Autistic Son

[PeachieE]

Hello all, I am new on here.

I live in Leicestershire with my 24 year old son. He has aspergers, dyspraxia and epilepsy. Since lockdown he has had a temporary job which he loves. He has since decided he wants to be independent and move out, find a girlfriend and live his life like everyone else.

He is dreadful with money and I am obviously worried about this and wondered if anyone else had or is going through similar? Do I rent a flat, buy one, try independent living?

I know with lockdown etc socialising isn't easy but does anyone know of any groups to meet young ladies with the same/similar conditions or even a trustworthy dating site?

He is a very kind, loving kid who would look everyone. Any help, ideas or advice would be gratefully received.

Thank you

[LDAutie]

hi PeachieE ive just put this across to my support staff and she says your son needs a social worker or pyschologist to give him a capacity asessment around money, if they say he doesnt have capacity in that area he can have a appointee look after all his finances,i have one in my service.

however....i have been told in the past they cost a lot of money to pay for-the ones that are counsil based-my appointee is free because she is part of the support facility service.

one of the downsides to having an appointee is he likely wont have access to a debit card, i have never had one but during covid my service brought in a trial with giving people under appointeeships 'top up mastercards' ,i have one and its helped a lot but is also very safe unlike giving me a debit card.

what about starting out with supported living in his own place? itd depend if hed get the funding for it off SS as well,if thats to much then he coud have floating/outreach support-.

if his epilepsy is quite bad,he might need a place where theres always someone staffing the place,ie sheltered/supported housing,an ex support staff/old friend of mine is having that trouble with her son/my other old friend who has the same diagnoses as your son,they keep offering him unsuitable places,they wont give him the place most suitable as it costs to much in funding,as far as i know one of the things that has helped him is outreach support from the company who has a day centre i go to,but hed still be living with you and as an autistic person he is going to need to learn to be away from you as it gets harder to cope the longer you leave it.

as for dating agencies,there is one called stars in the sky for people with either learning disability, learning difficulty, ASD etc, but i think they have since changed names-ive just had a google and theyre so hard to track down-but they have been the main dating/friendship agency used on 'the undatables' for many years.

they are also a friendship agency. they are known as luv2meetu in the north/north west-i tried getting a friend through luv2meetu and the forms were very anti LGBTQ+,(i dont know,they might have changed them since).

i hope this helps, sorry i write so much,my epilepsy has damaged my short term and working memory so much i forget as i go along and can type out a pile of words without realising.

[PeachieE in reply to LDAutie]

Thank you very much for getting back to me. No social worker as they thought not necessary after the assessment?

He would definitely need help with money as help with living so I will look into that, thanks. He has a debit card which I help him with.

I will look up the dating site. Thanks again, take care.

[Sarah_Mencap]

Welcome

It is wonderful that your son is keen to live independently. Moving out and starting your adult life is such an exciting (and scary) time - particularly for parents.

Here are a few things that might help:

> Housing wise - here is the link to the information on Mencap's website - mencap.org.uk/advice-and-su... but it would also be worth talking to your local council to see what is available near you. They should also know about what other support is available in your area.

> Dating/friendships - here is a post with some dating advice on - healthunlocked.com/mencap/p...

I am not sure what these different groups are doing during the pandemic, but hopefully opportunities for people to meet up again in person will start again soon.

> Managing money is always a big issue. Have you seen Dosh's website? - dosh.org/

Finally, it also sounds like you do a lot for your son and it is really important that you also get the help you need. Do you get any support? Is there are carers centre/service near where you live? They focus on supporting people just like you and will offer a wide variety of services - from coffee mornings to benefits advice. It can be really good to meet other families who are in a similar position and share idea/local contacts.

Best wishes

Sarah

[PeachieE in reply to Sarah_Mencap]

Thank you for you help and advise much appreciated x