

I don't know how you would quantify enough, but I think if there is some form of contact weekly/fortnightly, even a video call, I doubt anyone could complain, especially if you live some distance away. Perhaps the care home could do more to facilitate this.

[Sallyyana]

O dear judging again.

Agree with all comments.Everybody's circumstances are different. In my opinion this shouldn’t be documented in care plans. And I would definitely challenge this.

[Badedee]

if your relative is under a DoLS in the care home, there should be an RPR, Relevant Persons Representative, who can act on their behalf re. aspects of their care and ask to see care records etc. I was RPR for my daughter- if no family member is RPR then there will be an independent one who you might be able to contact

[LaVerite in reply to Badedee]

They are under a Dols now, although I'm convinced think this was only done to get them into a new home because there was no Dols in their old home. There is an RPR but their as much use as a chocolate frying pan, and always take the side of the care home, the local authority social work, the health board or anyone else who's not 'family'. I'm sure families are all tarred with the same brush based on the authorities dealings with the worst kind of abuse inflicted by a few bad apple relatives. I feel as welcome as an XL Bully dog at the moment.

[BenjiB]

Not my sibling but my son. It’s a ferry ride away and expensive. He comes home every 6-8 weeks for a week. They bring him with 2 carers and they take him back too. I rarely go there because it confuses him and if I did he’d think he was coming back with me.

The home are very open and transparent and we are in contact at least once a week if not more. They phone me and email me about everything regarding his care, outings, finances etc . We have an excellent relationship. Long May it continue. If they feel something isn’t right they’ve raised safeguarding issues themselves and the safeguarding team are also brilliant at communicating with us.

[49Twister in reply to BenjiB]

I've said this before BenjiB you have a great company caring for your son, it's amazing. It must be so nice not to have to worry about your adult children knowing they are receiving the best care. I don't understand why all support companies don't follow this example some are absolutely atrocious, they are just the worst. Even if you complain they cover up with their lies. I just don't get why some of us have to put up with this and not be able to get on with our lives,

[LaVerite in reply to BenjiB]

I wish the standards were the same across the board, and the CQC were able to uncover what really goes on in some homes, rather than box ticking exercises and taking the care homes version of what goes on as gospel.

[Bergersil400]

I was under the impression that this would be classed as main home, at least is for the supported living my daughter lives, and therefore no obligation on relatives part to have their son, daughter etc home.My daughter has been in supported living for 16 months and on our part she does come home most weeks Thursday evening to Sunday evening. If we have an event on like a wedding this weekend, she usually doesn't come with us, and so will be next Thursday, before she comes to us.

The reason why she comes home so often is because we want to ensure they are doing things what we want. For 0ò eating healthy, and getting out fir regular activity. If we wanted to leave it a month before visiting, they would be happy with that, as long as we gave notice. We send in dates she is with us each month. Additionally would need enough money for activities, and food. We always send most of her food in anyway.

I still think, the supported living complex get funding for my daughter 24/7 plus additional funding for transport which we asked for due to mini bus no longer available, so if not used for my daughter must be used to pay staff with another resident.