Local Group for a male with Learning Disabilities for friendship

[GALeo]

Hi,

My brother in-law has learning difficulties. He is over 50 and still at home with the in-laws. I have tried to get them to let him meet others like him, get out and have friends, but it is hard. My husband & I will be his careers when they die and I would like him to join a group now to get him out and have friends/girlfriend. Any ideas in the Carmarthen/Llanelli area please.

[Jofisher]

You should have a community voluntary sector in the area that can assist you and speak to the carers association as they should have an LD team within their organisation and help point at your local council they also do things with those with a Learning Disability and mencap helpline can also assist you In sure. Good luck there are also lots of discounts a CEA card to go to the pictures National trust discounts theatres do discounts as well and there should be clubs he can join as well. Good luck in your searches

[Galwaybay2]

If he is physically able there will be Special Olympics groups in the area for a social life as well as health. You can join at any age

[LDAutie in reply to Galwaybay2]

hi Galwaybay2 youd think/hope so but it depends on the area really,as it costs money to set up a SO group and get the teachers and DBS checks in.

im in manchester which is a very big town so youd think itd be covered in SO groups but it only has one special olympics club and one sport-horse riding and you have to be of a low weight (under 10 stone i think) as there is a wrong belief that all of us sit badly on horseback and add more weight onto the horse.

in terms of horse riding,there is also the RDA of course (riding for the disabled asociation) -i did private sessions but they do class sessions, the arena had pictorials next to the letter signs so non reders know what the teachers are asking of them.

in group sessions you get to know other riders and you can make friends afterwards depending on the person and some of their riding schools actualy have hoists to get people on horseback and have all kinds of saddle adaptions to hold someone sitting up, or like i was- they may be 2-1 with riding school staff and and have one person on each side holding you up as my epilepsy used to be a lot more severe,the horse i rode was also epilepsy trained so if you had a seizure or fell off during a seizure-she woud stop and not lift her hooves up.

in the RDA riding schools that dont have hoists-which unfortunately is many of them as theyre suposed to be really expensive as they are super heavy duty so they can lift people onto horses who may be as big as 17hh, they often offer adapted driving sessions- so people who may be to heavy to ride or people who cant mobilise in any form can get onto the adapted cart (wheelchairs can be pushed on or roll onto the platforms with ease) and the RDA user can then be driven round or can attempt to be a part of it themselves such as holding a rein.

special olympics welcomes alot of people who are not physicaly able or even just unfit though it depends on the sport and whether theyve got a class that can acomodate it- its more common in non contact ball sports like boccia and ten pin bowling which only requires the chin be able to move as there are adaptions available,i used to go SO boccia training from my wheelchair,we had people with severe learning disability and people with profound autism in my class.

swimming also may sound like a difficult high exercise sport but they lane off the pool in terms of ability,i was in the lowest level class because i cant move very well.

i forget what its called but theres also a PMLD program within special olympics but as far as i know not every club runs it.

[SpeedyH]

Hi there, I’m sure you have your brother in law’s best interests at heart and please don’t take this reply as a criticism. Your starting point must be on what your brother in law wants and not what you want or what you think he wants. People with learning disabilities tend to age beyond their years and it is very possible that he is healthy and happy living his life as it is. In my experience, older people generally do not want to go out and about as much as they might have done when they were younger. Also, after a lifetime of caring for him, your parents in law will have a much better idea of what he needs than you will.It sounds to me that you are very sensibly thinking about the impact your brother in law will have on your family when his mum and dad are dead. Now is definitely the time to have those conversations, not when everyone is grieving. When they die, he will need stability and massive support to cope with the transition and definitely not have a ‘new life’ imposed on him.

Obviously, I know nothing about your family but just speaking generally, I think it is important not to assume by default that you and your husband should become his Carers. There are a lot of different options, for example your brother-in-law could have support from paid Carers with you having more of an organising or monitoring role. I understand that it might be hard to have these conversations with his parents who probably want to be reassured that you will look after him when they die, but it might be a good idea to be having this conversation with your husband. 💐