Mental health and sexual relationships

[Dalfie2020]

Hi, I’m new to this so apologies if this isn’t the right thing to post but I need help. My sister is 30 years old with mild to severe learning disabilities and quite severe mental health problems. She can become very low and threatens suicide quite and episode of extreme anger. However this only tends to happen after a break up with a man she’s been seeing. She seems to fall in love very quickly and put pressures on the relationship, sometimes in a sexual way as if she thinks this is the main part of a relationship if they don’t have sex they don’t love each other type of thing. There’s that and the fact she always wants to be around them, literally 24/7. When they push back on her and say things are too much she gets extremely angry, its quite scary. Then comes the suicidal threats and more often than not her accusing them of taking advantage or, more often than not, rape. Which is horrific to hear but she has told me on each occasion after going the police - did not happen. Each time. She knows about consent and has given it each time. It’s more a way of getting revenge. We’re growing concerned that if it did ever happen the police would be reluctant to charge anyone as they don’t believe her. It’s happened again recently. We don’t know how to stop it or help her understand relationships better. I’m wondering if anyone has any advice or would be able to steer me in the direction of someone specialist that knows about the best way to go about these situations as it’s happened too many time and the social services don’t seem to have any solutions.

Thanks, from a worried sister

[BenjiB]

Oh my goodness what a worry for you all. Have you spoken to her gp about a referral to a specialist who may be able to help. I once worked with a couple with LD and they had issues surrounding sex and they had a lady come to the house every week for months to help them. If SS won’t help I’d try the GP xx

[Dalfie2020 in reply to BenjiB]

Thank you all for your help. I’ll give the GP try and see where we go.

[Dogschip]

Hi Dalfie, there are a few organisations across the country that maybe able to help her, sometimes people need a bit of advice away from the family (because after all, who has ever wanted advice from family!!). We are from the Cambridge area and there is an organisation called Dhiverse here that offers free support and advice around relationships, their ABC course is specifically designed with autism and LD in mind, hopefully there are others around that do the same. There s also organsatons that help people meet safely and then sport those relatonshps to develop n a postve way (not sre why t some of my letters are not working on here!) choicesupport.org.uk/about-... has everything loads of nformaton and yo can fnd all the organsatons across the contres details there. Sorry to hear aot your ssters struggles and hope she one day fnds the right person. Good Luck

[Galwaybay2]

Dalfie,

Firstly, it absolutely is the place to talk about sex and all the issues around relationships that are complex at the best of times. I am a parent and a psychotherapist. My suggestion would be for a referral via her GP through the IAPT service. Talking about her feelings in a focused way with a good counsellor could help.

[I_am_a_sibling Survey Community friend]

Hi Dalfie2020 - what a worrying situation, I can understand how difficult it must be for you. you just want your sister to be safe and happy. How did you get on at the GP? Were they able to help? I imagine that the current situation with coronavirus has perhaps put a hold on things, but I wanted to check in and ask how you were? Take care. Fx