Pregnancy : My son is 23 with a moderate learning... - Mencap

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Debbie102 profile image
Debbie102

My son is 23 with a moderate learning disability and has been with his girlfriend for five months. He's just told us she's pregnant. He has no job, I feel totally lost and not sure what to do.

8 Replies

Bless you that must be such a worry I would speak to the Mencap helpline for advice, does he have a case worker or anything? Does his girlfriend have an L.D. As well ? You can understand that they want to do all the normal things in life but they may not understand the practicalities of all of this and how they’re going to manage. I don’t know if the carers association could help you with advice as well. Are you in contact with the girlfriends parents maybe you could support each other with this situation. I wish I could be of more help I do hope you get things sorted.

Debbie102 profile image
Debbie102 in reply to Jofisher

Thank you. I don't think his girlfriend has LD, due to covid,we have only met her once and that was at the weekend when they told us the news. I will talk to someone at MENCAP.

All you can do is give them support. As you will know moderate learning disability doesnt mean incapable. Take it one day at a time.

Picklebum profile image
Picklebum in reply to Dnb88

What a worry this is what I’m living in dread of this happening ! Hope you can get some help and reassurance talk to her parents maybe and mencapMy young person has moderate LD plus asd etc it is her dream to have a baby in a couple of years she’s told me..... she is very literal so maps her life out

She has recently split up with a long term boyfriend he didn’t want children I think this is why and says she’s now looking fir a daddy fir her prospective baby !! Omg worlds nightmare

Debbie102 profile image
Debbie102 in reply to Picklebum

I'm absolutely terrified.

Debbie102 profile image
Debbie102 in reply to Dnb88

Yes, we as parent's have told him we are 100% supportive of whatever happens.

Sarah_Mencap profile image
Sarah_MencapAdministrator

Hello Debbie102

This must have been a bit of a shock - but I agree with Dnb88 that the best thing you can do is offer support. They are going to need you to be on their side.

How are your son and his partner feeling about the pregnancy? Are they excited? They may also be feeling a bit worried (although they might not tell you this).

Hopefully you will be able to get to know his partner better very soon too. See if you can talk to them face to face and find out more.

There are some great posts on here already. Here are few more ideas:

> look on this page - mencap.org.uk/advice-and-su... under the section Someone I support is pregnant. What do I do? I know it is a bit different for you as it is your son, rather than his partner, who has a learning disability. But there are some good ideas on there.

> There is a PDF here with links to lots of resources about relationships and sexuality - mencap.org.uk/sites/default...

Have a look at the sections about pregnancy and parenting.

> Finally, your son and his partner may need some advice about money. They may not have thought about this very much. Babies can be expensive, but there will also be support out there for them. Here are a couple of websites that have a lot of information about this (you may to help them go through this all as there is a lot on there):

- moneyadviceservice.org.uk/e...

- turn2us.org.uk/Your-Situati...

I hope this helps a little. Please also call our helpline (mencap.org.uk/advice-and-su...) if you would like to talk to one of our advisors about this.

Best wishes

Sarah

Thank you. They both seem excited and keep saying it will all be fine. They understand we are worried but think all will be ok.

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